an open letter to my dad.

 hi dad. how are things? i miss you down here. like really miss you. i miss your humor and your face, i miss your advice and your warmth. im doing well enough, as im sure you can see from your front row seat, but id give anything to have you here.

can you believe i registered for the NYC marathon!!? i find out in 20 days...which, again, im sure you know. if theres a way you could pull some strings to get me in id really appreciate it :) haha.

um, yea, so i have a crush on someone. dad, why dont boys make sense? ill do what you always used to tell me to do which is to relax and have fun with whatever situation presents itself, but honestly, im frustrated.

the other night as i was winding down for the night, i re-read my winterzine article about you, this time reading it out loud. dad, you were just so cool. thank you for everything. i know i said that a lot throughout my life, but i really mean it. life is fucking weird and hard and frustrating and i never really knew it until i didnt have you. you always helped me laugh through it or told me to "run it out" and now, without you, life doesnt always shine nearly as bright. "heaven couldnt wait" is getting there! i cant wait to publish it dad, and blow the world away with your story! our story.

i hope you hear me when i pray. i have faith that you can. its not going to be an easy journey, is it? yea, i figured as much. thing is, im ready for a fight. i like challenges and you know that. these past 4 years have been both pretty confusing and pretty amazing. id give anything to hang out with you in new york. can you believe i live here? we'd be having such a ball eating in fun restaurants, running everywhere and shopping (oh come on! youd shop with me. i know it :)) xo.

well, dad, i guess ill get back to work. i miss you everyday and love you so much. i hope youre showing mr dowd and mr ference the ropes. we miss you here but i know youre watching and laughing at all that i am doing. i like knowing youre around, so please continue to show clues you are here.

love, hil