birthday boy!

today is my dads birthday...hed be turning the big 5-9!!!!!! its fucking crazy that even 4 years after he passed away hes still several decades too young to be gone.

my gift to my dad this year was my book. i published it for the world to read. its not perfect but i so excitedly and desperately wanted to tell his story that i shared it despite knowing that. its hard for me to acknowledge that i am sharing it with everyone despite imperfections, but as someone who is crazy self critical i know i could easily spend the next 10 years editing it and still not be done. its his birthday, dammit, and i wanted to make it special.

dad, i hope youre reading it. i hope youre smiling/laughing/crying/bawling like the rest of us. i will admit that its a pretty powerful read, one that i hope youre proud of. lets face it, youre missed so much everyday and so fondly remembered by so many. i love you more than i ever thought was possible, even for us. i miss you so much and think about you so often. youre still the best dad, forever and always.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the most amazing guy ive ever known. youre the greatest guy dad. simply the best.

lets talk about july 26th, shall we.

today marks the eve of a really emotional week. its the birthday week of the greatest, most amazing guy i know...my DAD.

july 26th is my dads birthday, and this thursday we should be celebrating him turning 59. while the celebration will happen in spirit, i cant help but get a bit bummed. its crazy, my body knows to act heavy and depressed around key dates. his birthday is a biggie.

i miss my dad. A LOT. these 4 years have been weird without him...amazing and sad, difficult and incredible. but weird. hes the guy i could always count on and i dont know why he isnt here. i imagine all the weekends we'd be spending in nyc and just having an absolute ball. i miss him more for his sake than my own, if that makes sense. i know how much life he had left and all he wanted to do. the amazing part was that he wanted to spend a lot of it with me.

fact is, the world was better with him. it makes me feel vulnerable without him. he was the armor to make me believe i could do anything.

i hope youre watching dad, and smiling down (as i am smiling up). i love you so much, every day. thank you for 24 years of magic...i know to keep it close to my heart and never let it go. happy birthday week!

true happiness.

what would you do?

heres the scenario: youre itching to go for a run but its raining outside. and i dont mean a slight sort-of mist rain. i mean rain. you will get your ass soaked rain.

if youre anything like me, you choose running in the rain. and you LOVE it! i put on my neon yellow windbreaker and neon yellow shoes (yes, you read that right) and hit the streets.

do you see that rats nest on my head? yea, it took 2 rounds of conditioner and a deep conditioning treatment to comb out. but that hour i spent running in the rain: priceless.

4 months.

i will be toeing the starting line in philadelphia for my inaugural marathon in exactly 4 months. well, technically in exactly 4 months i will be a few hours into my inaugural marathon. holy shit!!!

and if youre wondering, hell YES that will be me on the front line. i can totally hang with ryan hall.

i survived.

another marathon work week for the books. i know so many people work so hard everyday (my dad was the ultimate example of this!) so i know i am not alone.

there were so many fun highlights that were crazily sandwiched between absolute stress/madness this past week. i caught up a bit on sleep this weekend, while doing my best to work out really hard too! marathon is in 4 months. holy shit.

ps, what i noticed about standing front row at a metal concert: my body does not recover as well as it used to! holy shit. i think my ears are still pounding and i am just getting my voice back completely. ha!

alright, well im going to finish up my weekend the way it should be: lazy, on my bed, doing nothing :)

28 things

admittedly, the idea for this entry came from another blog i catch every once in a while. feeling both super stressed at work and a bit nostalgic and bummed about missing my dad today, i wanted to make a list of personal beliefs that will hopefully help my head. and heart.

1. Have faith in yourself. It wont always be easy, but it will always be worth it.

2. You don’t have to like something just because it’s considered “cool” for a day.

3. Spend time every day in the world…it makes a difference, really.

4. Be nice to your mom—she’ll be your best friend one day.

5. Be really nice to your dad…you really don’t know how long you’ll have him for.

6. Those amazing red heels? Yeah. Buy those.

7. No one cares what size your skinny jeans are except for you.

8. Don’t take anything personally.

9. Even though trashy magazines might say you should “date someone totally wrong for you at least once”, you really don’t need to do that. It’s a total waste of time.

10. If a guy wants to be with you, he will make it happen. If he doesn’t, move on. Seriously.

11. On that note, wait for him to call you.

12. Take a multivitamin.

13. Always keep a pair of flats in your bag…just in case.

14. Back up your computer.

15. Write your grandparents a letter every once in a while for no reason at all. It may seem small, but its a really BIG deal to them.

16. You’re the one who is in charge of making things happen for your own life. Get on it!

17. Don’t whine. If you don’t like something about your life, change it.

18. Its OK if one of your dreams doenst make sense to anyone else. Its YOUR dream!

20. Be patient with your parents, they love you so much.

21. Tough times don’t last forever but tough people do <—cliche and true.

22. It’s a really good thing to be picky.

23. Sometimes friends just move on, drift apart and go separate ways. You don’t have to save every friendship if it’s not worth saving.

24. On that note though, make time for your girlfriends. Hug often.

25. Smoking cigarettes will absolutely not make you look cool….only stupid.

26.You are beautiful just the way you are.

27. Cool kids wear glasses.

28. Take a risk and challenge yourself every once in a while. Be it a running club, college course or simple drink with a guy, keep an open mind and do it. If nothing else, you've just gotten yourself a great story.

nyc doesnt have june gloom

im obsessed with nyc. the crazy, hurried people, the seizure-inducing lights, the starbucks laden 15 hour days we put our bodies through. i think its perfectly fitting that i found my inner happiness and calm in the most hectic, mad city in the world.

when i was in la, everyone complained about june gloom (in la. land of sun. wimps)
here, in magical nyc, noone says it. sure, its mother fucking hot, but as bad as things get, as hot and muggy and gross as things get, its still nyc. and we live here. and were fucking psyched about it.

while im not shy about my love for new york, i dont plan on it being home forever. (granted, im living proof that you cant plan shit). my "plan" is to fall in love, continue to build a life and career and lead a fairly simple life. ive got a few bucket list items (hello marathon! paris!) but otherwise, just want to continue to be happy and spend time with people i love.

but holy hell, i cant believe its already july. its funny, i dont want to hurry summer along AT ALL, but ive got a pretty cool kid coming in 2 months and id like that to hurry up!

alright america, happy birthday. you look good...not a day over 30. well done :)

happy birthday america

i realize im a day early, but i cant promise ill be blogging tomorrow...day off baby!
 

i absolutely love fireworks! my room has an awesome view of the hudson river so ive seen fireworks twice already. they totally make me smile :)

cant believe its already july 3rd. i LOVE summer and 100 degree runs. i love to sweat. lets all pray my legs keep it together and i can go running tomorrow. byeee!

blonde.

the blond is back ladies and gentleman.







please excuse the oh-so-obvious self picture, but its all i got right now. ha, what am i saying. i LOVE playing with my MAC's iphoto! i decided it was time to get a bit of blond back. for the better part of the past 4 years ive been brunette or some variation of it. it was time to go back to my roots :)

funnily enough ive already had a few blond moments, but lets face it, that never really stoppped ;)