oh where oh where should i go...

san francisco? LA? new york? haha howd that last one get in there?! was that you ali?!? haha. i really do want to head west...i mean happy weather, aaron, family, disneyland, aaron. haha. i dont know about LA necessarily, as much as like it. it doesnt really scream im-ready-to-grow-up-and-fall-in-love, etc. HAHA. itd be fun to be near enough to it to party, but SF is more of a living and working city. its also one of my dads favorite cities and that is kinda cool. but id appreciate any help or advice or opinions on this matter. im thinking the beginning of the year to focus myself on the next step. thanks guys!!

you know youre a grown-up when...

...you dont need to rerecord your outgoing voice message 10 times before you deem it acceptable.

...youre actually interested in learning how to save money on car insurance.

...someone asks you about your ex and, instead of ragging on him for two hours straight, you dispatch the matter with a perfectly executed eye roll.

...even though everyone else brags about how much they love dark chocolate, you still like your Snickers and arent afraid to say so.

...it finally dawns on you that waking up with a 102-degree fever means you should keep your sorry ass at home (and that, yes, your coworkers will muddle through without you).

...you no longer find yourself wearing your bikini bottoms some days because you have absolutely, positively no clean undies left.

*...you feel truly grateful for what you have, despite all the stuff (obnoxious in-laws, cellulite, perpetually messy closets) you wish you didnt.

my thanks

this year has been a very odd one. i have had so many sad moments. other moments i have found oddly inspiring. in fact, it has been such a wild ride this past year, that at this exact point i am starting to cry. we just got home from seeing "four christmases" and were laughing so hard. now im sobbing. AHH!! haha. my damn emotions are still so unsettled its amazing. that said, i want to take a minute and thank those people that are in my life. my family, close friends, and those that i am lucky enough to have met through my dads illness. i think you are all angels. there are times that i feel so broken and am so humbled when i remember how lucky i am to know you.

this year marks the beginning of tragic firsts. all events, birthdays, holidays, anniversaries and memories will be had without my dad. he was the kelley family team captain and always will be. he can never, and will never lose that title.

amidst my tears i am having a very difficult time writing this. soo, to wrap this up, thank you. for everything. this is (i hope) the hardest, saddest, most intense thing i will ever know. i dont know when, if ever, it will register. it hasnt yet. im still waiting for his business trip to end. maybe one day...

happy thanksgiving everybody! i am truly thankful for you. xoxo

gobble gobble

happy (early) thanksgiving everybody!! my mom and i will be en route to visit drew, rachel and emmitt tomorrow so i wont have a chance to blog but i will be thinking of everyone!! it will be so awesome to see their new place and just spend the day with them. hopefully you all have a great time gobbling up turkey, mash potatoes, stuffing, and pecan pie!! aand, then rest up for a crazy day of shopping on friday! my fingers are crossed that azura kicks ass friday...send us good thoughts!!! love you guys :)

cjd walk

hi all!
one of the girls that i have been lucky enough to meet through the craziness that has been cjd was sweet enough to include dad in a recent cjd walk. i sent her a picture of dad and his info and she sent me the picture of him around the walkers neck. i was so touched that she emailed me the picture. i know dad was looking down having a ball that he was being honored. i wish it could have been me wearing his neck, but i am just happy jessie was able to wear him. its a cute touch that the picture was taken on my birthday...feels about right, haha :) i love you dad! and thank you nikki and jessie!!!!!!!!!!!!!

do you agree?

so people magazine just named hugh jackman the sexiest man alive in 2008. what do you think? nothing against hugh, as he is, no doubt, a good-looking man...just not who i would have picked. i was loving matt damon in that spot...for sure my favorite. or aaron fox?? (ha, ok that just slipped!) or john kelley?? (oops, another slip).

its funny, these days there really arent any celebrities that i just loooove. i think the gossip girl boys are adorable, always have a soft spot for andy roddick, and still love the backstreet boys. these arent "sexy men" though...they are cute and adorable. the sexiest man definitely needs to be all man. otherwise i think it loses credibility and becomes the latest teen mag poster kid. maybe daniel craig? matt lauer? joe biden? edward norton? people who arent soo damn in your face. no more george clooney (sexy, yes. but too unoriginal). brad pitt (same)...you get where i am going...

i got it!!! ricky gervais!!! ok, so he probably doesnt come to mind as the sexiest man alive in the traditional sense, but i mean come on. the man is hilarious, self-depracating, hugely successful and happily married. sounds perfect. well, there you have it. hilary kelley has chosen ricky gervais as the sexiest man alive in 2008. i think its more fun if the guy isnt the "it" actor of the moment, if he isnt the most popular, or best looking for the majority of the population. thats too easy. (secretly i still think they should be who i accidentally named at the top...shhh)

8 eternal truths we can learn from tykes...

1. breakfast is the most important meal of the day. even when there isnt a prize in the box.

2. your world can be half-real and half-imaginary.

3. if theres even the slightest doubt, hit the potty before you leave (i can attest to this...always always obey this one...haha).

4. homework blows. bring work home with you and itll ruin your night. and your marriage.

5. theres a reason they dont give credit cards to 8-year-olds. youre supposed to save up for a new toy.

6. the coolest adults are the ones who listen.

7. adrenaline is the greatest drug.

8. rain isnt something to curse but to enjoy. hurry up, before it clears.

time to move to california?!

umm, so we had snow flurries yesterday. gross!?? haha. it was so freakin cold, there just arent words to describe it. after i spent years out west for college and work my inter-wirings have never been the same. i love sunshine and warmth. now dont get me wrong, i do love seeing the seasons change. but seriously, can we implement a rule that says the temperature is never allowed to dip below 50 degrees. now theres a political policy id love to see debated. haha. but in all honesty, its feeling like time to head back out west and thaw out. :) ohhh, california dreamin.....

birthday weekend!

here are a few pictures from our opening party and my birthday weekend. it was a blast and hope you have fun looking at them. they came out a little small and not-so-picture-perfect, but hopefully you get the idea, haha. ohhhhhh what a night......

thank you!!!!!

thank you to everyone for the birthday wishes!!!!! aaand, sba, i appreciate the way we have decided to look at getting older...we are now officially 21 (plus 4). ha, sounds great to me too!!!!

i had an awesome weekend. the grand opening party was fabulous and seeing aaron was awesome. i will post pics soon so you all can enjoy them too.

happy monday everyone!!!

hey its OK!

...to not consider lust a particularly deadly sin. or pride. or even sloth.

...to start your to-do list with a task you have already done.

...to tell your family that you met your current boyfriend through mutual friends and leave out the fact that those friends were Bud and Weiser.

...to begin thinking about lunch at 9:35 A.M.

...to shout "I am not!!!!!!!!!" when he claims you are hormonal.

...to smirk when you see the big, tough guys at your gym tripping on the ellipical machine.

...to demand to be taken off speakerphone.

...to RSVP without a plus-one.

...to bail on plans because the grinch is on. you do not turn your back on little cindy lou-who.

birthday birthday!!!

thanks to everyone who got sloppy with me last night for my birthday! though it continued until 4am this morning when i decided to finally get 4 hours sleep before work, i had a blast! our grand opening party also went really well. im so excited to be a part of azura. i got another job opportunity yesterday...funny how things always happen when they arent necessary. i mean, where was that a month ago, huh?! haha. so im looking into it just for rational purposes, and ill keep you posted.

today has been a little rough around the edges...nothing a lot of bagels and treats cant handle. i think were all going out again tonight...i think im getting too old for this! haha. my body hates me. haha. buuuut, aaron flew all the way here from california to surprise me for my birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG! hes spending the weekend with me. shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. haha. i was speechless when he showed up at our party. i forgot to breath for like 5 minutes. ill get tons of pictures.

ok, well back to work. :)

tis the season

i heard my first Christmas song of the season on the radio this morning on my way to work. November 12th...actually thats pretty good. i would have guessed it would have started earlier!! haha. the Christmas season makes me happy...reminds me of being a little kid. reminds me of simple pleasures...candy canes, Santa, cookies and milk, and decorating Christmas trees.

on another note, im not liking all the "firsts" we are having to go through...my first birthday without my dad, my moms, their anniversary, thanksgiving, Christmas and new years. all that coming up in the next 2 months. thats a lot of great things that he made all the better, that will be very difficult to understand without him. i want so bad to understand that i will be ok in this life. i want so bad to know that im doing well. i want so bad to look my dad in the eye and tell him a joke that will crack him up so hard he will want to hear more. i want to take him to a movie and talk to him about boys. i want to make him proud. i want to hug him. kiss him. i want to sit and just listen to him speak...about anything. i want to go for a run with him. i want him to teach me things. i want to take funny pictures with him. i want to buy him boxers for christmas. i want to surprise him with starbucks after work. i want to give him a back massage. hell, i even want to get an email from him...or text message. thatll do. with all of that, i am unclear how to fathom it. im not in denial, it just doesnt seem real. there are times where i relive that year over and over...from the time we found out to end in hospice. it feels like a movie.

so, as i started this post, tis the season. i am looking forward to remembering all the fun winter memories since i was a kid. remembering dad. heres to you dad! cheers!!!!!

international cjd day...

just wanted to wish those that have been affected by cjd the very best on this international day. im actually quite honored to know that there is a day to celebrate the amazing lives that we are all a part of...daughters, sisters, friends, wives, husbands, brothers, dads, moms, sons, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, etc. and have an opportunity to help honor the lives of those we lost in which we played that role.

so, on this special day, forever november 12, i want to honor and pay my respects to those lives lost to cjd. especially you dad, the most amazing man i have ever known. i love you, miss you, and want to honor you today (and everyday).

i look forward to new developments in cjd research and hopefully one day a cure. i hope to be a part of the ongoing process that is research and development. i love the girls that ive met and want to thank them for their ongoing support. i truly love you all!

party weekend

this friday we are having a grand opening party at azura!!!!! free drinks, food, music and sales! then heading out on the town for a super birthday weekend...along with working tons, but ehh being hungover is alright every now and again. haha. i mean im only 25 once!

so, to all those that are partying with me this weekend, i cant wait!!!!!!

things that would horrify your mom (if she knew)

these things crack me up. i love coming across these lists in magazines. thought id share this one.

1. the new guy you are dating is the same age...as her.

2. that you do not bother "hovering" when using a public toilet: yes, your skin actually makes contact with the seat.

3. you carry condoms in your make-up bag...and sometimes even use them.

4. you have a tatoo.

5. that you may never get married...ever.

6. you lied when you told heryour louis vuitton bag was a "knock-off"...it is how you used last months rent.

7. that you own a vibrator...in fact, several.

8. that the "virus" you had was actually the world's worst three-day hangover.

9. it is not running that helped you drop 2 dress sizes...who knew pole dancing was such great excercise.

there are soooo many more funny ones that i read, but a few were a bit inappropriate for this blog. i hope the few i listed will make you laugh. it did me...haha.

just thinking about dad...

so its almost my birthday...8 days to be exact. im going to be 25. i know that dad would love to celebrate with me. sooo, since he cant physically come to me to celebrate, i want to go to him. i think i will continue my tradition of letting a balloon go in his honor. on my birthday, i plan to go to his site, and let a balloon go. i think hed love that.

its been 9 months since that day. im not exactly sure what that means...its still so fresh, so sad. still something im pretty sure im in denial about. i will only call it "that day." i still cant say anything more grave than that. when i find myself having a bit of a down moment, i find that just picturing his face makes me smile. just thinking about his passion for life, work and family make me proud. i am one lucky daughter. (sister, too...huh, drew!! hahaha). i want my dad to know how he made our lives sparkle and shine. he made me believe...in life, in myself, in others. i am tring to rise above the hole in my heart to prove to him that i can do it. he is always with me...cheerleading in my ear. he is laughing with me, crying with me, and cracking jokes. so, i cant wait to send him another balloon. i hope he got a kick out of it for his birthday!!!

thanks dad. for everything.

voting

so yesterday morning, first thing, i voted. i was on a voting high all day...it was the most fun thing ever! i felt the same way the first time i voted 4 years ago. i just find it to be so damn liberating. cue to today, congratulations obama! WOO!! im a little sleepy at work today cause i went to bed so late, but it was totally worth it.

while at work yesterday one of our security guys came and to chat. they always seem to do this...i swear they just need an ear every once in a while. so after like 30 minutes of BS chatting, he goes into why he has decided not to vote. he claims to hate both candidates so his answer was to boycott it all together. now normally id debate him and come back at that comment and explain why that is quite franly the most ignorant and uneducated decision he could make, but at this point i didnt care. all i said was that he then forfeits the right to bitch and moan about our political world. BAM! haha, just kidding.

but honestly, no candidate is perfect. duh. no one guy is going to revolutionize the world tomororw. so relax buddy and vote for who you trust to be our face for a few years. and have confidence that you are part of the bigger picture. and ifyou really hate all candidates go and vote yourself as a write-in. but not voting? no excuse. and not impressive.

sunday randomness

happy november!! crazy isnt it?! that only means one thing...good ol bday is only 13 days away!



happy belated halloween. here is a picture of ken and i showing off our moves at this dance party. there was a strobe light that you cant tell from the picture, but it definitely provided yours truly with the idea that she could dance. amazing how that happens. haha! i was a cat (um, after a ten hour work day and only 20 minutes you just put it together...haha, and ken was a member of the US swim team. pretty much, he just wanted a reason to be shirtless and in a speedo...hehe). it was a blast...minus having to get up and go to work the next day. EWW!

so this morning at church they mentioned everyones name that had died this past year. john kelley was one of them, and we now have flowers at work in his memory. i love you dad! i think about my dad everday, and all the greatness that he embodied. everything we went through was truly tragic, but i am proud of how much i have grown up. how i have learned to be more patient, resilient and strong. how i can now appreciate even the smallest of virtues and understand that good people are hard to come by, and i know how lucky i am so have so many. i learned to find the humor in life...whether it be the many times i was trimming my dads eyebrows and nose hairs, or when i dropped a soda in my house and it literally exploded everywhere, working 12 hour days weeks in a row, spilling oodles of pink paint in my hair, or more serious things. my dad taught me all these things. even if he didnt know it. throughout his life he was my rock. during his illness he forced to (unknowingly) to figure it all out...and be his rock. i had the unique opportunity to be his lifeline. i think he is, was and always will be proud of me. i know i will always think of him as my hero. i hope i continue to make him laugh up there in heaven everyday. im forever keeping him young...all the while giving him gray hair! i love you daddio!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!

ok, back to work. hope everyone is having a fabulous sunday!!! (is it time to read the comics yet?!)

welcome to azura!

sooo, it has finally come!! my mom and i are officially managing azura, which is officially open and running. pieces are still coming together, but we have survived the first 60 hour work week. dear lord?! im struggling this AM as i was out late last night for halloween, but its been great. to the left is a cheeky picture of us just having fun. cant wait to show more pictures as we go!!