Monday, January 23, 2012

is there something in the water?

my god. i cant shake the feeling thats been plaguing me for about 2 weeks now. there just seems to be this heaviness and sadness that wont go away. feb 8th marks the 4th anniversary of my dad's passing and this time every year things just all become a shade of gray.

my best friend sent me the greatest text last night after our long chat.
"have a good night and stop worrying. you are wonderful and so strong. love you"

ali has always had the ability to make it better, whatever "it" is. she has a calming effect on me. its kinda fun knowing ill never have to pay for a therapist since i have the most awesome bff alive. granted, i might have to start paying her, but that would be money well spent.

im trying really hard to overcomensate for what i have lost, but sometimes it just hits me harder that what i am able to counterbalance. sometimes when you are in a weakened state everything gets magnified and you just feel worse.

so thanks flickey for keeping me grounded. youre priceless and i love you. xoxo

Friday, January 20, 2012


ok fine, im going to do it. im actually going to submit something for winterzine. it goes against all my better judgement (or is that just my annoying "i gotta be hard on myself" brain talking?!) either way, im going to do it*

* i might do it. i d like to think i will do it. this is pressure!


im not feeling that creative at this moment. yep, thats the title.

my last post was sorta lame. i know. i had started the post after the business trip and just finished it today...and i wont lie, i didnt care to talk about it anymore. honestly, it took a lot out of me and im tired just thinking about it :)

i am trying to keep a happy and light attitude despite this heinous weather. winter does just kinda suck, doesn't it? remember when, as kids, we'd long for snow days and sledding, hot chocolate and snowball fights? where does all that excitement go? i for one, refuse to lose all of it. the bummer of being an adult is that you're expected to persevere through shit like snow. for the first time in my life i am going skiing at the end of February. i haven't been back to Vermont since Lochearn, but i am heading back baby! myself and 38 others are heading to Stowe for a ski trip. woo. woo. i may break my face, but totally worth it! (ok, kidding. though im slightly worried about the amount i will be falling). maybe a cute boy will help me up?!

aside from the ski trip, which i have been crazy excited for for about a month now, i think im going to get a facial. this face could use some TLC. my boss gifted me with a "spa service" and i think i should use it. tough part about nyc is everything is pretty pricey so i dont do these often. ever, really. the other facial i had last year was a gift as well. (thank you rich friends!)

after a absolutely amazing and crazy last weekend (thank you mom, it was UNBELIEVABLE!) i am so planning a lazy weekend. i have a few parties next weekend that i have to go to, so i really want to chill. i battled a cold from sunday until now (friday) so id like to baby myself a bit. plus my boss told me were expecting 5-8 inches of snow this weekend. what the fuck is that nonsense?! oh, right, winter. ha, oops.

TGIF. no, really, thank god its friday. i wasnt going to make it another day. no thats not true...if it were wednesday id happily get up and go to work on thursday and friday. my point is just that thank jesus its friday.

so, tarrytown.

last week was the longest week of my life. dont get me wrong, i am not trying to complain too much, but it was rough.

in fact, i felt so burned out i teared up on my way home tuesday night. when i get really tired, really overwhelmed and stressed and i dont see the light at the end of the tunnel i miss my dad and get bummed. wow, that was one hell of a run-on sentence...haha, my 8th grade english teacher would be so proud.

i was a co-lead on running a corporate offsite we were holding in tarrytown, approx 35-45 min outside of the city. the area itself is pretty...its where the rockefellers and vanderbilts all had estates. the vast grass land and mansions brings you back to the 1800's...kinda neat when you are so used to midtown NYC.

we arrived at our office at 7am, with a planned leave time of 7:30am. upon arrival we didnt stop until that night around 10pm. with the next morning call time at 6:30am, ill just say i was a tad tired. BUT, we had bags and bags of candy that i happily ate my way through, so i was definitely hopped  up on sugar.

there were parts of this conference that were pretty stressful. the head honcho of RDA international...the BIG GUY was there and i was working on some stuff for him. sheesh! also, my boss's boss personally asked me to work on a few things he wanted to present to the group. oh ok, yea sure. i think my blood pressure was 10090909029 the whole 3 days.

without going on and on too much about my week, ill just say this: i am very thankful for the opportunity to prove myself in times like this. i was so tired, stressed and burned out, but ultimately i guess its worth it. (maybe not to the extent i felt, cause im pretty sure you can die from living like that), but at a more moderate level.

at the end of the trip everyone was happy, and really thats all that matters. oh and i met bret michaels. i was  never a poison fan, and will never become one, but it was still cool. and a picture is forever.

from tarrytown to armstrongs and mom in town the fun never stops!

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

my streak ended.

i cracked today. ok, lets rewind. heres how my day went.

- i left my house at 6am this morning and got home at 7pm. yes, there was some stress eating. gross.
- i dropped my ipod in a sidewalk grate on the way to work. sweet.
- the boy i hung out with on saturday has not asked to hang out again. go me! this is not helping my "im pretty sure i will be dying alone" syndrome.
- i need to lose 5-10 pounds.
- i will be spending the next 2 days in bumfuck new york during a work conference. yehaw!
- on a lighter, funnier note, bret michaels has my personal cell number and will be calling me thursday.
- life made me sad today, so i cried. i knew it was know when you can just feel it?
- i got a bill for $700 for my mole removal. maybe i should have just taken the cancer. fuck.
- i know its my fault, but ive been out late a lot and havent gotten enough sleep. so im in a great mood ;)
- i feel the way a team feels when their coach is not at the game. they can still play well, as they are trained and ready, but having coach on the sideline just feels better. thats how i feel about my dad not being here. sometimes i just feel empty, sad, confused, average or like screaming "what the fuck".
- im getting my period in a few days so im pretty sure thats whats fueling all this.

starting monday i will be switching over to training mode. roomie and i are planning to run in the nyc half marathon march 20th. we each have to raise $1500. in the meantime, i will be overindulging as i have no choice (work, work, work, work, dinners out, drinking weekend, etc. armstrongs and mom will be here this weekend too, so DUH to fun!). then i will get serious. i have a PR to make happen.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

picture evidence of the 2012 PBR

the PBR was crazy intense last night. it was an absolute ball but had a few moments where im pretty sure some cowboys are forever broken. the last rider of the night got bucked off the bull after 6.5 seconds only to be trampled 4 times. he even got kicked in the face!

the most insane thing to me is that had he held on for 1.5 more seconds not only would he have won the night, but he would have been fine. instead, he was carried off on a stretcher, pretty much lifeless.

on a lighter note, they had a jousting competition. yes, just like medieval times. i dont really understand how they score jousting, but it was cool to watch.

i invited sean to be my date for the night. hes super cool and we had fun.

huge thank you to uncle loving this yearly PBR tradition. cant wait for PBR 2013.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

PBR 2012!

it is that time again...heading to the PBR this saturday! i had one of the most fun nights of my life last year and cant wait to go again.

i only own one plaid shirt so i decided to buy one. my roomie also offered up hers so i actually have 2 options. i just got back from hollister (its so awkward/weird/annoying/hot/frsuterating to go in there after the age of 15. really)...tho the dude with the abs was funny.

itll be between my roomies purple/black top or my aqua/navy one. last resort could be a repeat of last year, but really, thas embarrasing. i can and should be able to not repeat an outfit 2 years in a row.

its pretty incredible its already been a year since the last time we went to the PBR. im pretty stoked to say hello to all those guys we met last year...that was a pretty amazing night. i see some more dancing in my future. and pictures! hellllo pictures!...on a superficial note, itll be nice not to have odd orange/reddish hair in photos. what the hell was that?!

have you noticed that this week is dragging. like going stupid slow? yea, me too. annoying :)

Monday, January 2, 2012

porkstravaganza 2012 ruled.

a big shout out to the amazingness that has become our new years day tradition. now that we dont live at home, i think its sooo cool that a bunch of us get together to celebrate being hung over from new years eve and cook amazing food and drink dozens of bottles of champagne, wine and beer. the picture is a snapshot of a few of the more intense things we cooked.

we also took a torch to broule bacon, made meatballs and had vegan desserts. it was pretty epic.

this party went for 12 hours...we cooked sick amounts of food and drank sick amounts of alcohol. i spent new years day with some of my favorite people and even met a few new ones. one in particular i fancy :) while said crush isnt in the below picture, a couple of my fave guy friends are.

after crashing at matts house last night (guy in the above pic all the way to the left) i am exhausted!! i am super dreading work tomorrow. why do we have to go back to real life?