no wonder people have trust issues

reading magazines and seeing ads that are photo-shopped beyond recognition are only the tip of the iceberg as to why people dont really trust much these days. we have an economy thats in the shitter with a president who thrives on empty promises. below you will find a few other items that make me not trust you or find you inherently cool.

1. instagram

we get it, your instagram photos look really cool. ill admit, i LOVE instagram as much as the next person, but it doenst make you inherently cool. millions of people have it. so excuse me while i dont lose my shit over you instagramming ever picture. it doenst make you a photographer. if this is news to you, i am sorry.

2. FB friend requests with no mutual friends

i am immediately skeptical of this. FB is not the place where i want to be friends with some guy just cause hes hot, or some chick cause she thought i looked nice. if there is not one other person that can vouch for your existence and sanity, then do you really exist? this puts you in the same category as a predatory human that probably wants to eat my face after  you dabbled a little too freely in bath salts. when i see 0 mutual friends, i see evil.  i am not in a place where i aim to have as many cyber friends as possibl. if you are, i am sorry, there are other people who will love and appreciate your friend request. this also applies to twitter accounts with egg icons. if all i see is an egg,i instantly imagine crazy.

3. skinny girls who constantly upload pictures of fattening food

look at all the cake i am about to eat! look at this pasta! let me just say, i find most food pics on instagram and facebook to be incredibly useless and obnoxious. there are always exceptions, say your besties birthday cake or the 109839284 cookies you and your buddies baked (that shit needs to be shown!!), but actively uploading lots of food pics annoys people. my skepticism increases heavy when i am bombarded with pics of greasy pizza, late night ice cream binges, and cupcakes office-deliveries uploaded by some 94lb sorority girl or gangly hipster chick. bitch please, your hip bones are sharp enough to open cans. were not buying the idea that you devour a large dominos on the daily just because you uploaded it and captioned it “nom nom nom”. admit your starving like the rest of us and carry on your merry way.

4. freelancers in nyc

what are you freelancing? how do you pay rent? please tell me your secret.