Wednesday, December 31, 2008
as i reflect back on the past year, there are obvious lows. some pretty shitty moments. but, you know what, there are some pretty freakin great times too. im happy to be alive, happy, healthy and loved. my heart is full of love from friends and family, and that of a certain boy :) hahaha. we all lost a huge piece of ourselves in 2008...some lost a brother, some lost a son, a friend, a coworker, a husband, uncle, brother-in-law, some lost a dad. the events of 2008 have made me realize how precious life is, how priceless friends and family. how truly loved i am. thank YOU for that. all of you. i mean it, i just cant say it enough :) xoxo
in the meantime, ill work on my resolution and post later... :) loooove you all!! happy new years eve!
Saturday, December 27, 2008
at work today, mom told me she wants to do it too. so next week we are thinking about doing it. most likely next saturday...eek!! im pretty sure its going to hurt like a bitch...but i know i can handle it.
well, 8 bottles of wine later...!!!!!!!!!!!
haha, needless to say, i didnt get home until 5am...and i am now at work feeling pretty hot. haha, totally just kidding about feeling awesome. but it was the most fun night. and well worth it ;)
i will repost later when i have pictures of all of us, but i was so happy to hang out with everyone last night. it truly felt like no time had passed. though we have always done a good job at keeping in touch with each other, we all share a really unique friendship. we relate to each other like noone else...can make fun of each other like noone else, and can know exactly what we are thinking like noone else. thats pretty special.
at around 12:30 we decided it was a good idea to hit the bars. dear god! we saw pretty much everyone we knew. it was hilarious.
it was time to leave the bar at like 2:15...and the night just couldnt end, right?! haha. so we went to a buds house and continued our marathon night. we finally decided that it was time to go to bed at like 5...i mean, really?!
but, it was so much fun and we are planning another get together...this time in NYC mid january. hats off girls...we still got it :) haha...
Thursday, December 25, 2008
overall it was a great christmas. i got some great presents, and hopefully gave out a couple good ones too!! :)
we started the morning going to hospice. we spent some time hanging out in room 12. they are renovating it so noone was in there. wow. it was heavy. mom had a breakdown. she and i spent some time hugging...just staring at his bed. it was so empty. the 6 days we spent there were some of the longest, weirdest days. that room began feeling so big...our entire world. it felt smaller today...colder, absent. i feel we brought warmth to that room. we both got cold and chills while standing in that room...i pray to god it was dad.
i want to believe that things are going to get better...get easier...get lighter. not in terms of grief (as i will always hold on to him)...i mean it in terms of life. i would like to know that we will always be ok...in terms of jobs, a house, love, etc. when dad was sick he promised me that i would never be homeless. he told me he would never let that happen. i know he is my angel...i know he will make sure i am safe...its all i need. im a pretty durable girl...but i think its time we all had a bit easier, no?!
i was talking with another volunteer today about dad and she was sharing stories of her past. she ended the conversation by asking me how old i was. i said 25 (eek!!), and she told me how impressed she was with how i am handling what has happened. she told me i must have been raised well. i told her that there was nothing more true. dad and mom, you did good!! pretty neat compliment. im not one to normally say that (i mean, im not bragging)...but thats a cool compliment to my family too.
but, in the end, it doesnt feel fair. and i cant help but think that. it just isnt fucking fair. i hope there is a hell of a christmas party going on up there!! maybe dad will even stumble after a few glasses of wine and fall back through the clouds and come back down here........
*family. without you all, i have no idea where i would be. it is thanks to you all (haha, and, well, i guess ill give myself a little credit!!) that i have the energy and confidence to pave my life. to take chances. to take risks. to be rejected, accepted, right and wrong.
*laughter. without it, i would not be a kelley. ha! through so much hurt, i have laughed. it is contageous and has helped others. it has helped me. it is truly the best medicine...even when it seems impossible to find the good in something.
*memories. they can bring on tears, but also they have helped me heal. there are so many times when i feel so fragile, i will look through my journals, pictures, writings, and emails and see just how interesting life is...what i have seen, thought, felt, said, experienced, and believed. i have been through so much in my life...seen so many things, smelled so many things, heard so many things...good, bad and indifferent. what is so magical about life is that at any given moment i can remember events that have helped shape my life. that is truly priceless.
*me. as i get older i am finding out so much about myself. i am learning to be proud of myself. to assert myself. i feel that self-esteem is earned and i work on mine everyday. i am strong. i am confident. i am ambitious. i am my best ally...and toughest critic. but i wouldnt want it any other way. i know how to push myself...and when to back away. i had my first sorta-love-sorta-infatuation this year. i "love" a lot of guys...i mean, i am truly boy crazy...but one came in my life this year that has meant more to me than i ever thought id let. he came into my life in february...our story really began then. whatever happens in the future...i thank him for so much. which leads me to...
*aaron. i know it seems crazy to be thankful for a boy. well, you know what, no it doesnt. cause i truly am thankful for him. he visited lancaster (me) in february (about 2 weeks after dad). he was in town for a few days...we caught up, hung out, etc. it was nothing serious...i mean we talked all night, etc. but there wasnt anything "boyfriendy"...he just hung out. in retrospect, that whole time is a blur...i mean 2 weeks after dad...dear god, im surprised i knew to put on pants to go out! haha. long story short, i feel like he and i have had the closest thing i have ever had to a really serious relationship. these past 10 months have been really fun...visiting LA for him, him coming here countless times, him surprising me for my 25th...us meeting up in NYC...etc. its been such a trip. so many people have told me how great we are together. strangers call us barbie and ken. weve been called boyfriend and girlfriend by many hotel lobbies. his family loves me. mine loves him. so, if nothing else, i have had a blast meeting a guy i hope is always in my life. my wish for the new year is more of this. i really like this one ;)
*music, movies, this blog, and other forms of entertainment. i mean, sometimes its great to just zone out!! there have been countless times when whatever im doing, puting on a song can change the mood...a fun song if im sad, a cute song if i want to think of dad, etc. movies are the greatest way to leave reality for a few hours. my blog is free therapy. i sent a few entries to a publishing company and got a book offer. while it didnt pan out to what i thought it should, it was kinda cool. so keep you eyes peeled for me to top the bestseller list one day!!
of course i am thankful for many more things. happiness, health, friends, my car, my kitties, love, a job, etc. but i think they were all (even if indirectly) included in my above bullet points. life is pretty damn great. even when its not. i want to thank all my family and friends for just being in my life. you help define my life. i am so proud of us all...everyday. xoxo
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
mom and i are working today until 3...hopefully we have another great day of sales. WOO! (though, y ou can all gauge my thoughts from previous posts on that...haha). we are then heading to gammas house to open presents and church at 8pm. (late night for mom!!!)
as for christmas...we are volunteering at hospice for a few hours, then going to a movie with gamma. she wants to see marley and me. im totally not into that, but its christmas, and if going to see it would make gamma happy, im happy to oblige. then back to the grind on friday! (um, and hopefully getting our paychecks...a week late)...but ill keep you posted.
what about you all...are you all excited about everything?? how is your day going??
i love you all so much and am thinking about how special my family and friends are.
thank you for being in my life...you all are a part of me and i am so thankful!! xoxo
Sunday, December 21, 2008
is it too much to ask that a boy that i like, like me back. i mean genuinely like me back. ask me how im doing every once in a while, just text to say hello. simple, stupid, yet cute things. apparently, the answer is a resounding YES. wayyyy to much. i cant do it anymore. i cant send care packages, texts, cards or anything else if i never get anything back. and im not a stalker...these things were for thank-yous, holidays and birthdays. (and approved by family and friends...i mean, i know it sounds like i went overboard but i really didnt...swear!!!). i didnt do any of these things so that i got anything in return...its just that i feel a bit like it all went to waste. sad.
if you own a business you need to pay your employees every 2 weeks. this is not up for discussion. im sorry. i have bills, and landlords and bill collectors dont appreciate "oh im sorry i cant pay this month, i didnt get my paycheck"...yea, doesnt fly. so, really, i need a paycheck...every two weeks. or i need to quit. this is the second time (out of two times) we have gotten paid wayyyy late. UGH!
can my skin please clear up?! its really pissing me off. im trying everything i can...good god!
im sure i can think of more things i could bitch about, but im starting to annoy myself :) haha. and getting a little bummed about the boy thing (i have a one track mind i swear). but i really liked this one...theres gotta be a boy out there that will like me as much as i like him. i mean, there are like 2 billion people in the world right?! i can list about 1 billion ive liked at one point or another, ha!! i think maybe ill just become a nun. (i said this the other day, and a great friend of mine told me id be kicked out before i even became part of the convent)...theres someone that truly knows me! haha. but yea, just a little sad, frusterated and low about it. i thought we made a good match...think hes just not that into it. god damn it.
it is december 21...and cold as shit outside. i miss having another person around that refuses to fully embrace winter...open toes shoes, capri pants...yep, i am rocking it. noone understands quite like you...haha.
its the perfect time of year for you and i to grab venti coffees from starbucks and blueberry muffins and sit and chat about everything. i miss our political conversations (god, i always felt so smart being able to talk to you about real life things...i felt so powerful debating with you), read the NY times, talk about boys, read the comics, share life stories, tell you all about the boys i love, like or hate...go shopping-ish, go running, and just sit and talk to you. (haha, i just noticed how i mentioned boys twice...HAHA!!!).
i wish i could watch you open my christmas presents this year...and spoil you with snickers bars and peanut M&Ms. id love to get a glass of wine with you...and go for an after dinner walk. i want to huff and puff my way through a run with you, and maybe even plan our next half-marathon. i want to do errands with you and blast the backstreet boys...you were ALWAYS such a sport. we could have more of our father-daughter movie date nights. god, i loved those.
there is so much more i want to write to you. i have more respect and honor in you being my dad, friend, hero and idol than you will ever know. your life was taken WAYYYY before your time. you are my so much of my heart, strength, and zest for life. i hope i continue to make you proud and live life in your honor. i love you. i am so proud to be a kelley...thank you for everything you have done for me, and all that you continue to do. xoxo
ps...i hope you and your dad are up there getting a kick out of us trying to live our lives the best we can. i hope we bring a smile to your face everyday. i hope you are still running, still laughing, still working your ass off...basically, doing all the things you love. i hope youre eating lasagna, french fries and grilled cheeses. i hope youre drinking wine, and having fun. i hope you miss us. i hope you are proud of what you see. i hope youre warm, happy, and healthy. i hope you have everything you deserve. i want you back. we all do. we will never be the same. we will always be a bit empty. i hope all my chatting to you and praying isnt annoying (haha ;))...i hope you know how much we miss you and how much we love you. youre the best dad...i hope you see us and feel us everyday :) i hope.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
drew came to visit us at the store today, and we were able to jet out and see the brick we had made at hospice for dad. its in the most perfect spot...right outside room 12 (his room) beside the octangular covering. mom was soo soo happy to see that its in a good spot. I LOVE YOU DADDIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xoxo
can you believe Christmas is in 5 days?! im really looking forward to volunteering at hospice. its funny, even now when an ambulance passes me i cant help but be reminded of the day i rode with dad to hospice. it may be naive, but i didnt think that that was it. i thought we were going to stabilize him, and head home. not even close.
i welcome any and all memories of dad. though some bring me to tears...i truly think they are happy tears. tears in response to how much of a HUGE part of my life he is, was and always will be. i think about him and talk to him everyday. i know he is proud of me. i just wish he was able to physically hug me, kiss me, give me advice, run with me, go to movies, and grab a drink. what scares me is that i will never find a guy that is good enough. i dont know that i will be able to find a guy like dad, or drew. i just dont know...
i do a lot of thinking these days. about how fragile life is. but how miraculous a ride it is as well. how important it is to tell those you love just that, and not let the madness of reality get the better of you. to not allow jerks, and moody people affect you. they do not deserve it. but also, im learning not to allow guys who bring me down to remain in my life. at least not waste time and energy on them. friends...sure. any more of myself...not a chance. i find that i dont have patience for stupid shit. for grudges. my job is not to please everyone all the time (thank you for that advice daddio!!!). i am me, you are you. lets just be happy with life :)
i want to say i love you to all my family and friends. you make me realize how lucky and loved i am. i hope i do the same for you. you fullfil my life in ways that i only dreamt possible. i wish nothing but happiness, health and positivity in the new year! lets continue to join together and have the best 2009. 2008 was a fucking hell of a year. but without all of you, it would not have been possible to understand any of it. i am so proud to know you. and have you on my team. i know my dad is smiling at all of us. thank you. i love you. xoxo
please keep in mind, the lettering rules for the brick were extremely rigid. haha.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
it was funny though, as until i read the back of the card (so sweet) i forgot you all read this blog! haha. i forgot that friends and family can see this. that made me realize that, A) i need to update lots more and B) gave me a great laugh that all my dorkness is shared by all that i love
i love you guys sooooo much! hope everyone is good, and everyone is getting ready for christmas! xoxoxo
well, its tuesday. its a shitty day outside. how can it be so wonderful one day, and 12 hours later be so miserable? good grief! well, it IS december 16th afterall. haha. and really, im happy, loving life, and this is such a fun time of year. i can suck it up and find the good in scraping the ice off my car...walking to my car down the street in the pouring rain...going nymb as i change lights outside of azura. life is funny, and these are the moments that i think mold us into good characters. (and i will learn to wear gloves, a coat and long pants one day. ehh, actually, thats a lie. i totally wont). hell, my dad never did. :)
one magazine azura has signed on to advertise with is called "fine living". the first issue we will be featured in comes out first thing february (you know with all those pesky deadlines and being far ahead, january is being worked on now)...so we are throwing around ideas for the shoot. its going to be a music theme...models rocking out with guitars and things...as the issue is honoring an F&M music teacher i believe...that, and the new music theater downtown. best part?! guess who is going to be the model? yours truly!!! haha, what a riot, right?! i think itll be hilarious...quite frankly, im quite nervous. we will be getting hair and makeup.
*note: its freaking snowing outrageously right now!!!!!!!!! GRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (heyyy, at least our heat works, right?!?!)
so i will keep you updated on all things hilary throughout the week. my biggest hope is that sales continue...hopefully, getting better too!!!! the photo shoot is happening within the next week, so ill post that too! we are planning a fashion show for february so we are busy doing that as well.
ohh and lastly, im getting my hair done tomorrow and am dreaming of the perfect thing i want to do, but what the hell is that?! i just dont know what to do with it! my mom just got hers done yesterday...went "really blonde". haha, it was cute...i teased her a little...i mean, she was always "really blonde". her hair looks awesome...and it IS...super blonde :) haha. but you know how you go in wanting the perfect shade, highlight, cut, added colors, etc. but really, at the end of the day, what is that?! i just hope i can figure it out :) haha. i loooove my hair dresser, and she knows me and my head so i have no doubt itll be great.
ok, back to work!!! more later! :)
Monday, December 15, 2008
this weekend was so fun. we went to all different bars, had way to much to drink, and flirted with all sorts of boys. pretty fun little life. haha. just kidding.
i have a new crush! hope i get some pictures soon so i can share him with you. but i love being boy crazy...keeps me young, and happy.
k, back to work! xoxo
Sunday, December 14, 2008
...to consider spanx pants an exercise plan.
...to leave it for somebody else to clean up (for once)
...if you always have to peek at the person next to you at dinner parties to remember which fork to use first
...to ask every one of your friends for advice, and then do the opposite
...to think plain old condoms are perfectly fine. so what if they dont glow in the dark or smell like strawberries
...to never fantasise about being a lady who lunches. its much more fun to be a woman who lives
...if you kind of liked your presents before they were unwrapped. (saying so? NOT OK!!)
*avoiding chipped fingernails means no gardening, no pistachio eating, no "heart and soul" playing. not worth it!
*nobody interesting has neat hangwriting.
*well, its exhausting.
*have you seen the venus de milo? awe-inspiring-and yet, missing two arms.
*your being a size 4 wont make him better in bed.
*every happy family has a pathelogical liar arsenist cousin who owes them $2000. or some such.
*mutts are just the cutest.
*breast implants need replacing every 10 years or so. just FYI.
*if you act like a perfect professional all the time, no one will talk to you at the office holiday party.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
it was soooooo fun having them in the store. i am pretty much obsessed with the two of them.
i feel really safe and happy when i am with them, near them, or talking to them. they make me happy...so thanks guys!!! :) xoxo
ok, well back to work...but i love you guys!!!! SO MUCH!!!!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
look, bucko...i had a rough night last night too. i didnt sleep well. im pissed off. i have to go to the bathroom. im stressed about the economy too...i may not make rent. i have to clean my apt. i need to go buy cat food and vacuum. but i wont act like that to you. all you should know about me is that i am happy, working hard, and will do anything to make your shopping experience wonderful. so, please, do the same for me. dont throw a pile of clothes on the floor. dont demand anything...simply request it. please, thank you, and a smile are all free but are universally appreciated.
it is my job to help you, and, believe me, i want to. i want you to look beautiful or find something for a loved one to do the same. i want to make you happy, and smile, and boost your confidence. i want you to find something that takes your breath away, that surprises even you. all of that makes me happy. but you need to work with me. we are on the same team.
that said, happy shopping! haha :)
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
...to really want to get married super-duper bad.
...to discover all your new music courtesy of the hills.
...to secretly hope that your exes consider you the one that got away.
...to find the word "panties" totally creepy.
...to take a quick YouTube break at work. A sneezing panda can really clear the head.
...to buy it without trying it on-especially if you are wearing more layers than a piece of baklava.
...to laugh inappropriately every time Maury says, "Billy Bob...you are the father"
...to wish you came equipped with guy GPS. ("Turn left at the next man to avoid heartbreak. Recalculatin!)
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
there were a few songs, and then the best part...they lit up a dozen or so trees. it was a cute moment. we walked around the trees...and then tried our darnedest to find dads brick. little dark though, haha. i cant wait to see it!!
we were given a program that listed all the names honored over this past year. its so crazy...if i see his picture or name i lose it. i can keep it strong if i need to, unless i do either one of those. oh geez. we got pins too. cute little memento.
well, dad. youre now officially shining out there for the world to see!! (granted, i think you shine all the time...but even more now!!! :) :) :)). thinking about my dad makes me happy and feel special. i want him back so bad. they had a speaker say a few words tonight...he spoke psalm 23...dads favorite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its been a busy week with all these ceremonies...and it feels soooo good. were really looking forward to spending christmas at hospice. i cant think of a better place to be :)
but i have to say, it cracks me up...i go to these things with the best of intentions of keeping it together and just putting up a little front of strength. it was a simple setup of flowers with the speakers off to the side so we could all watch a video of the pictures of the lives lost this past year. the video flashed either the name or the name with a picture. wellll, as you can imagine, as soon as i saw dad i cried. not in that over-the-top manner but into my tissue. good grief!!!! and so as the night progressed i just felt weaker and weaker and lost my ability to reel it in! haha. i didnt get overly annoyingly sad, as i was in public afterall, but definitely affected. we were fortunate enough to see his picture flash twice...such a happy, sweet picture.
ive had a lot of reflective moments recently. ive really had some downer times...im at a point where i could really use my dads advice. with jobs, boys, and being a girl. but more on alll those thoughts later :)
tonight is the ceremony at hospice. mom and i are both really excited...i cant wait to fill you all in on how it goes. the best part!? im finally going to get to see his brick laid out!!!!!!! ohhhh, itll be so special. and tonight i will be bringing a box-o-tissues!! haha. xoxo
Monday, December 1, 2008
being dorky, rachel and i have these conversations where we dissect how we think it is totally dad just keeping his eye on us...little does gary know that my dad has taken over his body, haha. welllll, the other day, he stopped rachel randomly to introduce himself. no reason at all. just saw her walking emmitt and decided to say hello. totally crazy!?? i mean, noone does that. he even took off his glove and shook her hand.
and gary...4 letters. john...4 letters. i told you, dissect everything! soo, either i want rachel and drew to take a picture (haha, stealth mode...cant let him see!!!) or i want to see him. its totally funny and makes me smile thinking that dad is still roaming around. god bless him, hes still running...in his normal attire. god love him!! xoxo
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
...youre actually interested in learning how to save money on car insurance.
...someone asks you about your ex and, instead of ragging on him for two hours straight, you dispatch the matter with a perfectly executed eye roll.
...even though everyone else brags about how much they love dark chocolate, you still like your Snickers and arent afraid to say so.
...it finally dawns on you that waking up with a 102-degree fever means you should keep your sorry ass at home (and that, yes, your coworkers will muddle through without you).
...you no longer find yourself wearing your bikini bottoms some days because you have absolutely, positively no clean undies left.
*...you feel truly grateful for what you have, despite all the stuff (obnoxious in-laws, cellulite, perpetually messy closets) you wish you didnt.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
this year marks the beginning of tragic firsts. all events, birthdays, holidays, anniversaries and memories will be had without my dad. he was the kelley family team captain and always will be. he can never, and will never lose that title.
amidst my tears i am having a very difficult time writing this. soo, to wrap this up, thank you. for everything. this is (i hope) the hardest, saddest, most intense thing i will ever know. i dont know when, if ever, it will register. it hasnt yet. im still waiting for his business trip to end. maybe one day...
happy thanksgiving everybody! i am truly thankful for you. xoxo
Monday, November 24, 2008
one of the girls that i have been lucky enough to meet through the craziness that has been cjd was sweet enough to include dad in a recent cjd walk. i sent her a picture of dad and his info and she sent me the picture of him around the walkers neck. i was so touched that she emailed me the picture. i know dad was looking down having a ball that he was being honored. i wish it could have been me wearing his neck, but i am just happy jessie was able to wear him. its a cute touch that the picture was taken on my birthday...feels about right, haha :) i love you dad! and thank you nikki and jessie!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, November 21, 2008
its funny, these days there really arent any celebrities that i just loooove. i think the gossip girl boys are adorable, always have a soft spot for andy roddick, and still love the backstreet boys. these arent "sexy men" though...they are cute and adorable. the sexiest man definitely needs to be all man. otherwise i think it loses credibility and becomes the latest teen mag poster kid. maybe daniel craig? matt lauer? joe biden? edward norton? people who arent soo damn in your face. no more george clooney (sexy, yes. but too unoriginal). brad pitt (same)...you get where i am going...
i got it!!! ricky gervais!!! ok, so he probably doesnt come to mind as the sexiest man alive in the traditional sense, but i mean come on. the man is hilarious, self-depracating, hugely successful and happily married. sounds perfect. well, there you have it. hilary kelley has chosen ricky gervais as the sexiest man alive in 2008. i think its more fun if the guy isnt the "it" actor of the moment, if he isnt the most popular, or best looking for the majority of the population. thats too easy. (secretly i still think they should be who i accidentally named at the top...shhh)
Thursday, November 20, 2008
2. your world can be half-real and half-imaginary.
3. if theres even the slightest doubt, hit the potty before you leave (i can attest to this...always always obey this one...haha).
4. homework blows. bring work home with you and itll ruin your night. and your marriage.
5. theres a reason they dont give credit cards to 8-year-olds. youre supposed to save up for a new toy.
6. the coolest adults are the ones who listen.
7. adrenaline is the greatest drug.
8. rain isnt something to curse but to enjoy. hurry up, before it clears.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
i had an awesome weekend. the grand opening party was fabulous and seeing aaron was awesome. i will post pics soon so you all can enjoy them too.
happy monday everyone!!!
...to start your to-do list with a task you have already done.
...to tell your family that you met your current boyfriend through mutual friends and leave out the fact that those friends were Bud and Weiser.
...to begin thinking about lunch at 9:35 A.M.
...to shout "I am not!!!!!!!!!" when he claims you are hormonal.
...to smirk when you see the big, tough guys at your gym tripping on the ellipical machine.
...to demand to be taken off speakerphone.
...to RSVP without a plus-one.
...to bail on plans because the grinch is on. you do not turn your back on little cindy lou-who.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
today has been a little rough around the edges...nothing a lot of bagels and treats cant handle. i think were all going out again tonight...i think im getting too old for this! haha. my body hates me. haha. buuuut, aaron flew all the way here from california to surprise me for my birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG! hes spending the weekend with me. shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. haha. i was speechless when he showed up at our party. i forgot to breath for like 5 minutes. ill get tons of pictures.
ok, well back to work. :)
Thursday, November 13, 2008
on another note, im not liking all the "firsts" we are having to go through...my first birthday without my dad, my moms, their anniversary, thanksgiving, Christmas and new years. all that coming up in the next 2 months. thats a lot of great things that he made all the better, that will be very difficult to understand without him. i want so bad to understand that i will be ok in this life. i want so bad to know that im doing well. i want so bad to look my dad in the eye and tell him a joke that will crack him up so hard he will want to hear more. i want to take him to a movie and talk to him about boys. i want to make him proud. i want to hug him. kiss him. i want to sit and just listen to him speak...about anything. i want to go for a run with him. i want him to teach me things. i want to take funny pictures with him. i want to buy him boxers for christmas. i want to surprise him with starbucks after work. i want to give him a back massage. hell, i even want to get an email from him...or text message. thatll do. with all of that, i am unclear how to fathom it. im not in denial, it just doesnt seem real. there are times where i relive that year over and over...from the time we found out to end in hospice. it feels like a movie.
so, as i started this post, tis the season. i am looking forward to remembering all the fun winter memories since i was a kid. remembering dad. heres to you dad! cheers!!!!!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
so, on this special day, forever november 12, i want to honor and pay my respects to those lives lost to cjd. especially you dad, the most amazing man i have ever known. i love you, miss you, and want to honor you today (and everyday).
i look forward to new developments in cjd research and hopefully one day a cure. i hope to be a part of the ongoing process that is research and development. i love the girls that ive met and want to thank them for their ongoing support. i truly love you all!
so, to all those that are partying with me this weekend, i cant wait!!!!!!
Monday, November 10, 2008
1. the new guy you are dating is the same age...as her.
2. that you do not bother "hovering" when using a public toilet: yes, your skin actually makes contact with the seat.
3. you carry condoms in your make-up bag...and sometimes even use them.
4. you have a tatoo.
5. that you may never get married...ever.
6. you lied when you told heryour louis vuitton bag was a "knock-off"...it is how you used last months rent.
7. that you own a vibrator...in fact, several.
8. that the "virus" you had was actually the world's worst three-day hangover.
9. it is not running that helped you drop 2 dress sizes...who knew pole dancing was such great excercise.
there are soooo many more funny ones that i read, but a few were a bit inappropriate for this blog. i hope the few i listed will make you laugh. it did me...haha.
Friday, November 7, 2008
its been 9 months since that day. im not exactly sure what that means...its still so fresh, so sad. still something im pretty sure im in denial about. i will only call it "that day." i still cant say anything more grave than that. when i find myself having a bit of a down moment, i find that just picturing his face makes me smile. just thinking about his passion for life, work and family make me proud. i am one lucky daughter. (sister, too...huh, drew!! hahaha). i want my dad to know how he made our lives sparkle and shine. he made me believe...in life, in myself, in others. i am tring to rise above the hole in my heart to prove to him that i can do it. he is always with me...cheerleading in my ear. he is laughing with me, crying with me, and cracking jokes. so, i cant wait to send him another balloon. i hope he got a kick out of it for his birthday!!!
thanks dad. for everything.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
while at work yesterday one of our security guys came and to chat. they always seem to do this...i swear they just need an ear every once in a while. so after like 30 minutes of BS chatting, he goes into why he has decided not to vote. he claims to hate both candidates so his answer was to boycott it all together. now normally id debate him and come back at that comment and explain why that is quite franly the most ignorant and uneducated decision he could make, but at this point i didnt care. all i said was that he then forfeits the right to bitch and moan about our political world. BAM! haha, just kidding.
but honestly, no candidate is perfect. duh. no one guy is going to revolutionize the world tomororw. so relax buddy and vote for who you trust to be our face for a few years. and have confidence that you are part of the bigger picture. and ifyou really hate all candidates go and vote yourself as a write-in. but not voting? no excuse. and not impressive.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
happy belated halloween. here is a picture of ken and i showing off our moves at this dance party. there was a strobe light that you cant tell from the picture, but it definitely provided yours truly with the idea that she could dance. amazing how that happens. haha! i was a cat (um, after a ten hour work day and only 20 minutes you just put it together...haha, and ken was a member of the US swim team. pretty much, he just wanted a reason to be shirtless and in a speedo...hehe). it was a blast...minus having to get up and go to work the next day. EWW!
so this morning at church they mentioned everyones name that had died this past year. john kelley was one of them, and we now have flowers at work in his memory. i love you dad! i think about my dad everday, and all the greatness that he embodied. everything we went through was truly tragic, but i am proud of how much i have grown up. how i have learned to be more patient, resilient and strong. how i can now appreciate even the smallest of virtues and understand that good people are hard to come by, and i know how lucky i am so have so many. i learned to find the humor in life...whether it be the many times i was trimming my dads eyebrows and nose hairs, or when i dropped a soda in my house and it literally exploded everywhere, working 12 hour days weeks in a row, spilling oodles of pink paint in my hair, or more serious things. my dad taught me all these things. even if he didnt know it. throughout his life he was my rock. during his illness he forced to (unknowingly) to figure it all out...and be his rock. i had the unique opportunity to be his lifeline. i think he is, was and always will be proud of me. i know i will always think of him as my hero. i hope i continue to make him laugh up there in heaven everyday. im forever keeping him young...all the while giving him gray hair! i love you daddio!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!
ok, back to work. hope everyone is having a fabulous sunday!!! (is it time to read the comics yet?!)
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Friday, October 31, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
the other night (perfectly freezing and pouring rain) a work friend and one of my good guy friends went to see quarantine. nothing ends a long day at work better than a rabid-infested zombie movie!! haha. anyone seen it?! it was fun cause my guy friend is a baby when it comes to scary movies (me too a little, as i think everyone is) and was hysterically funny on the way home. he was freaking out cause there was so much fog, and my explanation of it being 1am, wet, rainy and cold wasnt helping him.
hmm, just wanted to say hi to Nikki and Lacy! HI GIRLS!!!!
ok, back to work!!! haha
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
i looove crafts, but have never been good at keeping clean. i got pink paint all over my eyelashes (um, yea, how you ask. NO IDEA!!!!). mom thought it was hysterical. we got it all over our clothes, hair, shoes, face, hands. good time, tiring, but ultimately funny.
i cant wait to share pictures as we get things together. its sooooo excititing!!! :)
Friday, October 17, 2008
you know i learned a lot about myself and life while he was sick. i learned how to take care of someone else so selflessly, and not care what it takes to make someone smile. i learned how to love trimming my dads nose hairs, his eyebrows, his hair, and feed him. i learned that no matter how bad he looked, smelled or confused he got, he was always the most perfect father and man i will ever know. i learned to love imperfections, and find the best in every situation. i learned to be more patient. i became a better person. i think to learn all that i have at 24 is a blessing. i want to thank everyone that is on team kelley. i celebrate john kelley everyday and am so sad, lost and scared that he is gone. i will never be the same. at this moment i am crying just thinking about all that we have lost and will never again have back. i am sorry for the world.
but, in his memory, even in this 40 degree weather, i am wearing shorts. in his honor. I LOVE YOU DAD!!!!!!!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
haha, ok in all seriousness i really am happy to be getting older. i love knowing what i like, what i dont, and not being shy about saying what i think. whether it be clothes, politics, entertainment, jobs, friends, boys or life in general, i love having an opinion and knowing that even if its not the same as everyone else's, its mine, and its enough. i like being able to assert myself and feel like i have something to say no matter the situation. i love being educated and smart about the world. i like being financially independent to make decisions, regardless how frivilous. i love knowing who my true friends are, who loves me and who i love. while getting older is so strange, its great.
but honestly 25?! how the hell did i turn 25?!?!? that number looks and sounds so strange. wow.
moments like the one to the right!!
the debates this election have been pretty uneventful, aside from all the fun the media is having mocking sarah palin. i, for one, LOVE debates and economic talk, but even as a girl who has studied economic policy for years, they are boring me!!!!!!! last night proved that mccain is a big baby. he needs to learn how to control his emotions. actually, you know what, i take that back. the guy just needs to stop trying to be president. he is 72...pleeeeasse, j. mac go enjoy your houses and cars and relax! you dont need to be president. leave that up to people that have the energy to do it, and have people backing them that are NEVER going to utter the phrase "gosh darn" in public. we are the united states, and we need to show the world why. this picture is the period at the end of the sentence stating why you, mccain, need to wave your white flag to obama.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Sunday, October 12, 2008
so the three of us decided to brave the "lancaster club scene" and go to this exclusive after party...HA!! we were shocked to see how many tweens (white, i might add) want so bad to either be gothic, whores, rock stars, emo, or punk rockers. um, ok, well i give an A for effort. it was the craziest sight...felt like urban outfitters, american apparel, hot topic and every tacky store ever threw up and this was the mess it created. now i LOVE urban outfitters, and love seeing what people put together. but i just cant explain what i saw. EEK! sooo, long story short, we had a blast taking pictures of ourselves all over lancaster just being goofy. please enjoy...
(sorry no pictures of all the craziness we saw...it was freaky! and i didnt want to take pics of weird kids that, to be quite honest, scared me)...and i usually LOOOVE unique looks.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
haha so obviously these are self-taken!! i only got it done about 10 minutes ago, so for now these will have to do. but i LOVE it!
Monday, September 29, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
that was the title of a book that caught my eye as i walked by it at target the other day. i read it as it was just an easy read of 100 reasons why a daughter needs her father. it was the cutest book i have ever seen. i debated buying it, which i may go back and do just so i have it as a reference, but i loved every reason. i think every daughter does need her father. i am coming to terms with the fact that what i have been through has tested my strength and what it means to be happy and whole, strong and confident. i am learning the true meaning of what it is to be a grown-up, and will the loss of my father i feel that i am a work in progress...and i think i am trudging this path the best i can. i think dad is proud. i think i make him laugh everyday...i think i am growing into a woman that he would be honored to father. i know we think of each other every day. he sparkles in my life every day...i live to honor him every day. i want him back. but most importantly, until i see him again, i want him to know he is with me as i learn to find my own way in the crazy crazy world. thanks dad! i love you.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Friday, September 5, 2008
...to only paint the two nails that are on show in your peep-toes
...to think about your eBay bid during sex
...if you have never quite mastered that public-toilet hovering move
...to dump a perfectly nice guy. so what if he is kind, responsible and his ancestors all had full heads of hair? that does not make him right for you.
...to delete any email that pops into your inbox with a subject line beginning FWD: FWD: FWD:
...to own more eyeshadow than you can possibly wear in one lifetime
...to skip the whole "i hope we can still be friends" charade. you have enough friends
these types of fun things will be a usual post for my blog. i love seeing what i agree with, what i do not, etc.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
you wake up in the morning, regardless of your alarm going off. don't you hate that? you get so used to your routine that on the weekends your body is telling you at 8 in the morning that you have already “slept in.” 8 in the morning! geez, that used to be the crack of dawn in college!
mornings are not the same without that initial cup of coffee. somehow redbulls, monsters, mountain dew are just not great choices anymore unless you want to sit in front of your computer shaking involuntarily. that one cup of coffee at the office officially starts your day and you are “ready” to work!
making lunch dates is now an option. since you do get that one hour break in your day now, you might as well put it to use, right? it is the perfect amount of time to do have a “coffee shop” date. you know. go for coffee, and if things are normal enough, venture off to dinner. if only this would have worked in college I would have saved A LOT of time!
talking about favorite TV shows is a great topic of conversation. let's face it though. if you have a good sense of humor, talking about TV shows has always been an option. Now it's different. talking about a TV show at work is a means to connect with coworkers. that is how clicks are formed.
after a few drinks, all you desire is your TV and your couch. going out is no longer automatic, it is a process. to decide where to go, when to meet, who to meet, and how to get there. if either one of these steps is a problem, you figure it's just easier to plan for another time.
inevitably, everyone who is younger than you seem way younger and the people who seemed way older are no longer “that” old. this becomes very apparent when you are at a club. people bumping into you goes from “whatever” to an annoyance.
finally, you know you are growing up when you no longer miss those things that used to occupy or better yet waste your time. if men reach this point by the time they are 30, they are in good shape. if women don't reach this point by 30, they are living in denial!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
if youre in the need of a great laugh, or need to kill some time, check out his website:
so, god, all is ask is that you continue to help us through this journey. i think its time we were thrown a bone. win the lottery? ill take it. land a great job? sure. crush on a cool guy? um, yea do that every minute of every day, but ill always take more! just more of the same too. happiness, love, comfort and ease. so thanks. to you and everyone. the people in my life are there for a reason. so thanks. (even if im not always heard)
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
how cute are these!!? theyre postcards. BUT, for people like me, and my best friend ali, they are maps!!! no more getting lost in the worst parts of town, different cities, or heading west instead of east for hours by mistake. ehh, who am i kidding, thats part of why our lives are so fun. and quite frankly, we have fun getting lost. beyyyyyyyyyyyyyyond lost. haha. but, these postcards are pretty cute. had to share...
...with summer coming to a close, that inevitably means the coming of fall. ugh. i love shorts...tshirts...sunglasses...polos. i am not a jeans girl. not a sweater girl. hello, global warming...can you hear me?? id appreciate if you showed your true colors and kept the sun and all its glory here for the next few months. thanks.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
my mom and i recently went down to owings mills to visit drew and rachel. it was great to hang out...we spent the day in hunt valley. doesnt that just sound rich?? it does to me. anyway, we visited wegmans and other shops. it was a beautiful day as you can tell by the pictures. haha notice the sunglasses rachel and i are wearing...drew teases us constantly that they are HUUUGE and take up our faces. i love them!! hahaha....ohhh bro....how i love to embarass thee :)
Monday, August 25, 2008
we took pictures throughout the night but these were hysterical cause we were in a cab that was by far the WORST driver ever...i swear, we are lucky to be alive. we thought, what the hell, might as well have fun, so we were screwing around. haha, these crack me up just remembering this ride. um, i think ali and aaron are so cute...i really have no idea what the hell im doing in any of these. but enjoy them, as we were pretty much just being crazy and fun. hahaha....what a fun weekend :)
Sunday, August 24, 2008
happy birthday stern!
so i was right, not much sleep. and i forgot my contact stuff so the precious little sleep i got, i had to do with my contacts in. HORRIBLE! haha. anway, it was a crazy, whirlwind weekend, but it was so much fun reuniting with everyone. attached is a picture of (left to right) me, jesse, ali, stern, sarah, and then just one of stern and i. more details later, im a little too tired right now, haha.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
ok ok, no more of that right now. i could talk like that forever. but this should be a good cleansing. and tomorrow we are meeting with ted for coffee. that will be really positive too. he has a way of making me feel calm about it all. i guess thats why hes a preacher, haha. so thats what us kelley girls have going on...ill be sure to update later this week.
love you all! xoxo
Friday, August 15, 2008
did anyone remember to catch the perseid meteor shower last night/this morning?! for the first time in a long time, i forgot about it, ahhh!! (i have been wayyyyy too excited and into the olympics). its known to be a pretty cool shower, they say you can see as many as 60 meteors per hour. thats pretty crazy! ohh astronomy...how i love thee. haha.
Monday, August 11, 2008
first of all, dre dawg you kick ass. my god. you are getting your MBA and graduating with honors. all the while balancing a full time job (which, by the way you kick ass at) and being an amazing brother, son and husband. i mostly know the brother stuff, but i know the others are true. haha.
and mom. my best friend. im so lucky to have the most amazing woman on my team, playing captain with me. haha. we make an amazing duo...and i thank you for your strength, confidence, and energy. i only hope i provide the same.
to you both, thank you. for so many things. for everything. for putting up with me. for laughing with me. and crying. and remembering to stop and smell the roses. for being my family. for being you. im so excited for our lives and am so lucky to share everything with you guys. forever wildcats!! (haha, random, but i wanted to say that)
i love you guys!!!!
holy shit! the united states 4x100 meter relay ousted France by 8 one hundredths of a second!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! watching it was one of the most amazing moments in athletic history. i was screaming at the TV and just sooooo happy and excited. it was utterly phenomenal...and sums up what the Olympics are all about. congrats boys, you make us all proud to be americans!
how do those trash talking words taste, France? oh not so good? hahahahaha.....
Sunday, August 10, 2008
the beijing 2008 summer olympics are under way, and it has been such fun watching it! the great thing about michael phelps, in my opinion, is that he is so all-american. hes known for working his ass off to do what he needs to do. hes not popular for being hot, rich or tan. hes not david beckham. he is chasing something that has never been done before (8 gold medals) and might (make that probably) achieve it. during interviews he is so normal. so not perfect. so ordinary. i love that.
aside from that, everything about the olympics is exciting. and honestly, the opening ceremony was a specticle beyond words. way to go beijing...you really know how to WOW the world. thank you for that.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
while i was walking down the street to mail a letter an ice cream truck drove by me. i thought i heard the familiar jingle, but not until i turned around did i see the truck. who knew they still had those!?!?! i actually did not know that they were still around. as my brother and i reminisced, we laughed about how we probably would not buy anything from them nowadays as you can get so much more for your money at the grocery store or actual ice cream place, and it can not be the cleanest ice cream, right?! haha. but it got me thinking...
sometimes i miss the good ol' days when we played outside until it got dark and mom and dad had to shout for us to come home. a time when you really earned those showers, what with dirt-filled nails, graveled feet and chlorine hair. the days when it was ok to get sunburned and not reapply sunscreen every 5 minutes. a time without the thought of bills, laundry or gas prices, when the biggest dilemma was which boy i was in love with, and what amusement park ride we should ride next. when kick the can, soccer games, capture the flag and truth or dare were highlights of my day. just thinking back to all the things that made life fun. it was the simple things. a time when we were riding bikes way before there was an ozone problem. i could go on forever, as i really want to thank my family and friends for the most amazing childhood ever. (and even now, as they and i are all paving our way still...thank you. you are making my adult life even better. i only hope i impact you the same way.)
here is to bringing back that mentality! here is my toast to living life with the fondness and ease of a kid, the ambition and responsibility of an adult and all the laughs, memories, tears and craziness along the way.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
a few days ago my mom and i decided to road trip it to king of prussia mall, about an hour away. we have our spot where we always go to go to the bathroom. this time was no different, but my mom also wanted to get gas. we parked, and took care of the bathroom situation first. then, we got in the car and drove to the pump (about 100 yards away). we got out, and as she went to the nozzle, i went inside to get sodas and gum. i came out to my mom cracking up. and by that i mean "susie kelley laughing", totally hilarious!! i started cracking up and she said i needed to reverse the car, as she pulled too far ahead. easy enough. (oh if only....)
we went to put in the nozzle and it did not fit. we were hysterical so i figured it was just us not being able to control ourselves and was meant to do this and we just needed to press harder. she was laughing too hard, so i tried. i could not understand why we were struggling so much (as we are pretty able people, and pumping gas is not exactly rocket science) so i gave up on the damn thing. a man then came over and asked if we were meaning to pump diesel gas into our car. holy shit, what was that!?!??!?!?!? in this particular case, the diesel nozzle was not placed separately from the rest, so we did not realize that was why it did not fit. so, long story short, we pumped 75 cents of diesel gas into our car before realizing this and starting over.
haha i have to be honest, i am still laughing about this. it was one of the funniest moments i have ever experienced. there is never a dull moment when my mom and i are together and her laugh and attitude are so damn fun that its moments like these and people like her that make life worth living. (and i am pretty sure we provided that stranger a story for his friends later...)
that said, can someone please explain to me the difference between regular and diesel gas. at the time i did not have the heart to ask. felt dumb enough, and we wanted to jet out of there!! haha...
and yes, i agree. my mom and i should take our act on the road...hahahahahahahaha.... :):)
at any given time, i have about a million thoughts and ideas in my head. those who know me, know this all too well...haha!! ive decided, at the suggestion of my aunt (thats you aunt martha!!) to start a blog. nothing serious, nothing too crazy, just a personal space where i can vent and release some of what is going on in my head. maybe that will help me with my ADD...but probably not, haha, as im sure to just fill it will other things :)...what can i say, it runs in the family.
im totally new to this blogging thing, but i love to write and think this is going to be so fun! i am so excited you all get to follow me on my blog as i chat about all sorts of things...please chime in with any and all of your thoughts and ideas and jokes and everything!!!! thisll be a family thing!
so, here we go...