Thursday, December 31, 2009

happy new years eve!!

doesnt it seem like yesterday it was new years eve right before we celebrated the new millenium and were panicked the world was ending with Y2K??

fast forward a decade (?!) and here we are. celebrating the end of 2009 and welcoming 2010. its amazing what can happen in 10 years...graduating high school, college, new jobs, new cities, losing my dad, changing my hair color, running half marathons, and soo soo much more. the years from 16 to 26 are so crazy. you go through so much in those, many times, awfully angsty, painful years. these are the years of unsureness, searching, angst, growth and development, and confusion. you are expected to learn and develop a sense of yourself, while hopefully finding a job, obtaining and sustaining relationships, paying bills (pain in the ass), and growing up in to a confident person. theres a lot of shit to juggle at this age. i do agree that your 20s are tough. i think life is tough...but i sometimes feel extra annoyed that i am not at an age where i can do what i want. i have always been a late bloomer and hope i come to find a passion one day. while i feel that, for me, working with my mom is when i am happiest, i cant have that right now...we live 3000 miles apart. that hurts my heart.

i have begun to write my second book. it feels good to sit down and type out my emotions at night. who knows how long i will keep at it or how it will develop. im going to take it a page at a time. see what comes.

i really cant wait for 2010. i wish everyone the happiest and healthiest year yet.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

12/30/2009

not going to lie...ive been a little bit low since returning to LA from my whirlwind christmas weekend. although i only saw my mom for a total of 44 hours (including sleep), it was the most special and amazing time. i hadnt seen her in 4 months, and hadnt been east in 6 months. what the fuck man?!

you know you gotten hit with a little homesickness when watching tv makes you tear up. i was just flipping channels but i got bummed thinking about my purpose in life and all that crap. i definitely shed a tear. id really like my momma to move out here. id really like to work with her again.

anyone doing anything crazy for new years?! i cant believe its tomorrow night!!

happy new year :)
heres to a fabulous 2010!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

holiday travel

los angeles ----philadelphia----harrisburg
YEA, BABY!!!!!!!!!!!

merry christmas everyone :)

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

a little piece of my heart

being that it is a special time of year, i wanted to take a minute and just thank you all for supporting me throughout my life. at the ripe old age of 26, i am on one hell of a leg of my journey. having just moved to los angeles, i am now 3800 miles away from the women that gave me life. but, in my heart, i am with her always. now, drew, on the other hand, is probably so happy to finally have some space between us! haha just kidding. my crew from home and i are tied for life. some how, some way, we all found each other and have remained "us" since. we got through high school, college, first jobs, new cities, shitty boyfriends, first loves, new jobs, cooler boyfriends, nights of tears, nights of laughs, nights of too-much-drunkiness that we peed in public, deaths, surgeries, bad hair experimentation, being broke, road trips, and soo SOO soo much more that i am just so fucking proud to have experienced. my girls, i love you. i cant wait to play in these next 50 years :)

im going to forgoe the traditional "new years resolution" this year cause, well, ive really never made them. dad was always pretty clear that if you want to make a change, start tomorrow. why wait?! however, in the spirit of the holiday, i want to propose that i will continue to raise awareness and money for CJD...i want to do at least another half marathon on top of the SF one set for this summer (drew and i are already doing it). that should allow some opportunity to raise some money. also, i want to continue to let those that i love just that. that i love you. with all the moving and changes i made these past 4 months, i havent written nearly as many letter as i normally do. i will work on that. i am getting settled, and love to write, so i will definitely amp up my mailings! watch those mailboxes!! :)

also, i am going to attempt to go with the flow with certain things. said boy, you are one of them. you arent all up in my space when i think you should be, you dont say or do things people think you should, etc?! neither do i. i get it. i need to lighten up. yes dad, i think i hear you. this will take some time. some work. but thats the point right...that i am going to try to work on it.

all in all, i think its safe to say we are all a work-in-progress. thats whats fun about life though, right?! we will all eat too much this holiday, and even after it, we will sleep too little, sometimes eat too little, we will laugh too much or too little, or at the wrong time, we will be selfish some days, maybe even months. we will spend too much money one month, only to save a lot the next month. we will forget to take the trash out, but remember friends and family birthdays. we will spend some sundays doing nothing but eating and laying on the couch, watching really bad tv. some sundays will be spent running 13.1 miles for charity. some nights will be spent alcohol-induced, some stark sober. some days our houses will sparkle cause we cleaned it top-to-bottom and sometimes it wont. sometimes the laundry will get done, and sometimes not. there is so much out there to experience, so much to see. the goal is to live your life how you want, and see what you want. spend your money how you want. laugh at the jokes you think are funny. cry when you are sad. be there when someone needs you and pay that forward.

most of all, be you. thats it. thats your new years resolution. you are so much more than good enough. and i am so lucky to have YOU in my life. so thank you. i will see you all in 2010!!!!!!!!

wtf?!

i have mentioned that at any given time, i have a zillion thoughts scrambling in this head of mine. i have concluded that everyone can feel all these different things all at once. maybe not all the time, but some times. they just don’t talk about it. i have a million different opinions in one day. i stare at dudes i wanna make-out with, and the minute they open their mouth, i wanna run. sometimes i make-out with them first and then run. i think about how i don’t want to be tied down and how much i love being single, but the minute it gets cold out, i want a boy who ‘gets’ me/knows me/loves me- to cuddle with. the point is: everyone can be a complete contradiction. we’re all just figuring it out. hopefully not hurting anyone’s feelings along the way.

and, then, sometimes, even for me, one skeaky dude weasels his way into my life and into my heart and snags a teeeeensy little piece of it. before i know it, i seem to actually like this guy. im sorry, what? i dont remember this being a part of the rules...

Monday, December 21, 2009

3 days!

tis the season to be jolly...fa la la la la la la la la!!
come on, sing it with me!

ok, ok, so, im a little excited. its SOO hard to focus at work, knowing that in 3 days im catching a flight home. i have ADD anyway...this just makes it that much worse! haha :)

mom and i are besties, and i heart her more than anything.
i need a mom hug and kiss and movie date and dinner and ice cream and presents and bestie time!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Thursday, December 17, 2009

i love you mom!!

i have been having a rather hard/exhausting/chaotic/ridiculous week (waa waa, yea i know dad!), but it was really starting to get me down. if you know anything about me, you know how hard i am on myself...i want to get it all done, do it well, feel great, be happy and enjoy my night. i have been having trouble relaxing. now, if there is another think you know about me its that i am moody. born that way. cant help it. we have the most hilarious home videos documenting this (quite literally, movie magic!).

that said, i called my mom on way home from work yesterday, as i always do. i told her how i was feeling, and how i blamed being born moody. her response?! "hilary, you were born perfect"
(whats that i hear? angels singing?!)

i mean, what?! is that not the most adorable/perfect/sincere/amazing response ever! i mean really. ok, now please bear with me. i am posting that solely for the purpose of emphasizing how amazing my mom is...not highlighting the fact that she thinks im perfect (but, hey, toot toot).

basically, one week from now i will be driving to LAX to board my red eye. i am super excited for it. i think the red eye is am amazing invention. hear me out...flying across the country leaves any traveler tired, annoyed, bleary-eyed and smelling bad. why waste an entire day of sunlight while youre at it?! i will arrive at 10am on christmas day with all those symptoms, minus the wasting of precious day light.

i love you mom. thanks for being my pillow to punch as i get through this week. and, well, life. kelley girls baby...one week :) xoxo

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

on the 10th day before christmas...

...my head was racing! i was working! it was tuesday!
it is december 15th already. so insane!
this is actually annoying, but already this morning i was thinking that in 2 weeks i will be back at work after my trip home. haha, i know, my brain is annoying. i told you! i just cant seem to shut it off!

in ten days mom and i will be BESTIES REUNITED. a weekend spent watching tv, movies, sleeping, or out shopping, checking out clooneys new movie (date night!!), or cooking. its going to be the greatest 3 days of my life. i cant believe it will have been 6 months since i have been home. thats sick. i cant wait to see and play with the kitties!!!!! i miss those guys :)

been thinking about dad a lot. i think i always will. but i really feel like im in a good place. granted that feeling comes and goes, and always will. good days and bad days are par for the course of life :) you can quote me on that.

so as i trek my way through it, i channel those i love, those i aspire to please and make proud, and those that make me laugh, cry and wobble. im a tough chick.

Friday, December 11, 2009

whats your style?

ok, so this time of year you hear it everywhere. you think about it all the time. you stress about it. you compare how you do it to others. you hope you think of all the best ideas, get all the perfect ones. every other magazine ad, tv ad and radio commercial is about it. what, exactly, am i talking about??

none other than christmas shopping!!!!!

are you one of those people, like my grandmother, who christmas shop a whole year ahead. no, i am not kidding. her presents are already being bought for christmas 2010. yea. i never understood it either. in fact, its a cute way we tease her, because quite frankly, i dont want a 2009 shirt in 2010. why cant we just get it now?! haha.

then there are my best friends and brother who are out on christmas eve just hoping to get a decent something-or-other. christmas 2 years ago was hilarious when drew and i went to park city on christmas eve to get presents. the fun part is that my family is SUPER low maintenance so it works. we arent fussy, and my dad was actually super happy with chocolate and his fave treats (albeit he was very ill at this point, but it reminded us just how special playing board games and getting simple treasures beats anything). its more about who you are with, than what you get. i really do mean that. aside from a few treasures i have my eye on, i really do love giving more than receiving.

i send out christmas cards every year. i love to write, and knowing that my loved ones get to open a christmas card from me makes me happy. i know how special i feel when i get mail so i like to constantly write letters to people. sometimes a really simple note or letter, no matter how short it is, can make someones day.

me? well, im spending christmas this year with my mom. just us. in lancaster. its going to be perfect. she and i might venture out to do a little shopping together on saturday, and we will buy each other stuff then. no fuss. no mess. no stress. just best friends doing what they do. just being with her this christmas is my present. truly. i really cant wait!! i cant wait to step off the plane and HUG HER IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mom..........only 13 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! well, technically, my red eye is in 13 days...i will get to hug her at 10am on friday, christmas day. best way to start out christmas, no?!

fa la la la la...

dreary days make me crave warmth. happy. pretty. so, since im at work and cant really do too much with all of that, heres a cute pic i came across. enjoy. and, hopefully, itll buy you one minute of un-boredom on this crazy long work day.


only 2 weeks until christmas!

wow!
i am counting down the days until i catch my red eye christmas eve night, and get to hug my mom as soon as i get off the plane!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

we are gearing up to just play all weekend!! i cant freakin wait.

its hard to believe that i havent been back east since i flew out to SF to run this summer.
it will have been 5 months when i get home. man oh man. time flies.

my mom is already warning me about how cold it is! its actually chilly here too, so im already quite acclimated. not quite the same, i know, but close enough. we dont have heat at work, so i kinda get it.

i am happy its friday. it has been a pretty long, tiring week. i think the added coldness, dreariness and uck that is rainy winter weather mixed with the sheer excitement of going home have all added to it. my mom and i get to have a 2-day slumber party! oh dear god, i just cant wait!!

so, this post is a little erratic, and wordy and spastic. yes. i know. but its friday, im on edge getting amped to see my mom and i just cant focus. ehh, it happens. woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

only 2 weeks until christmas!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

26 going on 18...

as i adjust to life here in California, and learn to really "get" that i live here, i am really starting to feel more and more like i am back in college. let’s go through the checklist, shall we?




im far away from home
i dont get nearly enough sleep

i have the most awesome guy friends and hang
with them all the time

my typical uniform is hoodies, thermals and roos (a la american apparel, urban, etc)

i search for any spare change under my car seats to pay for soda

i use my apartment complex washer and dryer, and get super excited when its
available when i need it to be

im broke 98% of the time (no, not really. i just wish i had money like my dad)

i take a lot of shots. sure, theres wine with dinner, but more often than not
we arent classy drinkers

there are so many more things too. just cracks me up. i love the little life i have created out here. special shout out to ben and craig. the two loves of my life. without you guys, well, lets just not even go there :)

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Joy to the World

HAPPY DECEMBER!

i know i know i already covered that.
but, you see, its my blog, and i can repeat myself as often as i see fit ;) hehe.

plus, this time of year just gets me. i blame the music, the lights, the candy canes, movies, the hot chocolate, the love in the air, my ungodly out-of-control boy craziness and all things cozy.

i mean its christmas time people! loosen up! love it! it will be gone again before you know it and you can take the other 11 months of the year to piss around. right now, im obsessed with all things happy. too many people out and about? yes...there are. but its fun. traffic really sucks?? yes...it does. for the guy ahead of you too. and the mom behind you. we all hate traffic and are annoyed. not just you :) pump up the tunes, hit the heater button and relax! and make some phone calls. or just groove and sing along. itll be ok i swear.

i have my scrooge moments too. not mad or mean ones, but those of sadness and longing for my dad :) i miss him dearly. daily. however, it never ceases to amaze me the absolute strength i get from talking to my dads sisters. i hope to get up north and see aunt martha soon. i will definitely do it as soon as i get a long weekend. i may even trek up there for the weekend of new years...hmmm. i kind of like that idea.

anyway, life is precious and special and amazing. its hard and challenging and sad. its funny, cold, simple, and long. its hilarious and warm, complicated and ironic. its all these things. life is all of them. sometimes all at once.

so there you have it. a little bit of my thoughts today. little preachy, little hokey, little random, all hilary. i have a crazy brain. i absolutely love this blog, and will come back tomorrow to share more of my december thoughts. in the meantime, stay warm, and turn up the christmas tunes. i swear...youll melt.

hey, its ok!

...to be irationally annoyed when no one compliments your brand new dress

...to order your favorite take out over and over. if it aint broke, why fix it?

...to be weirdly obsessed with miniature shampoos, fun-sized chocolate bars, mini mascaras, etc.

...to have a "to hell with it" moment and leave your car in an inner-city park overnight

...to be outraged when a friend "steals" your favorite baby name. you claimed that one when you were 12, dammit

...to tell your mobile phone company youre thinking of leaving, when you have no intention of doing so. gets results!

...if you "forgot" to reply to boring texts that simply ask, "how are you?"

...to have santa baby or all i want for christmas is you on your ipod. all those scrooges out there, two words: lighten up!

Monday, November 30, 2009

love actually

one of my favorite movies!!

i just got a text from him telling me its playing at the arc light tonight (fun, cool, amazing theater here) and he has an extra ticket and wants to invite me. YES PLEASE! omg, im so excited. now im like a 6-year old at work who cant focus.

i posted the movie cover, cause, well, im that excited. and it made my post cooler than just my words :)  haha.

if you havent seen it yet, rent it! and if you have, what did you think? im open to any opinions...if you hated it, thats cool!


24 days!!!

yes. thats right. im going to be that daughter that counts down until her mommy comes to visit her 3000 miles away to spend a few precious days over christmas. yep. i am . no apologies :) haha.

the kelley girls neeed to hang out. my god...its been since the end of august. can you believe it mom...it will have been 4 months!!!??! sooo wrong.

love you momma :)

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

56

...and as young and beautiful as ever.

HAPPPY
BIRTHDAY
MOM!!!!!!!!!!

11.25.09

Its so funny to be in LA this morning...this is the first year I am on my own for Thanksgiving and not meeting up with family. Granted, I will see them later in the weekend, but nothing formal or set. Its so funny how complicated life can get when you get older (or, quite frankly, are at the mercy of a job that you are only 3 months into). As much as I wish I could be home right now, hanging with my family and friends, being back east, and celebrating moms bday, a part of me is glad this holiday is really low-key this year. I think I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing.

I plan to take some time for myself throughout the weekend. Hell, I might even venture out on Friday and see the craziness that is black friday (I was working last year). I plan to cook in my apartment. Watch some movies. Help a friend (one of my bests) through through a really, really, really tough time.

I am thankful for my health and happiness. I am thankful for my friends and family. I am thankful for me.

I have been thinking about dad a lot this week. I have had some sad moments, some tears, some laughs. I am remembering the thanksgiving we spent together when I was living in philly...he was so great with me (adjusting to everything)...and it was right before he was diagnosed. He was the ultimate. Just my best friend. (as far as dads go). He really was...man, my life was great. Strong. Sorted.

Is it possible for me to ever feel that again? I dont know. But I will continue to live for him in hopes that I am the woman he would be proud to call his only daughter. God damn, I am lucky. And thankful.

Life is just one of those things that you really cant sum up. Well I cant. I like that...but it makes for some fuzzy times. Its going to be a great holiday season...I feel it in my bones!!!! (and know that dad is the one ringing the bell the loudest!)

Monday, November 23, 2009

giving thanks

its that time of year again.
i cant believe thanksgiving is in 3 days.
WOW!

throughout this week i will be posting what i am thankful for, who i am thankful for, and all that jazz.
ill pepper it with things i am looking forward to, whats on my mind and other hilisms that come about.

its a tough time of year knowing that a great cup of coffee with my dad is all i want.
going for a run in the frosty, east coast air is what i crave.
blasting christmas songs, lounging in slippers and watching movies with my family is the best.
helping mom cook the dinner, laughing with drew about life and being "us", and loving every minute
of time with my family. they are my best friends, and i am the luckiest daughter/sister :)

...but, lets be honest, theyre pretty lucky to have me too! right!? hello?! are you still there??! haha......

Thursday, November 12, 2009

happy 40th anniversary to sesame street!



these guys were a huge part of my childhood. we have classic home videos of me talking about bert and ernie. and i do mean classic. they are some of the funniest videos/comments...right drew and mom!!!!??? so, just wanted to give them a little blog love...keep on rockin' sesame street!!!

Happy International CJD Awareness Day

Hi Guys!! I wanted to point out the fact that today is interntional cjd awareness day. This cause is dear to my heart, and one in which I plan to dedicate my life to, helping when and where I can, no matter how small. I know you all feel the same way. I wanted to share an email i got from nikki (looooove her!!!) and post it here for you to read. It gave me the chills. I am so honored to be a part of this cjd family (obviously, none of us "want" to be, but we are), and I have met, talked with, and learned from so many great people. We are truly an amazing group of people, and I cant wait until we reach the day that cjd is no longer incurable. I know we are going to get there. for all those lives lost, and all of us who are left to figure out what the hell happened, this post is for you. for my family, friends, and fellow cjd followers, I love you. we are united forever. thank you for the strength you have given me. I am so truly honored to know you. Love, Hil

Today is International CJD Awareness Day. Over the past two years, I've learned many things about CJD but the most important is this - other than finding a curse, education is one of the most important areas that a CJD advocate can focus on. If is for this reason that I would like to share this letter, which was written by Roseann Bray. Roseann lost her husband Dave to CJD has become a dear friend. Roseann, like so many of us who have lost a loved one to CJD, is well aware of the horrors of this disease and has found solace in reaching out to other CJD survivors and educating the public about this rare disease. I hope that by reading this letter, you will be inspired to join our cause and pass it along. Thank you once again for all the support you have given my familiy since mom's illness and death.. If you are able to join us on Saturday, November 14 for Footwork for CJD we would love to have you. If you are unable, then please say a prayer for all those traveling to be with us in Fairmont and for all those currently battling CJD.




A Letter from a CJD Foundation Family


Member about International CJD Day






Dear Friends, Family, and all who have touched our lives,






Wednesday, November 12th, 2009 is International CJD Day. I am asking that you all take a few minutes this day to EDUCATE yourselves, your friends, your neighbors, your students and your colleagues on the advances and breakthroughs in CJD research. To our friends in the medical community, November 12th would be an exemplary day to call and schedule an appointment for a Grand Round meeting with the CJD Foundation. You would be able to learn first hand from experts in the field. And you, in turn, can take that knowledge and EDUCATE, diagnose, and spread the word about the advances of CJD research. It is you, our friends in the medical community that we depend on to help us EDUCATE the populace about the truths of this horrific disease. To our friends and family, you saw first hand how this disease kills. It not only destroys the physical body but it takes the soul. And it takes the souls of the family members as well. To EDUCATE our neighbors and community of the truths and the myths is a must. So please, help us spread the word. Let us make November 12th, International CJD Day, a day of unity in which we all join forces to EDUCATE the populace to the reality of this horrific disease and the hope for a cure in the near future. Share this letter with everyone you know and eventually CJD will come to the forefront; it will no longer hide in the dark and only come out when it is ready to kill.


I am thanking you in advance for your help.


Roseann Bray


on behalf of David C. Bray, Sr., 11/8/1947 - 10/12/2006


For additional information please contact: The Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease Foundation at 1-800-659-1991 or help@cjdfoundation.org




If you would like to hear about our story (David and Roseann) you may contact Roseann at 724-212-3771 or 412-961-2729 or bluiebray1@netzero







I use Goodsearch for the CJD Foundation and so can you - one penny from every search goes to the CJD Foundation - it all adds up! Find out more at www.goodsearch.com.




Please help us fight Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease - learn more at www.cjdfoundation.org.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

no title needed. just me blogging random hil-isms

mom and i are always joking back and forth regarding how/why/where certain cliches came from. "i gotta see a man about a horse" was always a popular one with my dad. hahaha, but what the hell does it mean??! it makes mom and i crack up every time!!

anyway, i get thinking about life, and dad and funny things that just pop in my head. happens quite often.
i live in los angeles. ha...still so funny to me. i dont know if anything in life, will ever again, feel real. i feel like i have done, seen, felt, heard and touched a lot of things in life. i have allowed myself (and quite frankly, forced myself) to really grow and mature in situations. i feel pretty great about turning 26. and why shouldnt i...its not like i can change it :) haha. as i grow up, i really feel like i am learning "me." one of the greatest things about getting older is learning to appreciate yourself, learn yourself, and learn what makes you happy. i love standing for things i like, learning not to compromise on certain things. i like it. i like me. no, no, not all the time, and everyone in my life will tell you how stupidly, ridiculously, unbelievably hard on myself i am. that will never stop. but i am learning how to grow into hilary armstrong kelley. a name and a person i truly like. love. (even if there are zillions of things i like to continue to improve, maintain and learn about). cause once you think you are everything you should be...thats it. the road is over. i never want to get there. there is always something more to learn, to do, to say.

thanks mom and dad, i learned all that from you.

hey, its OK!

...to dream of a white (sand and red bikini) Christmas

...to insist they use a coaster

...to want to speak frankly at the big holiday meal. "whats up with me? im PMSing and plotting to kill my boss, but at least im getting laid a lot!!"

...to think every jar of super-chunky peanut butter should come with a spoon

...to be that special kind of uptight that makes you pause the present-opening to smooth out and fold the wrapping paper for future reuse

...to still sleep best in your old twin bed at Mom's house

...to send a holiday card only from you: no babies, no pets, just you and the Taj Mahal, looking festive

in honor of the holiday season...

i bring you a fun and entertaining list of 6 times its great to be naughty, and 3 times you should be nice

6 times to be naughty:
*when it has sprinkles on top
*when youre babysitting your nephew and he asks for s'mores for dinner
*whenever you're within, oh, a football field's length of a sprig of magic mistletoe
*when the dress makes you look sexier than the bride (who wrote that dumb rule, anyway?)
* when the seating gods put you next to the hottest guy on the plane
*the day before you make your resolutions

3 times to be nice:
*the morning after he was naughty in exactly the way you asked him to be
*when the gift isnt perfect, but the giver is damn close
*when you've already tried being naughty and it didnt work

Thursday, November 5, 2009

mindless reading entertainment

heres your daily dose of i-tore-this-out-of-a-magazine-and-wanted-to-share-it!!

hey, its OK...
...if yesterday's workout involved you on top of him - and not the treadmill
...if you find it amusing that the man on the bus cant stop watching you eat that banana
...to not re-heel your shoes until they sound like tap shoes
...to quickly minimize your eamil when your nosiest colleague comes over
...to have a degree but no cluse how to change a plug
...to flinch like a scalded cat when you pick up a dress with a $1000 price tag. but then make like you can totally afford it
...to not get why everyone thinks taylor momson is a style crush. she looks like courtney love
...to boast about getting asked for ID
...to have double standards about big bums. women are allowed them, men are not

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

TEAM USA!!

did you all watch the NYC marathon?! I AM SO EXCITED!! i think the winner was adorbs (ive read a lot about him in runners world), and was so proud to watch him finish...he was so proud to be wearing USA colors!! i got the chills. Finally, after 27 years, an american has once again claimed victory on our home turf!!

dad was totally watching that! one of these years, dad, drew and i will run one...in your honor!

hurry up tuesday!

today feels like a major time warp. it was 9:15, then 9:16 and it just wouldnt pass by quickly. the 11 o'clock hour was painful, then a quick lunch and now a very slow afternoon. why are some days like that?!

here i sit, at 2:45 and i just cant help but wish it was 4:45. jesus. 2 hours. brutal. on top of that, my tv lost its signal last night so i cant watch it. cable guy said "it looks fine on my end", to which i replied, "well, its not working so can you please help me". no he cant. and he cant send a guy until at least the weekend. ohh, well fabulous.

so, pray for a miracle guys. pray that when i go home, it will have miraculously figured itself out. id really like that.

Monday, November 2, 2009

i couldnt make this shit up

im the girl in my group that all my friends say "that shit would only happen to you, hil"
its pretty crazy. and every time i tell friends stories, it really is hilarious some of the things that happen to me.

that brings me to the latest incident. it was friday night and i wanted to go grab a magazine to read. i was relaxing after work, waiting for buds to shower, and just had two streets to walk to grab an awesomely bad gossip mag.

here i am...in sweats, uggs, and a fleece. its pitch black (only like 7 o'clock) and im just walking all innocently. i go to cross the street (which is a very neighborhoody street...not busy at all...its home to farmers markets, a cvs, cafes, etc.) a very beachy street. all of a sudden sirens blare, lights flash and a cop rolls down his window to yell at me to "walk to the curb young lady". WTF?!?!? he steps out and asks for my ID. (good thing i was buying something, so i was carrying it, but who the hell walks with it normally...douchebag).

yep. i got a ticket. a fucking jaywalking ticket. are you fucking serious? they actually give those out?!? there wasnt a drug bust or a rape going on somewhere that you could actually help with? no? and was all the siren and yelling and lights necessary. pretty sure he just needs to get laid.

ill let you all know how much it costs...cause im pretty sure this is ridiculous. only i would get one of those. and, although i totally broke down on the phone right after with my mom (i was already fighting thoughts about dad, and this just put me over), she thought it was hysterical. how is that for perspective!! my mom totally made light of it...we laughed for a while, and i felt so much better. and when i told my friends the story they thought it was a riot!

but i mean, really?! ohh, and i totally didnt care about the magazine after that. i had my own drama gossip in real time! hahaha :)

cant believe im going to be 26...

well, actually 25 (again). see, craig and i are hosting our birthdays together (we do have the same birthday, afterall) and decided it was perfect. he is the best guy ever, and im so excited. i have loved every minute of living so close to him. um, am i developing a crush?! :) ooooo

anyway, today we officially sent out the email invites!! its pretty much just all day drinking with tons of our friends and hanging out at the grove (outdoor mall, farmers market, bars, etc). yea...sounds pretty great.

i cant tell you guys how much i adore the friends i have made out here.

anyway, i will keep you guys posted on pics and stories from the big day!...until then i have a story that i will share on the next post.

nifty

hey all!
please see below:


Use Goodsearch for the CJD Foundation - one penny from every search goes to the CJD Foundation - it all adds up! Find out more at www.goodsearch.com. Just type in our cause and search the web the way you normally would.

This is HUGE! I am so excited. Its so simple!

Sunday, November 1, 2009

a few more halloween pics


its november!

wow! cant believe its november already!
this is going to be a quick post, but i hope everyone had a fun halloween!

i had a blast. pre-partied at deweys house and went to the west hollywood parade.
it was such an amazing night. i saw, did, tasted, smelled, etc more craziness than i could imagine.
welcome to los angeles! haha :)


anyway, here are a few random pics of craig, ben and i goofing around their apt in our costumes.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

dad? is that you?

as many of you know, i spent the weekend fending off the flu. i did nothing but lay around all day, and cook myself cozy little meals. (which by the way, were delicious). i proved how much i can cook!

as a side effect to being so sick, i tried to sleep as much as i could. throughout the nights, i kept getting wiffs of "that smell". for those of you who have been with me throughout this blog, you know what smell i am referring to. its the smell of dad in the hospice room. its the smell that lingered days after he was gone. its the smell that i will carry with me for the rest of my life, the one that reminds me so vividly what we went through, and what i never want to experience again.

its actually pretty weird. this smell is something that is so vivid, so pungent, so unique to this time in my life. i pretty much think that either dad was with me throughout the nights, or so was death. i guess both, considering its dads smell, and it stemmed from his body at a time when shit was being ravaged and our lives were ransacked. i hope i dont die...i hope its not that. i hope it was dad. i hope he was there, aiding me through my time of need. he knew mom couldnt physically be there, so he was  :)

things have felt pretty heavy, i will be honest. i think im getting over my cold, but some depression and sadness has made itself a nice little home. mom and i have had some crazy, therapeutic calls filled with tears, sobs, laughter, confusion and love. mom and i dont sensor each other, we dont sugar coat. we are each others rock, but also puddle. you wanna swear, cry, laugh at anything?! you call me, and lets yell it out! thats what we do.

but were sad. life without dad its pretty fucking un-kelley-like. i miss his advice, his emails, and god dammit, i miss calling him at work and laughing with his secretary that hes busy and cant get the phone. i miss him hugging and kissing me, and letting me know that life will be ok. now, how are we supposed to know?! who is going to be the big poppa for us?! this isnt fair...and not only that, it doesnt make sense. it doesnt FUCKING make sense.

life is definitely interesting. sometimes great, sometimes not. my dad should be a part of it. i had a lot of time to think about things while i was laying around. i thought a lot about dad, and i kept reliving all these amazingly funny memories of our lives. i remember his face, his voice, and loving him so much. i see a lot of me in him, i want to live up to that. i want to be like him. those are some big shoes, i know. but im his daughter...so, if i aim for the stars, at least ill fly knowing that i am a kelley.

i know dad was with me. i smelled him. and mom, you know, that smell is not something you can imagine. it as real. 2 days. i think thats the reason we are all so emotional too. his spirit is around...letting us know he is ok.

we love you dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
come visit anytime, all the time! i am happy to smell you! :)

Thursday, October 22, 2009

being a kid was the best

a bunch of us were reminiscing about our childhoods today. we agreed that we grew up with some pretty incredible tv shows, dolls, toys, parents and sports. we had some of the best cartoons and movies. it was so fun (and funny) remembering all of our favorites.

not to mention all the fun things you get to do without really thinking about it. all those soccer tournaments we played in...i definitely wasnt thinking about how hard it would be for my parents to give up their weekend. or driving me to school. going to amusements parks. cooking dinner every night. my god parents are amazing, arent they?! thats not to say that being a kid is easy as pie, but if you had parents like mine, it was pretty phenomenal. and my friends: we were, and still are, a stellar bunch :)

more thoughts to come tomorrow, but id like to think the best is still yet to come. i like to be in the moment...sure, being a kid was fun. but  being an adult has its perks too :) hope there are tons more life lessons and good things to come!!

lets publish this baby!

i have some fun news!
i am not one to usually talk about things like this for fear that i come off too into myself.
however, this one is pretty exciting.

i entered my book into a lotus bookworks contest, and it got chosen to move on to the next round!! if you know anything about me, you  know how precious this book is to me. its a huge passion of mine to get this baby published...i have a freakin dad to honor here!!

just wanted to share. i know it doesnt mean it won or anything remotely close, but its fun to think other people will get to look at it/read it/maybe want to publish it :)

keep those fingers crossed!!! (please). and maybe, for good measure, toes too!!

Monday, October 19, 2009

my 200th post!

can you believe it!!! bloggie is 200 posts old!! wow! i have LOVED every minute of blogging. my rants arent always happy-go-lucky but the underlying therapy and bigger picture are. what this blog has given me is an outlet to put my thoughts on "paper". the added bonus is that i am able to share my life with friends and family, despite being so far away from some of you.

so, here it is...monday again. i didnt sleep a wink last night. i wanted to fall asleep so bad. i think there was so much going on in my head...sometimes i just cant turn it off. i blame aaron. haha. in this case its a good kind of blame. he got me so excited about hanging out that i think i was riled up. doesnt take much :) haha!!

got a bit of ADD here, so this post is to be continued :)...

Sunday, October 18, 2009

whats up dad!

as many of you know, i often talk to my dad. its usually at night, when i am alone, or before bed. that, or with mom and drew, and we are chatting to him/about him. it had been a pretty hectic week last week, and i found myself talking to him on my way home one night. i was caught in yet another LA freeway traffic jam.

and you know what. i teared up talking to him. as i talked to him, i felt like he was with me. i got all sappy and teary. i find that i am struggling with the dichotomy of loving life, and feeling like "what the fuck is the point"

here is a fucking class act, a thundering example of stellar athlete, father, son, brother, husband and friend. he was gorgeous, ambitious and ungodly amazing. he was a mentor. he was strong. he was all these things and so much more, yet he is gone. what chance does that give the rest of us.

so, i will forever struggle with this. and i will continue to talk to my dad. i will continue to live with his spirit around me at all times. i will do my best. but i will be vulnerable. and confused. and i cant promise that i will ever understand it.

haha, i can just imagine him up there thinking "ohh man, hil, im trying to watch the game"!
haha, just kidding. he was the best. what the hell happened?!??! im in a dream. sundays are for sure the worst...the worlds lazy day. its definitely a tough one to get through.

on that note, i am going to go watch some tv and chill before another week. dad, we'll talk soon :) (haha, about an hour?!) 

Friday, October 16, 2009

one of lifes simple pleasures

one of the coolest things i notice in life is seeing an older gentlemen and women holding hands. or laughing together. out to a movie, at the mall, or just drinking coffee. can you imagine the life they have lived together? they were lucky enough to find each other, and even luckier to want to work hard to make it last.

i have fallen more in love with this since the loss of my father. i am intrigued by older men, and often picture my dad at that age. i project my parents onto older couples in my head...it brings me happiness and i love to think how they would be.

that, and i wonder, too, if that will ever be me. but i digress. me and boys...hehe.

i think being married is somewhat of a dying art form, but i dont think its gone. i think we sometimes get lazy. love is pretty cool (from what little i know of it). i know how hard relationships are...complicate that with kids and life and man, its a wonder any of them last. but my family has provided me with the best examples. all of my family. BUT, i sometimes wonder if i am going to be like my grandfather. hes pretty happy, and we have pretty similar styles...in that we dont need/want to get attached to things too much. were pretty independent and act like "love 'em and leave 'em types). i have exceptions to this rule, but i dont know...it does seem i have followed in his path thus far. HAHA...mom, i can just see your face right now :) 

Thursday, October 15, 2009

yea...thats about right


running a marathon is definitely on my life to-do list. but i have to admit, it conjures up the exact same thoughts as the chicken. i mean 26.2 miles really is crazy. but good crazy. i-want-to-do-it crazy. as soon as life calms down a bit (yea i know itll never happen), drew and i are planning to run one. i cant think of a better running partner...can you drew?! haha...

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

this is absolutely what i believe

i was reading this magazine the other night, and read this quote from jessica capshaw. granted, its not so much who it came from, but the quote itself. she shared a quote from her mom that always kept things in perspective for her: "a person builds a life and then goes off and does a job. hopefully you enjoy that job - but it cant become your life, which is about family, friends and things that are permanent"

yep, thats pretty much how i think. its my motto as well. just cool to know others feel the same way.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

lemon, lime and all that jazz

yea, that title means nothing. im feeling super random, bored, giddy...and that title just felt like it summed it up. we are having another gross day here. (not that i can see it, we dont have a window in our office)...but my ride here was rainy and cold. welcome to california!

it actually makes me think of home. ive been thinking about a lot of things recently. i constantly think about dad, and how similar he and i are/were. though an extremely friendly guy, he was pretty independent. he enjoyed his space. thats me. he liked certain foods, liked to run, liked to do things his way. he was easy to get along with, and definitely more than happy to lend a hand, but like me, liked his life his way...and doing it his way. thats me.

i love to have a good time, i love to travel, i love to go to new places and try new things, but i also really love to be type-A. i love lists. in fact, i make them for everything. i love to schedule. i love to plan. im a weird dichotomy. i get it :) its definitely not lost on me.

i refuse to make apologies for bullshit. i wont put up with it (to an extent). i live for my family and friends (and me!). if you dont like me, piss off. if you dont like my friends, piss off. i dont live to make sure everyone likes me (it would be great, of course...but unfortunately, its never going to happen). my dad taught me so many great life lessons that i continue to live by. that is one. i wont treat you like a bitch and gossip about you to make myself feel better. you may do it to me, but i wont to you. my damn conscience wont let me. i will bust my ass for you...if it turns out that you burn me, or something of the sort, youre on your own.

granted, i could go on and on about all that. basically, i realize this. i have truly incredible people in my life. people that would die for me. people i would die for. people that make me laugh and cry and feel good, and special. people that make me want to be a better person (but come on, this cant get better! haha just kidding). i dont have room for anything less. thats basically it. life is too short to be surrounded by energy-suckers.

team kelley, baby :)
(ps, drew, i totally see you rolling your eyes!) haha......

Monday, October 12, 2009

new york state of mind

...and shes off! momma kelley is heading to nyc tomorrow :) i cant think of anyhere id rather be than on that train, heading to see, not only the city, but ali! and stern! and katie! and so many others! guys, im there in spirit!! :)

this is such a pretty time of year back home. all the colors and crispness. the warmth of the heat inside. fires. throwing on a nice, thick fleece and sitting inside on the couch. i really love it. (to a point...its that damn -30 degrees and soon-to-be-winter freezingness i hate).

its chilly here in cali right now, so i feel a little bit like im experiencing "fall". im not getting the full effect of the leaves changing colors, or the way i would feel with my mom near me. but i wont waste time on the blog being a baby about it.

on a side note, congrats to drew for living his first week in north carolina. fingers crossed they get the house they want...more updates to come!!

happy monday everybody!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

a new twist on boxed wine

if you are like me, when you think of boxed wine, you think of your college years. it reminds me of the years i spent in tucson, slumming it with boxed wine and mickeys 40s. they were fabulous times. truly fabulous. and i have more than enough memories of good friends and i waking up to boxes and bottles all over our apartment :) we thought we were cool. and we were, of course ;)
we just drank ona  budget. "2 buck chuck" was a best friend too.


now, at age 25, i am no better at classy drinking. sure, ive gone to swanky bars in new york, LA, lancaster and philly, and drank $20/glass wine with dinner or during nights out. ive even been schooled by my uber-classy grandfather on the art of really drinking red wine. really appreciating it. but, more often than not, we buy whatever wine is on special, or at least under $12. we snag the cheaper wines, the cheaper beers, and get whatever is on tap at the bar. 

i think its cool to have experienced all sorts of types of drinking. i like good wine, i like good vodka. but, sometimes, i just like a good time :) haha.

all this brings me to my discovery. target sells boxed wine...quality boxed wine. you read that correctly. this is no oxymoron. the boxed wines you will find at target include pinot grigio, merlot, sauvignon blanc, just to name a few. and the boxes are beautiful. i know i know, that doesnt matter...its whats inside that counts. whatever...thats a lie. 


so, get yourself to target, and experience the classed up boxed wine that i so excitedly discovered today. so much so that i had to share a picture! haha. lets toast to it!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

becoming my dad

here i am, at work on a saturday morning. what happened here. haha just kidding.

i think hed be proud. or, at the very least, sympathetic of the fact that spending saturday morning at work may not be exactly what i want to be doing. 

anyway, have a great weekend everybody! :)

Friday, October 9, 2009

welcome to foodbuzz!

i created a profile on foodbuzz (mom and i are creating a cookbook afterall), and am trying to grow my blog!

i want to grow this blog baby of mine, and incorporate new things. i think product reviews, fun recipe ideas, other random thoughts i have, events, movies, and all things "life" will be addressed! thanks ahead of time for keeping  up with me :)

check me out: http://www.foodbuzz.com/foodies/profile/hilarmy

cute overload

in a bid to make my blog adorbs, i came across this site: http://cuteoverload.com/


it immediately stopped me in my tracks. i mean, how cuuuuuuute is this site!
its name is perfect ;) haha.



so, bear with my while i try and figure out how/what/when im updating my blog.
i have so many ideas, its hard for me to rein in the ADD and focus :)


happy friday all, happy friday!!

10 little lies women tell each other

  • sure, you should totally get a third cat!
  • im glad he went for you. im not that into italian soccer players
  • honey, thats just water weight - itll come right off as soon as you have the baby
  • this was really fun. i love a good closet clean-out
  • of course you and your boyfriend can stay with me for a week. ill just sleep on the couch - its no problem
  • nah, i dont really want dessert either
  • bethenny who? i dont even watch that show
  • no, no, yours is much mpre tasteful than the typical tramp stamp
  • i know hes bad for me, and i promise i am so over him
  • you went with plaid walls! nice!

isnt this just the perfect little blog post to make you smile, laugh and destress on a friday? yes? then i have done my job :) tgif, baby!!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

IMPORTANT

The "footwork for CJD" memorial walk is super exciting. While I wont be able to make it this year, as already explained, I want you all to have the most up-to-date information since I think this is an amazing event, and one that I feel so fueled to want to grow!! Please follow Nikki at her blog: http://cjdhope.blogspot.com

Despite not being able to attend the event, I am still going to do my best to raise money.
So, if you, or anyone you know, would like to help donate your time or money, please let me know. You can donate directly to the CJD foundation, at http://www.cjdfoundation.org, or directly through Nikki (send her an email and let her know you got her email address from my blog curecjd@gmail.com)
...that way she doesnt think shes getting weird spam :)

You can also send any donations through facebook: John Kelley has a page, as well as this event.

Thank you, in advance, for all your support and faith in this. I am so proud to be a part of this cause. Hopefully this will only get bigger, better and more successful!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Footwork for CJD 2009

its that time again!!
i got the email letting me know about this years event.

even though i wont be able to attend this year, as its in west virginia, i am obsessed with all things CJD and wanted to let you know about this. i have requested that this event become national so that i can help run/start/whatever a branch here in california. i will keep you posted on that! :)

for those of you on facebook, join the event "footwork for cjd 2009" to show your support, and friend nikki bland (morgantown, wv network).

im going to try to raise some money for this, so if we all band together, i think wed do great!
what do ya say?? LETS DO IT!!!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

22 thoughts we have every single working day

6:30 am: go to the gym? id rather die. hit snooze.

7:30 am: i really should have gone to the gym. tomorrow i will go.

8:15 am: uh-oh, did i wear this outfit two days ago?

8:16 am: oh no! ive run out of febreeze.

8:25 am: right, so your bag needs to sit down more than me? note my death stare.

8:31 am: damn, hes caught me looking again.

8:45 am: i just want a latte. stop confusing me with the choices of sizes, flavored shots, and variations of foam...

8:55 am: oh no, its the old "trapped in the lift with the boss" trauma. proceed to boring chat about the weather.

8:57 am: must master the art of small talk. career depends on it.

9:03 am: morning papers. same thing every day, wait - red wine is definitely good for you! result!

10:30 am: i want lunch now.

11:15 am: shit, shit, shit, totally forgot the boss wanted that report by 12. ill tell her its totally ready.

11:45 am: i suppose i better get off facebook and write the damn report.

1:00 pm: seriously, is there anything better in life than a grilled cheese?

4:40 pm: gah. afternoon slump. injection of chocolate urgently needed.

5:45 pm: thank heavens for make-up. and oil sheets. otherwise id be a mess.

7:30 pm: a starter, pasta, garlic bread and an enormous dessert. ah well, ill go to the gym tomorrow. definitely.

9:00 pm: i will leave the bar now.

10:30 pm: cant they invent a gadget that wipes your make-up off for you while you sleep? and brushes your teeth, perhaps?

11:oo pm: wish tomorrow was saturday.



yep, this is all about right ;)

how normal are your morals?

i was perusing this months UK cosmo...and came across this little snippet. i thought it was pretty funny, and am more than happy to share it with you all :) have fun seeing where you fit.

8 'weird' things that are very, very normal:

1. supermarket grazing. those who eat items in the aisles without declaring them at the checkout (i am guilty of this...right mom and dad?!)

2. selling our souls. almost half of us would sell a celeb kiss-n-tell story to the tabloids. (ABSOLUTELY!)

3. suffering from price amnesia. one in four women dont tell their partner the true cost of new shoes. meanwhile, one in five go the extra mile and rip up the receipt or credit card statement.

4. fibbing to preserve our integrity. 45% of women reduce the real number of notches on their bedpost for fear of being labelled promiscuous. a shameful 29% of men up their figure to impress friends.

5. recycling gifts. a whopping 78% of women have no qualms about passing off a second-hand gift as a new one. (not weird. sometimes i think my friends would love something i wont. its smart!)

6. saying "i do" - but for richer, not poorer. an honest 38% of singletons would marry a man based simply on his bank account. (this is funny to joke about, not really do. come on girls!)

7. checking his inbox. 28% of women would read their partners emails.

8. wondering if it really was his boss who just called. an incredible 66% of us sneak a peek at his mobiel when hes out of the room.


there are so many other things that we could have fun talking about here too. so many things!
but its fun to see where you stand. sometimes in life you gotta be immoral :) haha....

Monday, October 5, 2009

hey its ok...

...to be secretly relieved when its not sunny, because you can justify staying in bed.
all.day.long

...to only know which bars you frequented last saturday night after they appear on your bank statement

...if your five-year-old cookery book has never been opened

...to have more make-up in your desk drawer than on your dressing table

...if you dont want to go on that blind date. sofa + twilight + giant bag of kettle chips = so much easier

...to make him carry your bags even though they arent that heavy

...if you turn out the lights and keep schtum when you hear, "trick or treat!" at the front door

...to not want to lend your flaky friend your favorite top.
just.say.no

...if you have an irrational fear of being crushed by the ticket barriers at the train station

...to re-apply your lipgloss when someone pulls out a camera, but still act 'candid'

Thursday, October 1, 2009

happy october!

woke up this morning and realized its october 1st. wow. what the hell happened to summer?
y'all are going to think im nuts for saying this, but hear with me. ive dealt with ridiculous heat since i have been here (mom will attest), and its FINALLY cooling a bit at night. its not cold. duh. not even remotely considered fall (to anyone that has ever lived through a real fall day), but i can finally sit in my apartment and not feel like im going to pass the fuck out. there are even times during the night that i pull the covers on. yea! i know! its exciting!

im still not totally used to the fact that i call LA home. its so weird when i write check or letters and write my return address. im like, what?! feels ok though...knowing a lot of people i look up to and love have lived in LA and have been very successful. yea...thats the path i want to be on. or am on. i dont know yet.

what sometimes helps me get back into a feel good head space is listening to a song that brings me back to a certain memory, or just one that i really like. pictures are always fun to look through (even when they can be very, very sad). blogging. that always clears up some head space. zoning out to TV. even bad TV. daydreaming of my future business plan with mom :)

im pretty good at keeping my head above water. not to say that im not super sad at times. i am. but sometimes i dont have the luxury to cry or hurt. and i figure my energy is better put toward remembering dad and his life, mom and our hourly hilarity, and so much more. theres so much to be happy about...and i want to spend more time on that. there is always going to be a part of me that is pissed off about losing something more precious than my own life. im always going to be pissed that we were robbed. and dammit, im going to be pissed that i cant hug, kiss, laugh with, shop for, email to, call, text, and run with the most amazing man i ever knew. we will be reunited one day. and until then, mom, you and i need to do IT! it. business. life. all of it.

team kelley. i am more proud of my name than anything else. and thats something noone can ever take away.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

i thought

i thought moving to LA was going to clear my head a little. i thought it was going to help me to understand why certain things happen sometimes, and that my life will work out. i thought i was going to find a great apartment, find a job, and hopefully hang with some good friends. i thought a change of pace, scenery, state, and routine was going to make me feel like i was bettering myself.

did i think wrong?

i find that i am missing all the things that make me happy. i miss my mom. i miss gamma. i miss going for walks, going to movies, and girl-chat drives to king of prussia talking about our lives. i miss laughing with besties, and watching the leaves change. i hate being cold, but the east coast is home to me, and i think i need to go back.

dont get me wrong...i have some great friends out here, have been doing some really fun things, and had a blast showing mom around (which, annoyingly cant happen nearly as often as i want. which would be, say, every day). ha, yea. its true. ive had a ball going out to clubs, dancing to super trashy music, and meeting some great people. and kissing a few (right mom!!!??).

but the things that make me super happy, and that im living the life i want with the people i love? yea, im not finding it so much. for me, a job is a job. my passions involve writing, modeling a bit (hehe), raising awareness and money for CJD, and blogging. i feel so strong about these things, and i want to do them. i want to make money being happy. i dont enojy sitting at a desk all day everyday feeling like im not doing anything. the bigger picture is pretty much that life is short, and if youre not doing something that you ultimately care about, why are you doing it.

granted, i have bills to pay. so until i figure out how to make money through the above avenues, im sadly stuck. why cant drew move out here?! haha....dmk, its not too late?? mom, you gotta come here too. ultimately, its not cali that matters. its WHO. i love so many people out here...im just in a funk. ive been thinking about dad a lot lately, and what life means. ive been thinking of fun names for blog titles, articles, book titles and who knows what else.

lo and behold:
blog and jog
cjd took jmk. wtf.
single in the city
pa to la: and back again?

haha, ok just some titles im throwing around.

basically, mom, id like to work for you. with you. for you and cathy. for US. i think we have some brilliant ideas, and i am eager to work to make them a reality. really. its with you that i am most happy and most me. thats the key to life, no?? so, mommy, i neeeeeeeeeeeeed you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

as you all know, i think a lot of things. my brain is ADD all the time, and it runs wild all over the place. its why im better off doing a lot of things, as opposed to one thing...especially when it doesnt include any of the things i truly love. or those i love. mom, thats you. haha.

thats all my thoughts for now. my head hurts ;)
love you all: xoxo

Friday, September 25, 2009

edited to add

teaspoon
cherry on top
icing on the cake
tablespoon
mixing bowl
sugar and spice
pumpkin spice


just a few more thoughts.
ok, on to the next idea. next big thing.

thank god its friday. literally :)

patty cake
bite me
butter
sugar & salt
vanilla
cake batter
baby cakes
batter
sweet bite

ok...im clearly bored and work...and daydreaming of names for this cupcake place my mom and cathy are going to run. anyway, there are some. now onto halloween costume ideas. i have a couple of ideas im throwing around. ill keep y'all posted. lunch time!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

its 2:17pm...what are you thinking about?

if you are at work, its most likely why isnt it 5 yet? or better yet, 5 o'clock on friday not thursday. its kinda depressing that some days i take it hour by hour, counting down until i go home. just today, a coworker was counting down the day starting at 10am...first looking forward to a lunch break, now eagerly awaiting freedom. why do we do this?! ohh yea, bills. they need to be paid. dammit.

we spend so much time at work...god damn. sometimes it really is a drag.
ok, so now its 2:30. im pretty ready to go home. im sorta looking forward to getting some groceries tonight...watching a little CSI:miami, and making some dinner. im excited to clean up my apartment a little bit and check some emails. hopefully talk to drew and hear about his day.
you know the kicker?? once i get home, time will fly until its morning again and i repeat my day.

but im doing it. working hard...making money. (ha, well thats up for debate). im making a name for myself. (look, this is my pep talk...stop rolling your eyes. stop laughing). i can tell myself what i want to hear :)

so, i cant talk about work anymore. its bad enough im at work. making it more painfully obvious how much longer my day is is just depressing. bye bye :)

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

hi dad :)

there are some nights when i get into a zen mood. i put on some fun tunes, think about life, and feel like blogging. these are the moments i contemplate those i love, those i wish to love, things i could do without, and thoughts of the future. these are also the moments i think about you, dad.

you see, i miss my dad. i miss so many things about him. his smile, his advice, his opinions. his drive, dedication, wit, work ethic, and motivation. his emails, phone calls, frustrations, loves, distastes, and his face. his ability to make me feel successful. his strength.

i have a lot of qualities from my dad, and for that i am very grateful. now if i could just find a guy like him (right mom!?). hes watching over me...this much i know.

i think he is my north star. and for all my fears (rational or not), i truly feel safe when i think about him. i wish he was here. i dont understand. i want to raise money to cure CJD. i want him back. mom and i are strong as steel, but he should be here. i wonder what they have him doing up there?? :)

soo, hi dad! hi god! hi everybody that is friends with my dad!! i hope you guys are having a ball...and enjoying all the ridiculous things i do. or dont do. or say. or...well, i think you get it.

...and hey, mom: i love you. i mean, i really really love you. thank you for being you. thank you for being my bestie. thank you for being on the other end of the phone call....every time. thank you for my other half of genes. the kelley girls :) mmm, such a nice ring to it, no?! i love you!!

flicky!!!

ali flick i love you.

i think time stops when we chat. i really do. i mean, its nothing to kill a few hours chatting...and yet its never enough time :) i am so lucky to have someone like that. thank god we love to listen to each other talk, bitch, laugh, cry, be silly or annoying, stupid, sad, funny, smart, loving, or really nothing at all. you see, ali, you make me feel important. and quite frankly, myself. i feel so refreshed after i talk to you. i feel so much closer than i actually am to you. i feel like we are bicoastal besties and that the only reason we cant hang out as much as we want is cause life is stupidly expensive, and i dont quite make 6 figures. close, but not yet :) hehe...



just talking to you makes me excited for the future...and us living near each other. each with our boyfriends or hubbies (hello ryan and aaron...err, whoever, HAHAHAHA!!!) in one of our many houses. thats right, while we will have a house on the east, we wil definitely need a west coast house. or at least one in a warm weather area. im ok with florida :)



ill keep you posted on the crush :) and all the details in between, as you well know.



i love you so much :)

love, B



ps...we really gotta look into getting royalties from gossip girl. we started B (and F) wayyy before they did :)

and you thought your monday morning was tough...

i flipped on the news this AM (thats right dad, your daughter watches the news...and on her own free will, no less!!!!) only to hear about a 30-year old man assaulting an 83 year old woman in her home last night. he broke in, and assaulted her. wtf?!?!

ok, there are way too many issues here to even begin thinking about how to dissect this. first, are you really that bored? or angry? PMSing, perhaps? lonely? a stupid fucktard??

yea, im going with the last one. what kind of person assaults, well anyone really, but an 83 year old woman? dear god.

how does someones interworkings get so messed up.

thats all the time, energy and space this story gets, as my blog is not dedicated to all things wrong with the world. it is, however, a great place to vent frustrations regarding stupid things i hear. kinda fun. and this one was just nuts?!!!

Monday, September 21, 2009

hey, its ok!

...to be totally judge-y about plastic surgery, but then whiten your teeth obsessively

...to order only the stuff on the menu that you can pronounce

...to be secretly terrified of getting sucked down the airplane toilet

...to write down the key points you want to cover before making an important guy phone call

...to ask for a surprise party

...to believe that foods eaten while nursing a pal through a breakup are "sympathy" calories and dont count

...to consider Skee-Ball your best part

...to buy the jumbo-sized box of condoms. you have a goal. the goal is the expiration date. GO!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

happy birthday foxes!

haha, that can totally be taken two ways. (they are cute, so it works...haha)

last night was the birthday party for aaron and bryan. they are now offically 30!!! its so exciting :)
anyway, i had sent them birthday cards earlier in the week, but was soooooo psyched to see them out. it had been a little while. one of my best friends, craig dewey, came with me. he came over to my apartment earlier and we hung out before we headed out.

ok, so lets address the elephant in the room. or on the blog, rather ;)
i am not one of those people that "get over" someone...at least i dont phrase it like that. i think that sounds incredibly rude and ignorant. sure, my relationship or opinion of someone may change, but its a shift in perspective. "im over you" is just stupidly mean. what happened between aaron and i sucked, sure, but i ultimately think his billing me was a reaction to him feeling hurt by me first. i have had numerous convos about this with ali and craig and they agree. of course that doesnt make it right, and surely not ok, but it makes him human.

he was the first guy that i truly, truly liked on a deeper level. well, the first one out of college. im hopeful that living in the same city may reignite something. i mean, i surely have a crush on him. ok, ok, i see all of you rolling your eyes!! and i get it. you love me, and dont want me to be hurt. but i like having crushes on people. and hes a crush. for now...just a crush.
(shhh, i may want more...hehehehe.....but ill keep it to myself for now!) haha...

drew...i know, you are just shaking your head. but you know me...having a stupid crush is just what i do. no worries...not planning our wedding, or uber romantic date nights...just keeping it at a distance. but crushes are necessary :)

ok, thanks for listening guys!

"damn, yous a sexy bitch..."



thanks akon!
i know, i know, my music taste is amazing. and very tasteful. its the title of akons new song...and i think it does a pretty good job summarizing what i look like right now.

you see, im recovering from lip surgery i had on friday. not sure how this little lip issue started (as, quite frankly, the past 6 weeks of my life have been a fantastic blur), but i had a mucosele develop on my lip. or, rather, in it. essentially its when the mucus cells in your lip retain liquid and create a cyst. pretty yummy stuff. anyway, i had put up with it long enough and couldnt take it any more. it was starting to really grind at me. i kept biting it, it was getting in my way when i would talk, and after i confirmed that there was no chance it would go away on its own, i knew i had to get it out.

i googled oral surgery centers in los angeles and picked the one that was pretty close to my apartment. long story short, i got it out. HURT LIKE A BITCH!!!!!!!!! please excuse my language, but when he took my lip between his two fingers and jabbed a novacaine needle in there, i about died. it made tears run down my face!

at that moment, i felt so scared and sad. i was in so much pain, and found myself staring up at the ceiling of an unfamiliar doctors office, alone. it was really, really weird. then, wouldnt you know it, i called my mom and she talked to me until the doctor came back in to do it. she assured me the hardest part was over...she was right. the rest was a trip. i was so tense that i was practically hugging myself...the doc promised me i could relax.

PS...the doc was fantastic!! i mean, really really fantastic. he made me feel great. he made sure i was comfortable at all stages. even called me that night to check in. yea....thats a good sign of a good one. so, even though i never do this, i gotta give myself props. i really can do good! haha.

so, here are some post-op pics. i look hot!!
please, enjoy :) hahaha...

Friday, September 18, 2009

10 reasons you're the best

youre the kind of person who realizes that the airport security people - breathe, calm - are just doing their job

on the bus, you stand up for pregnant ladies (take a hint, men!)

when you borrow the dress, you return it - dry-cleaned

you tell her when she has spinach in her teeth (instantly fixable), but not when she has gained five pounds (you know she already knows)

you like target and tiffany about equally

you offer to babysit, and - yep - acutally do

you arent perfect...but then none of the best people are

you dance, giggle, hug, sing, curse and cry so that no one is left wondering how you are feeling

you dont post pics where you look great and everyone else looks nauseous

you give great birthday



of course there are zillions more reasons why you are the best. these are just fun and light-hearted. know that you are amazing the way you are. (cause i sure think so)

Thursday, September 17, 2009

happy one month anniversary to me!

haha! :) i have been working at american apparel for one month.
on my way to work this morning i was talking to my mom, and we were talking about how crazy it was that she visited me 3 weeks ago. what kind of time warp am i in?!

ok so this post has taken me all day with work and everything. happy anniversary...is it fridya yet??! haha

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

hey, its ok...

...to have the odd crazy night out on a sunday. it is technically still the weekend.

...to be secretly glad summer is winding down. no need to wax every inch of your body in autumn...phew

...to spend three hours writing a three-sentence email to the guy youre trying to ask out

...to want to kill anyone who dares talk to you on a monday morning

...to not quite have the emotional strength to delete that toxic ex-boyfriend from your facebook friends

...to cringe whenever you see the abbreviation LOL. doubly so when its LMAO. laughing my ass off? not remotely - and even less so now

...to own green, blue and gold eyeliners, but end up sticking to good old black

...if you pick up a coin in the street. but draw the line at pennies...unless theyre heads up

...if you get the barman to serve you by accidentally-on-purpose giving him an eyeful of your cleavage. whatever works


i just love reading these in magazines. just so entertaining :)

i believe

aunt martha sent me this this morning. it almost brought me to tears (happy tears), and made me feel so good. all these things are so true, and just gave me the chills.

i believe...birth certificates show that we were born..death certificates show that we died. pictures show that we lived!

i believe...that just because two people argue,doesn't mean they don't love each other. and just because they don't argue, doesn't mean they do love each other.

i believe...that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

i believe...that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

i believe...that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. same goes for true love.

i believe...that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

i believe...that it's taking me a long time and im still working to become the person i want to be.

i believe...that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. it may be the last time you see them.

i believe...that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

i believe...that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

i believe...that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

i believe...that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

i believe...that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

i believe...that my best friend and i can do anything, or nothing, and have the best time.

i believe...that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

i believe...that sometimes when im angry i have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

i believe...that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had, and what you've learned from them.....and less to do with how manybirthdays you've celebrated.

i believe...that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

i believe...that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

i believe...that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

i believe...that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. it could change your life forever.

i believe...two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

i believe...that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

i believe...that even when you think you have no more to give, if a friend cries out to you........you will find the strength to help.

i believe...that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

i believe...that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

i believe...the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything.

this is so beautiful. it is so easy to get caught up in the craziness of life that sometimes reading things like this bring you back into a clearer perspective. so enjoy it :) i certainly did.