on a mission

i started a bid to raise at least $1000 in dads honor for the san francisco half marathon on his birthday (july 26th) of this year. to date i have raised $225. i am asking for donations of $13.1 in honor of the race being 13.1 miles. hopefully you, or people you know, are able to help me out!!
(see payment information/directions below):
thanks, in advance!!!

http://www.cjdfoundation.org/donations.html or
http://apps.facebook.com/causes/fundraising_pledges/71720?m=2c2e4a85#

and if youre in the area, please please join us for the race!!

bridgette bardot circa 2009

well, here it is. my second photo spread with fine living lancaster magazine. it was a rock-n-roll shoot, where i was made to look like bridgette bardot. i think the picture is fun. hahaha...oh, dad would be so proud...

i am a committment-phobe.

there. i said it.

i dont like to commit myself to one thing...i dont like to feel boxed in.
be it with a job, boys, bars, or restaurants.

i like to always keep my eyes open. not so much of a "grass is greener"
thought, cause, well, im usually a pretty satisfied and happy person, but
just as an ambitious professional. i like to feel educated, ready for anything.

god damn. annoying though. so, thats why, boys, i tire out from you so easy.
i want the next one. and, why, even at current jobs, im always looking. i am
not a "ok, im settled" individual. apparently i like to keep myself stressed out and
confused. thats awesome. i will be going gray at age 28.

ps, id like to live my life a lot like bethenney from "real housewives of nyc"
know her, love her. i see a lot of me in her. (hopefully the really rich part). HA!

oh.my.god

my kitties are gone.
jackie came and picked them up tonight. oh my god, i teared up after she left. those boys were mine for the year and a half. what the freak?! oh my god. i will never see them again. i am so confused and scared and sad about so many things in life. i feel like i have no direction, no clue, no idea what i am doing. no idea. no god damn fucking idea.

my main issue...do i stay in lanc, or do i go to new york city. i am very skilled in playing devils advocate. i can tell you why lancaster rocks and new york would suck. i could do the exact opposite. so, where does that leave me. i have no fucking idea. NO FUCKING IDEA. i want a roommate, but i also like my schedule. i like space to work out, sleep and watch tv. but i like being around people. no wonder they say women are complicated.

the biggest issue for me is that the "so, what do you want to do" question is wayyyy too limiting. i want to be involved in marketing, advertising, maybe some modeling, ETC. just like when i was in college and every 5 seconds i got the "what do you want to study" question....there are limitless choices, so why are you making me choose. quite frankly, i think im damn talented enough to multi-task. that, and i have severe ADD, so i have to be doing 5 things anyway. find me a great company (about damn time, no?) haha, and i will fit right in.

so, id appreciate any and all advice. thaanks.

george zink made him do it

so theres a track meet going on today.
as mom and i were talking to a friend of ours,
a runner ran to the grass and totally spewed
enough lunch that im pretty sure he threw up
food he ate 10 years ago.

george would be proud (right DREW!!!!!!)hahaha......

im so weird

ha, omg, i am such a strange bird. my dad was right. haha. its pretty typical for me to just think random thoughts (pretty much constantly) and the other night (amidst this insane process of finding a damn apartment and job in new york city) i thought how funny of a word "blogger" is. it sounds like a swear word the english would use! haha.

anyway......
hahaha

i had a blast in nyc last weekend. we really lucked out with weather...it was beyond hot, but i loved it. it was fun going to restaurants, the park, walking the brooklyn bridge, checking out union square and hoboken (only for a party) and different bars. and boozy brunch! what a trip!!!! i slept in ali's apt on an air matress. it was like an extended sleepover...haha, staying up until 3am chatting, scarfing cookies and peanut butter, changing clothes 67 times and sharing clothes and makeup. yep, pretty typical us. and only just the beginning. im heading to the city with mom (and ali and her mom) this coming saturday to check out a few places. fingers crossed!!!!!!

seems ive got a lot of updating to do...more later!

the city that never sleeps

here i come NYC!
i am heading to nyc this weekend for a much needed getaway. there are some really fun plans in the works, so i cant wait to share pictures with everyone.

3 weeks and counting until we are no longer at aZura. i feel like i am at a place where i am ready to get my energy back and head out into the big, bad world. i cant imagine doing it any sooner than now, to be totally honest. im getting my strength back, and i cant wait to go and party with friends and get totally wasted, crash on couches, flirt with everyone, dance on tables and walk the city with amazing people. oh, and continue to train for the race in july, as well as life, try not to get toooooooo fat, and work hard at a new job. yep, its going to be a lot. its going to be crazy. but im pretty supported. its insane. im taking it a day at a time...starting with this weekend. im going to gauge just how much i fit in. fingers crossed!!!

oh and i went to the dermatologist today...lets hope i will finally rid myself of my horrible skin issue within the next 4-6 weeks. gooooooooood riddance!! (i blame a certain boy.....hehe.....)

ta ta! happy tuesday!!
cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeers to a beautiful week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hippety-hop

happy (belated) Good Friday and happy (early) Easter bloggies!!!


i hope everyone had a great week, and is planning on enjoying a candy-filled,
family-filled, egg hunt-filled easter!! i sure am, as mom, gamma and i are
loading up the car to head down to see drew, rachel and emmitt.

the weather was great yesterday, crap today, so hopefully tomorrow will
be nice again. i heard that its supposed to be, so lets hope so.

and, drew, hopefully you made reservations for somewhere. (haaaaa!!!!!
it was sooo great talking to you the other day, and laughing about such
funniness. i love you!)

i hope my family is enjoying being together in IL. aunt m, i hope your flight
was good, and the weather holds up for you guys!

yesterday we took a look at the florida pics. they were great!! it was such
fun seeing everyone celebrate babu's 80th(!?!??!)...the weather and the beach
and the houses...everything looked beautiful. and my moms fish was the biggest!!!
GO MOM!!! i am soo soo soo proud of you!

HI NICOLE!!!!

first of all, we rock. we chicks at aZura rock. today was another example of that.
and, you and i are so much alike its hilarious.

had to say hi to you!!!!!! HIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! cant wait to see the ad tomorrow
printed on nice, glossy paper.

hi dad!

i totally got visited by dad. for a few days, out of the blue, my windshield wipers were out of whack. i am talking totally freaking out. the front would either be on, or the back ones. i COULD NOT turn them off. drew and rachel can attest, it was the fucking weirdest and funniest thing!! just the other day, it stopped. they are now working perfectly fine. haha, i know i had been talking to dad so much recently and i know it was him. i know it!!

also, the other morning a bright yellow bird flew into moms window and landed on her balcony. it hopped around, looked inside, and eventually flew away. it was dad again!! it just has to be. birds, especially not bright happy birds, are around yet. its tooo early in the season.

thanks dad. we needed a visit. it felt like it had been toooo long. i really love and miss you. XOXO

dun dun dun...

im ususally pretty secretive when it comes to myself. i do all sorts of things that i try to keep quiet for a variety of reasons. maybe because i like outcomes and results and want to keep it quiet just how hard i work at things. regardless, i thought id share the following:

i sent a publisher some things yesterday. i sent a proposal (oh yea, all official!!), and the title page, along with a few "chapters." im not expecting to move mountains....oh wait, yes i am. i am expecting her to love it like i do. why else would i send it?! i am expecting her to want to publish it (with some edits, obviously!). my expectations are high, because, well, im damn proud of my "book" and am not afraid to hear "NO" if she indeed says it. i wrote it for me, and if others like it, thats all bonus.

she should get it thursday, so ill be sure to forward on any information i get from her.

its good enough

my life, that is. i feel like so often i am trying to move on to the next thing, because anything other than what i am currently doing is "cooler" or something. but, you know what, ive decided my life is good enough for me right now. i am working with my mom which i am obsessed with, i get to hang with friends and hang with my mom, do fashion shoots and magazine ads, write my book and try out a shot with a modeling agency. i am working my ass off and loving it. i am not stuck in an office all day, but i pay all my bills and am making my way in the world. sometimes my life is crazy chaotic, sometimes pretty low key and lazy. but its all mine. i earned it, and i am continuing to try my best at lots of different things.

my life is mine. its definitely cool enough for me, wild enough for me, and interesting enough for me. and, really, who cares if the rest of the world doesnt think its any of those things. right now, at this moment, i am content with things. yea, eventually ill get a better paying job (or, maybe, azura will do so well, we will get raises), and maybe earn enough money to buy some really great things (yes, helllllllo land rover), but right now things are evening out. i am getting through some pretty tough shit, and i am proud of myself. my mom and i are fucking working it...simple as that. without her by my side, i dont know that id be the same, at least not yet.

i afford myself a pretty kick ass apartment, summer is upon us (or at least spring!!) and i get to see my friends and brother when i want to, go to KOP with my mom, and visit all my dads stomping grounds, hospice, his "site" and all things familiar. its good for me right now. so, i think its time i took the pressure off myself to do more, be more, go somewhere else, and save the world. im enough, this is enough (for now). i have no idea what the future holds, but the present is a fun place to be!

wow

bronchitis kicked my ass this week. that, paired with seemingly endless 10-hour days, and i was just too damn tired to blog. and quite frankly, i dont think i had the strength. seriously.

but ill be back. im getting better.

sorry for the lag! ill be back!