Tuesday, December 21, 2010

hey, its ok...

* to move across the country - or around the world - for love.
its also OK to make him move. youre worth it.

* to never trust a man in silk boxers.

* to buy yourself a Christmas present. wrapping and
putting it under the tree is one step too far, though.

* to not be careful what you wish for.
if you get it, dive right in.

* to cancel plans because The Muppet Christmas Carol is on.
you dont turn your back on the golden oldies, thank you very much.

* to google your own name. you know, just to see.

* if your mom still gives you a Christmas stocking (even if you do ask her to).

* to stare unashamedly at a hot girl - then get annoyed if your boyfriend does.

21st.

happy holidays!

kinda had a lot to say, but have been attempting this post for about 3 hours (between errands, interviews and work). so, ill try back later. haha

Thursday, December 16, 2010

taking a look back

i was scrolling back through my blog today. i am really excited that i will be able to reread my life over the past few years thanks to my lil bloggie. ive always been pretty obsessed with writing in journals (i think i have about 45 of them), and this is a fun new way to do that. granted, i think written journals are the way to go, as thats where you should keep your secret thoughts and stuff. online is just not the place for that.

i credit aunt martha with giving me the idea to start this blog...something i excitedly began in august 2008. its been a little over two years, and im still in love with it. its grown and changed with me as i have gone through a lot over the past 2+ years.

cant wait to see where life goes these next few year s (and beyond!)

WOO WOO!!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

a rarity: a to-dont list

december is typically a pretty frantic month. holiday shopping, baking, work, socializing, eating a lot, and doing all the normal life things that need to be done. needless to say, you probably dont need more items to add to your to-do list. fret not, as i am happy to share with you some things you dont need to worry about this month (courtesy of our friends at health magazine).

* feeling bad about exchanging that present you totally hate. thats what gift receipts are for!

* bird poop facials - actually offered at some spas. no matter how radiant your skin might look afterward, its still bird poop, and its still on your face! theres no shame in staying with the core spa menu, like a nice Swedish massage.

* sticking to your diet at Christmas dinner. OK, so you shouldnt do a face-plant in the sweet potato casserole and eat your way out, but its one day, people. we say eat what you like and get back to normal when the world isnt awash in rum-soaked cake.

* getting glam for the gym. even kelly ripa says she works out without her makeup and padded bra. were with kelly: its not like were going to burn more calories by having perfect hair.

* breaking up with ben and jerry. so what if a few ingredients are not quite all natural? lets get real - its ice cream, not health food!

* forcing yourself to wear the jeans style du jour, whether its skinny, high-waisted, or boyfriend. knowing what looks good on your body and sticking with it shows true personal style.

* fillers for your feet. a New York City podiatrist is injecting facial filler into the balls of womens feet to help make it less painful to sport skyscraping stilettos. for the same money ($1000 per foot - and it lasts less than a year!), you could buy a whole wardrobes worth of sexy, comfy kitten heels instead.

armed with a few to-donts this month, you are now humored enough to get going on the to-do list. happy  TO-DOing!!

Monday, December 6, 2010

Hey, its OK!

...to tell your friends you love them...stone cold sober.

yep.

LOL!

a couple lil jokes to brighten your day...

two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. one starts to insult the other one. he screams, "i slept with your mother!" the bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. the first again yells, "i slept with your mother!" the other weasel says, "go home, dad, youre drunk."

a chicken and an egg are lying in bed. the chicken is smoking a cigarette with a very satisfied smile. the egg is frowning and looking frustrated. the egg says, "guess we answered that question."

HA! happy monday.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

how do you mourn?

when i lost my dad, i felt pretty numb. despite having SO much thought going on in my head, i didnt have anywhere to go with it since i wasnt ready to talk about anything. those first few months had nothing to do with mourning or sadness or loss. i was so numb i didnt feel anything. i knew all those feelings were there, but i wasnt able to actually feel them. any time i tried to talk about anything, id sob. i sobbed in a hospice group therapy meeting, with ali, and on my own. ali told me she was ready to talk anytime i was...she patiently sat with me through tears, laughs, and fear. she still does :)

after the initial period of despair, loss and numbness came a "what the FUCK just happened?!!" head space. i was so confused and sad at everything that i didnt know how to process anything. or how to function properly. i didnt feel social...having fun felt wrong. the light that i had in my eyes just faded away. tears flooded my body.

to cope, i decided to go against everything that was naturally me. i wanted to escape my life for a second, so i dyed my hair dark and found a fondness for black nail polish. looking back, i think i wanted to hide. fade, if you will. with dark hair, i definitely felt different than i did with blond hair. and, although my mom is/was/and will always be mortified that i was a brunette for a time, i really liked it. just like my time spent in LA was purposeful, being a brunette was a necessary change.

hell, its not like i went off the rails. i changed my hair.

that said, i can totally understand how a serious thing like this can send you off the rails. i figure if being a brunette is the worst thing i do, ill be ok.

i am now currently returning to my naturally lighter hair. and, for the time being, lighter nail polish. it was a fun period though. i go through phases randomly. ha, dad would be so proud ;)

im heading out to a birthday party, but more thoughts and confessions to come. xo

Friday, December 3, 2010

its that time of year again...

for new years resolutions! are you thinking about yours?!

i havent officially figured out what mine is going to be, but i think im going to be pretty lax about it. i just want to live my life the way i am, continue to love and play with my friends and family, and laugh...A LOT. i feel like im rediscovering myself, and coming through the tunnel that we went through. gone is the jet black (or super dark violet, rather) hair, and dark nail polish. back are my highlights and fresh nails. im meeting tons of people and having a ball.

aside from the job market being a complete shit show, im loving life. i love new york. im incredibly proud that despite some pretty rough times, i have been able to overcome fear and live life the way i need to. i have lived and thrived all over the USA and am damn proud of that. i have amazing friends! we laugh through the tears and fears of life, cry through the same, and dance when needed. we bond over being broke, but happy, and thrilled we all know each other.

thank you friends. you love me despite any imperfections. you love me because, im, well, just me. you make life worthwhile, and i am so lucky for you.

heres to a sure-to-be incredible new years eve celebration with my best friends! let the countdown begin!!!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

12.2.10

hard to believe we are coming up on 2011. hilariously enough, i distinctly remember my crew and i celebrating the millennium...which DOES NOT feel like over a decade ago! whaaaaaat?!

a lot has happened this year. good, bad, indifferent. im in a good place.

ok, serious ADD has kicked in...ill be back later :) xoxo

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

happy december

WOW! december 1st.

its funny, ive been doing a lot of comparisons in my head these past few months...comparing what ive been up to here in new york versus what i was doing this same time last year in los angeles. with me starting the years relatively during the same time, i see it happening a lot this year.

moving to new york, which has proven to have its own challenges for sure, was a great decision. i am 3 blocks from my best friend, and in a city with a lot of my favorite people. (and a few hours in any direction from a lot more).

my life/time in LA has a special place in my life and heart. i made the decision to move to LA to find some closure on some things, get away from others, and prove something to myself. even though i know i succeeded in this, i still struggle with feeling good enough. little by little, we are working on this (i have informally hired ali and ryan to coach me with life)...our stories, advice and date nights are ABSURD and i love every second of it. i am really blessed with such amazing friends....and i am still laughing about the other nights discussion. maybe even still blushing :) haha....

on another note, spending a few days home in lancaster was hilarious. i road tripped it home with a few buddies and it was hilarious. we had dinner and went out to party. we bar hopped college-style all over lanc. it was a lot of fun.

long story short, thanksgiving day was great. we spent it with cathy and eric. LOVE THEM! we played games, and just laughed so hard. we talked about dad and her husband who we lost. it was nice.

friday was more craziness, when we also went out. we met a lot of new people and met up with some old faces. im a bit love sick over a crush i may have been harboring for a very long time.

just to paint a picture of how our night started, amanda, ali and i walked in to the bar and a man came up to us and said "my wife sent me over to buy you three drinks." he put $100 on the table, did shots with us, got us champagne and the night began. it was all hilarity from there (after some confusion on our part about why a wife would send her husband to buy drinks for young girls, but after we overcame our cynicism we had fun with it). turns out it was her boss and she was setting him up cause hes an ass.

hope thanksgiving was great for everyone. i cant wait for christmas break. and new years. im hoping this year will be something special :)