Thursday, January 29, 2009

la la la

so, word is, the magazine i shot the ad for is coming out within the next 2 weeks. the launch party is before valentines day weekend, so im pretty excited! i really wanted it to be out before i head to see aaron. (i hope it turns out well…hehe). he called me last night to talk about our trip and catch up. ugh, after we hung up i shed a tear, i wont lie. i got overwhelmed and frusterated that the trip is not going to be all about us. its pretty much me fending for myself during the day while he will be playing tennis…and spending nights at “events” where he needs to mingle and meet some people. he wanted to see if this was all ok with me…um, what the hell…its not like i could say anything but yes. which is fine…it all sounds like ball. but am i wasting my time?! im getting better at taking life a step at a time…but i get frusterated that it sometimes gets so damn complicated. i emailed ali right away to see if this trip was still worth it. i havent officially decided yet. ok, so theres my bitching for the day.

i think the thing that kills me is that my life would be in an amazing spot if my dad were here. id bet getting life advice, boy advice, work advice, and the presence of the coolest dude i know. he kept me in line. he kept me light-hearted. he kept me sane (a very hard thing to do…hahahaha). alas, im lost without him. so i totally overanalyze shit like this. i overcomplicate simple things. i need him here. its amazing how stupid things seem when you put it all in perspective. i mean, maybe i should just see this weekend as a fun time aaron and i will drink too much, stay up too late, eat too much and party too hard and just have it be that. we wont be curing cancer, but were going to have fun together. maybe that should be enough.

this past year with him has been really amazing for me. maybe i should just listen to my dads voice in my head and take it a day at a time. why worry. its just a good time. itll figure itself out.

i do need my dad though. i really do. its hard trudging this damn thing called life. a damn hard time.

Monday, January 26, 2009

its super dark hair that is. here is one that i uploaded...more to come!!
i hope you all are having a faaaaaaaaaaaaabulous monday. XOXOXO

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

courtney love minus the heroin and running mascara...

that is how my look was described while getting ready for my first outfit in the photo shoot. haaa!!! as you can imagine, i was in for it. anyway here are a few pictures my mom took from the day. it was FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZING...the heat was not on and it was insane. but it was a ball and i cant wait to do it again!!

Monday, January 19, 2009

so sorry!

this blog is my absolute baby and i feel like i have been neglecting it a bit. i feel like i have been really busy, and am also trying to start up this other blog. there is SO much going on this month and next (and hopefully so on...) so i will be sharing as much as i can.

happy monday!!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

man vs. food

after work last night, while doing some things around the apt, i turned on the tv. i was flipping channels and came across this show called “man vs. food” where this dude travels to different cities and attempts some pretty hefty food challenges. the episode last night saw him trying to beat a record by eating 12 pounds of food in the form of burgers (5 patties, 5 slices of cheese, gross amounts of bacon) and 5 pounds of fries. long story short, he was able to eat 7 pounds before running out of time (i think he was given an hour).

i LOVE food shows. i think theyre fun and entertaining. all kinds…one of my faves is diners, drive-ins and dives. i love paula deen and giada. i love food network challenges. i just think its entertaining….BUT this is craziness. i love the host of this show, but some of his challenges are beyond me. i mean 7 pounds of hamburger meat??? cant that, like, stop your heart? haha, just kidding. sorta.

but, check out this show. its pretty good. the only other episode i saw was him trying to eat this grossly HUUGE pizza ( i cant remember the exact poundage)…but it involved pounds of sausage, pepperoni, cheese, etc. the dude he was attempting it with threw up and they were disqualified. hahaha.

im excited about catching more episodes. after a long day its kinda fun. and its fun to watch people attempt things you would never do. i mean, its so unneccesary. and gross. and half the stuff he eats is shit that im pretty sure is going to give him a heart attack byt age 35. but its tv….and thats the point, right!?

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

its that time again...

ok so im due for a hair appointment...which is scheduled for january 28th. that gives me 2 weeks to decide what to do will this hair of mine. keep ir dark? lighten it?

im having a hard time deciding whether to dye it all over dark again, or add some highlights. i dont think i want to go back to blond, but im pretty sure thats what my mom wants. any other option is pretty much "fine. just not you. youre my blonde girl". not sure what to do about that. anyway, i thought i was digging the dark for a change. i mean, for the better part of my 25 years ive been blonde.

so, yea, no idea. i think i just need a new face. ha. but i will definitely take suggestions. and criticism. you know what looks good on thanks ahead of time!!!

blog whore

as an avid blog writer, i find myself becoming a very active blog reader as well. i love gossip blogs, food blogs and family/friends blogs.

the goal for my blog, which started out merely as an idea from my aunt martha as a way for me to have an outlet for my poor brain, haha, has really become fun for me. its a fun place to share silly things i read, hear, see or experience. its a great outlet to bitch about all the things that have really been hard this year, and about the craziness that is me learning to really like a guy...past just crushing. (though, i know thatll never stop!!).

as i learn more and more about blogging, i find myself discovering other blogs that i read regularly (hence the title of this blog). id love to know what, if any, blogs you always on the lookout for some fun new ones!!

happy tuesday!

Monday, January 12, 2009

new blog

i have created another blog in hopes of widening my vision and hopefully getting more attention for various things. it will be another outlet for all things me: what im loving, hating, eating, seeing, laughing at, bitching about, crying over or crushing on. i have a lot of things going on, so i hope you all enjoy reading about it :)


whatcha doin this summer??

on july 26th 2009, the san francisco marathon/half-marathon is happening. it is on my dads birthday this year...if you are interested, please let me know :)

ps, rachel...we totally have to make shirts!!!

Sunday, January 11, 2009

hitting that proverbial brick wall

randy pausch so famously described hitting brick walls throughout his life, and finding ways to either knock through them or jump over them. i feel like i am at a place where i have hit one. now, how i am going to find my way around just not sure :)

i feel a bit like ive come to a crossroads in my life. im not one of those people that needs all the answers right now...but enjoys moving around and creating my life in different cities with people. it probably doesnt help that my best friends are all the same in this regard.

do i go to california and see if aaron and i make it happen? do i make my life work there, and get a job and have fun. do i stay here and hope we work it out? do i change my life and see what happens, or stay here. im not afraid of change...if anything, i thrive on it. i feel so strongly about this boy...something i am not used to feeling. would i move for him?! yes. but im no fool...there would need to be commitment on both sides.

i know how short life is. i know how exciting love is. i know that no matter what, my best friends are always there...something we all proved to each other the other week. my friends are in my pocket no matter what. they encouraged me to follow my heart..."hil, belong in LA. we all know you will make it anywhere so just give it a it!!"

then theres that little thing of what i want to be doing. i think working 7 days a week is really starting to annoy me. i still make time to go out (often) but it frustrates me that i dont ever have a day off. life is not work. even when you are passionate about what you do, there is more to life than work. also, retail blows. retail 7 days a week blows. and i hate to complain, i really do but im feeling oddly trapped in a weird head space, weird world.

the next few weeks/months will be telling. i will need to make some decisions about some things. i could really use dads advice and help right about now. thats another thing...i was so much better off with him in so many ways. god dammit. god dammit. god dammit.

so where does that leave me? ive got some things to figure out, but i will. there are times where i get scared and confused, but mostly im excited about the future. aaron says its going to be a great year...ill take his word for it. life is all about matter what, its going to give you shitty days, pissy people and unfortuate events. but you keep going, and youll have a ball creating those moments of triumph, fun, love and inspiration. and if that means i have to throw balls to the wall, and move...well, fuck, im up for it. whatever happens, life is going to be great. and i will knock over that brick wall...and continue on until i hit the next one ;)

Friday, January 9, 2009

jen would be so proud!

i am wearing skinny jeans today. with boots even. phew!

this is huge, considering i prefer my black kyodans (yoga pants), any free people pants or shorts and sweats for any occasion. jeans? hate em. always have. i think its because i hate feeling restricted in pants, and jeans do that to me. that, and i think they look awful. i sincerely dont think i was made for jeans. a few of my best friends share this opinion (haha, probably why we are best friends!!). i have one bf (jen) who is a total fashionista...and she cringes when she hangs out with us cause we are total tomboys. i mean, we wear makeup and love short skirts, but compared to her, what we wear will always compare to soccer shorts and ponytails.

buuut, as many of you know, aaron is coming to town tonight. and i want to knock him dead. (i dont mean that in a "im-so-hot" way. you all know i never think like that). what i mean is, i want to try to look my absolute best, and i think skin tight jeans can only help that. ha! and skinny jeans, by nature, are freakin tight to the 100th power. a bit of bronzer and 10 coats of mascara are the other weapons i have in my arsenal.

its so funny, ive been a little nervous all day in aniticipation for tonight. its just dinner and a game, but i want him to see me and go weak in the knees. (ill let you know if i do that to him! haha).

a must read!

national bestseller "the last lecture" by randy pausch. i read it in 12 hours...and thats with a nights sleep in the middle. for those that dont know what this book is about (and i didnt until someone bought it for my mom and she let me read it first since i sometimes get bored at work late at night), its about a computer science prof at carnegie mellon and his 'last lecture' given to his students (and others). usually profs are asked to give these lectures as a way to impart wisdom...a way to explain what they would do if it really was their last lecture.

randys was different. he really was dying, and this really was his last lecture. he had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. he was given 3-6 months. this book is a powerful read into the mind of a smart and successful man, given a death sentence, and how he must learn to find the optimism in everyday not to give up for his famiy and himself.

i think what i enjoyed most about this book was how many similarities i found within our own fight with dad. randy was constantly told he looked too good to be sick, he was so healthy, so fit. he still went to work, and his wife and colleagues still thought of him as a workaholic. he missed his wifes 41st birthday due to his commitment to this last lecture he so desperately wanted to give. he believed in the simple things...disneyworld, childhood dreams, and allowing kids to grow up and become what they want, not what they think they should be. the whole thing made me think of dad. all of it.

i could talk about this book for days, and still not say everything i loved about it. life is precious, this we know. it makes you think, though, for a second about all the faces you pass everday. about all the stories that walk by everyday...wives, husbands, fathers, mothers, sons and daughters, brothers and sisters. everyone is going somewhere, coming from somewhere. some are having really bad days, some really great ones. the outside never tells the whole story.

so, thank you suey (our friend who bought the book). this book was incredible. i enjoyed every page of this 200+ page book. yes, i got a bit sad. he was a good one. perfect, no. always good, no. had a perfect family and marriage, no. he was real. he had great wisdom. he had great ideas, and was always looking to improve himself and those around him. i am inspired by that.

and dad...youre in this book. our story is in this book. one day i will write your battle, your last lecture. though i feel that you are never done speaking, i want others to be blessed with even a small piece of you. i was fortunate enough to know you, and be at the receiving end of you for 24 years. i want the world to know your name. i love you.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

silly entertainment

glamour put together a list of ten things they would do if they were men for a day. while
i think a few are funny, it got me thinking...there are some funny things to do. read this list and
maybe think about what you would do if you were a guy for a day. chug a beer? scarf a pizza? burp? fart? such a cliche...i know guys do other things...scratch? haha, just kidding.

*braid our leg hair. (eww?)

*eat five pieces of bacon instead of six. lose a pound.

*pee in the snow. maybe first thing.

*have an orgasm in the amount of time it takes a woman to find
the vibrator in her underwear drawer.

*shirt. pants. shoes. done.

*take to our bed for the entire day expecting 24/7 nursing care for
the worst cold in the history of the world, and then spring up for
work bright and early the next morning.

*secretly watch oprah.

*secretly tear up while secretly watching oprah.

*lift 100 punds over our head. just because we can.

*earn a couple extra grand just for having the right kind of genitals.

so, like i said, a few were funny. some true. some kinda dumb. but, all entertaining.
and it does make you think...what would you do if you were a man for a day. or, if youre
a guy reading this, what would you do if you were a woman for a day? too scared to think
about it guys? - cant blame you, i would be too. haha.

hey, its OK! decide that if wearing uggs is wrong, you dont want to be right. really enjoy crying at the movies. as in, sobbing. shove it in the closet and consider your place cleaned. (haha...hmmm, me? nah...) pretend to text message to get out of talking with that hyper-chatty person standing
next to you. its called communi-faking, and we all do it. (haha, omg, YESS!) refuse to air kiss and just plant one on em. own driving gloves, riding boots and a motorcycle jacket, even if youre a
passenger-seat kind of girl. pray that your boss never tries to friend you on facebook. awkward! not do a card, dinner or gifts on valentines free.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

mark your calendar!

aunt martha just let me know that the san francisco marathon/half marathon is on july 26th this year. dads birthday!!!!!! perfect, or what?!

i called drew right away to tell him, and he loved the idea of us running the half marathon...and using the next few months to raise money for cjd.

sooo, that brings me to my title. if you are in the area and would like to either run with us, or be our cheerleaders, pleeeeease do!!! we will most definitely be making t-shirts (i loove any excuse to make them!!) this should be incredible.

ok, back to work. haha! xoxo

Monday, January 5, 2009

a timeout with hilary

ok, so just a few random things going in this lil ol' life o' mine.

*first of all, im OBSESSED with this new singer, lesley roy. her song unbeautiful is on the radio now. omg, i cant get enough. (haha you can ask my mom, ive been trying to sneak her on at work like every other song!!) haha. any awesome artists i should look into?? my mom and i are always looking for new ones to play at work.

*thievery corporation is another great one. check them out!

*aaron is coming on friday for one night. he is being honored at hempfield high school and has asked me to be ther with him. it means a lot to him he said. his parents will be there. ok so im totally in love (in hilary world). why cant he be? i get the whole 3000 mile thing is a bitch. but, for the past 10 months we have done a pretty impressive job at talking, visiting, and keeping in touch. we talk all the time, and try to see each other pretty much monthly. thats gotta mean something. dad, if youre reading this, i neeeeeeeeeed help!!!!!!! am i crazy?! does he like me!?!? he sucks at the little things, but thats a guy thing right!? :) haha...

*mark your calendars!! san francisco half marathon on july 26th (dads birthday!!!!!). drew, rachel and i want to run it...and are going to be raising money. spread the word!!

*im getting a little nervous for aaron. i know, im sorry, i really am boy crazy. some things just dont change. haha...

back later in the week for another installment :) love you all!

its funny how memories hit you sometimes...

so i was in the shower this morning shaving my legs and i just had to giggle cause i remembered when dad was sick and we had to help him out with all of that. i say i giggled because, though the underlying situation was not funny in the least, tweezing dads eyebrows, trimming his nose hair, washing his face, and shaving his face were. there was one time where i was shaving him and he was joking with me about how he probably shouldnt trust me with a razor, but ultimately he had to.

ever since i started shaving at the tender age of 12 or so, i have always found a way to cut myself. there was one time i was in the shower and i got cocky and thought id finally shaved without a problem! lo and behold i dropped the razor and sliced my toe! haha. i mean, what?!?!

so, anyway back to my story. dad and i used to get a kick out of teasing me about my problem. i always used to get such a kick out of making him laugh about it. you know the cutest part? he actually let me continue to do it despite my horrible history. he actually enjoyed it every time.

just one of those funny things that i remembered this morning. happens all the time. i will continue to share all those little things that keep coming back to me. what a guy he was....what a guy. (and no, i havent gotten any better at shaving...haha)

aZura on myspace!

we have created a myspace account for aZura clothing (lancaster). check it out!! over the next few weeks we will be sure to update information with cool pics, clothes and ideas. yay aZura is moving those legs!!!

Friday, January 2, 2009

go team kelley!!!

through facebook, to date, we have raised $1200! yay!!!!

one of my goals for 2009 is to raise more money for cjd. i know its not easy, and not simple. i read a quote the other day that said "nothing is easy. but who wants nothing" which really summed up my thoughts. how perfect! its so true. if things were easy, everyone would do them.

haha ok so this is a bit of a lame post. sorry guys. i know you dont read this to be riveted...haha, but im at work and randomly felt like saying something.

hope everyone is having a fabulous friday!!! love you all, happy weekend :)

Thursday, January 1, 2009

happppy new year!!!

happpy 2009! i hope everyone had a fun new years eve. mine was pretty low key this year. it was pretty ridiculously cold here, so my mom and i decided to go see a movie after work. we saw slumdog millionaire. one of the best movies i have seen in a long time. absolutely awesome! just be sure you stay in your seat after its over...there is a really fun/cool dance scene at the end that my mom and i stood for...little awkward. haha.

the movie ended around 9:30. i got home and hung out a bit while trying to think about what i was going to do. i was talking with a bunch of different people that were all being unenthused about wanting to go in the we all just spent the night talking to each other on the phone. actually pretty fun :)

my mom and i were discussing new years resolutions. i feel like there are always things i am trying to work on throughout the better, smarter, faster, etc. that i dont want to wait until december 31 to declare it a resolution for the next year. that is why i am choosing to continue to live my life, and work hard and be the best i can be. that said, there are definitely things i specifically want to do next year (but dont fall under "resolutions").

*in 2009 i would like to do more with CJD. i want to raise money for various races i run in, and continue to help raise awareness. i want to find out if i can get a john kelley bracelet made like the one i got for my birthday. the list goes on and on...but those are a few things on my mind. watch this space...i hope to have a few fun things happening in my life :)