Tuesday, December 21, 2010

hey, its ok...

* to move across the country - or around the world - for love.
its also OK to make him move. youre worth it.

* to never trust a man in silk boxers.

* to buy yourself a Christmas present. wrapping and
putting it under the tree is one step too far, though.

* to not be careful what you wish for.
if you get it, dive right in.

* to cancel plans because The Muppet Christmas Carol is on.
you dont turn your back on the golden oldies, thank you very much.

* to google your own name. you know, just to see.

* if your mom still gives you a Christmas stocking (even if you do ask her to).

* to stare unashamedly at a hot girl - then get annoyed if your boyfriend does.

21st.

happy holidays!

kinda had a lot to say, but have been attempting this post for about 3 hours (between errands, interviews and work). so, ill try back later. haha

Thursday, December 16, 2010

taking a look back

i was scrolling back through my blog today. i am really excited that i will be able to reread my life over the past few years thanks to my lil bloggie. ive always been pretty obsessed with writing in journals (i think i have about 45 of them), and this is a fun new way to do that. granted, i think written journals are the way to go, as thats where you should keep your secret thoughts and stuff. online is just not the place for that.

i credit aunt martha with giving me the idea to start this blog...something i excitedly began in august 2008. its been a little over two years, and im still in love with it. its grown and changed with me as i have gone through a lot over the past 2+ years.

cant wait to see where life goes these next few year s (and beyond!)

WOO WOO!!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

a rarity: a to-dont list

december is typically a pretty frantic month. holiday shopping, baking, work, socializing, eating a lot, and doing all the normal life things that need to be done. needless to say, you probably dont need more items to add to your to-do list. fret not, as i am happy to share with you some things you dont need to worry about this month (courtesy of our friends at health magazine).

* feeling bad about exchanging that present you totally hate. thats what gift receipts are for!

* bird poop facials - actually offered at some spas. no matter how radiant your skin might look afterward, its still bird poop, and its still on your face! theres no shame in staying with the core spa menu, like a nice Swedish massage.

* sticking to your diet at Christmas dinner. OK, so you shouldnt do a face-plant in the sweet potato casserole and eat your way out, but its one day, people. we say eat what you like and get back to normal when the world isnt awash in rum-soaked cake.

* getting glam for the gym. even kelly ripa says she works out without her makeup and padded bra. were with kelly: its not like were going to burn more calories by having perfect hair.

* breaking up with ben and jerry. so what if a few ingredients are not quite all natural? lets get real - its ice cream, not health food!

* forcing yourself to wear the jeans style du jour, whether its skinny, high-waisted, or boyfriend. knowing what looks good on your body and sticking with it shows true personal style.

* fillers for your feet. a New York City podiatrist is injecting facial filler into the balls of womens feet to help make it less painful to sport skyscraping stilettos. for the same money ($1000 per foot - and it lasts less than a year!), you could buy a whole wardrobes worth of sexy, comfy kitten heels instead.

armed with a few to-donts this month, you are now humored enough to get going on the to-do list. happy  TO-DOing!!

Monday, December 6, 2010

Hey, its OK!

...to tell your friends you love them...stone cold sober.

yep.

LOL!

a couple lil jokes to brighten your day...

two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. one starts to insult the other one. he screams, "i slept with your mother!" the bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. the first again yells, "i slept with your mother!" the other weasel says, "go home, dad, youre drunk."

a chicken and an egg are lying in bed. the chicken is smoking a cigarette with a very satisfied smile. the egg is frowning and looking frustrated. the egg says, "guess we answered that question."

HA! happy monday.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

how do you mourn?

when i lost my dad, i felt pretty numb. despite having SO much thought going on in my head, i didnt have anywhere to go with it since i wasnt ready to talk about anything. those first few months had nothing to do with mourning or sadness or loss. i was so numb i didnt feel anything. i knew all those feelings were there, but i wasnt able to actually feel them. any time i tried to talk about anything, id sob. i sobbed in a hospice group therapy meeting, with ali, and on my own. ali told me she was ready to talk anytime i was...she patiently sat with me through tears, laughs, and fear. she still does :)

after the initial period of despair, loss and numbness came a "what the FUCK just happened?!!" head space. i was so confused and sad at everything that i didnt know how to process anything. or how to function properly. i didnt feel social...having fun felt wrong. the light that i had in my eyes just faded away. tears flooded my body.

to cope, i decided to go against everything that was naturally me. i wanted to escape my life for a second, so i dyed my hair dark and found a fondness for black nail polish. looking back, i think i wanted to hide. fade, if you will. with dark hair, i definitely felt different than i did with blond hair. and, although my mom is/was/and will always be mortified that i was a brunette for a time, i really liked it. just like my time spent in LA was purposeful, being a brunette was a necessary change.

hell, its not like i went off the rails. i changed my hair.

that said, i can totally understand how a serious thing like this can send you off the rails. i figure if being a brunette is the worst thing i do, ill be ok.

i am now currently returning to my naturally lighter hair. and, for the time being, lighter nail polish. it was a fun period though. i go through phases randomly. ha, dad would be so proud ;)

im heading out to a birthday party, but more thoughts and confessions to come. xo

Friday, December 3, 2010

its that time of year again...

for new years resolutions! are you thinking about yours?!

i havent officially figured out what mine is going to be, but i think im going to be pretty lax about it. i just want to live my life the way i am, continue to love and play with my friends and family, and laugh...A LOT. i feel like im rediscovering myself, and coming through the tunnel that we went through. gone is the jet black (or super dark violet, rather) hair, and dark nail polish. back are my highlights and fresh nails. im meeting tons of people and having a ball.

aside from the job market being a complete shit show, im loving life. i love new york. im incredibly proud that despite some pretty rough times, i have been able to overcome fear and live life the way i need to. i have lived and thrived all over the USA and am damn proud of that. i have amazing friends! we laugh through the tears and fears of life, cry through the same, and dance when needed. we bond over being broke, but happy, and thrilled we all know each other.

thank you friends. you love me despite any imperfections. you love me because, im, well, just me. you make life worthwhile, and i am so lucky for you.

heres to a sure-to-be incredible new years eve celebration with my best friends! let the countdown begin!!!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

12.2.10

hard to believe we are coming up on 2011. hilariously enough, i distinctly remember my crew and i celebrating the millennium...which DOES NOT feel like over a decade ago! whaaaaaat?!

a lot has happened this year. good, bad, indifferent. im in a good place.

ok, serious ADD has kicked in...ill be back later :) xoxo

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

happy december

WOW! december 1st.

its funny, ive been doing a lot of comparisons in my head these past few months...comparing what ive been up to here in new york versus what i was doing this same time last year in los angeles. with me starting the years relatively during the same time, i see it happening a lot this year.

moving to new york, which has proven to have its own challenges for sure, was a great decision. i am 3 blocks from my best friend, and in a city with a lot of my favorite people. (and a few hours in any direction from a lot more).

my life/time in LA has a special place in my life and heart. i made the decision to move to LA to find some closure on some things, get away from others, and prove something to myself. even though i know i succeeded in this, i still struggle with feeling good enough. little by little, we are working on this (i have informally hired ali and ryan to coach me with life)...our stories, advice and date nights are ABSURD and i love every second of it. i am really blessed with such amazing friends....and i am still laughing about the other nights discussion. maybe even still blushing :) haha....

on another note, spending a few days home in lancaster was hilarious. i road tripped it home with a few buddies and it was hilarious. we had dinner and went out to party. we bar hopped college-style all over lanc. it was a lot of fun.

long story short, thanksgiving day was great. we spent it with cathy and eric. LOVE THEM! we played games, and just laughed so hard. we talked about dad and her husband who we lost. it was nice.

friday was more craziness, when we also went out. we met a lot of new people and met up with some old faces. im a bit love sick over a crush i may have been harboring for a very long time.

just to paint a picture of how our night started, amanda, ali and i walked in to the bar and a man came up to us and said "my wife sent me over to buy you three drinks." he put $100 on the table, did shots with us, got us champagne and the night began. it was all hilarity from there (after some confusion on our part about why a wife would send her husband to buy drinks for young girls, but after we overcame our cynicism we had fun with it). turns out it was her boss and she was setting him up cause hes an ass.

hope thanksgiving was great for everyone. i cant wait for christmas break. and new years. im hoping this year will be something special :)

Thursday, November 25, 2010

57 years young.

on top of thanksgiving, we are celebrating moms 57th birthday! as to couple together both thanksgiving traditions and her birthday fun, we are having birthday cake for dessert. i am PSYCHED cause i hate pie, and love cake. yay, thanks mom :) haha.

HAPPPPPPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMA !!!!!!

a day of thanks.

i am thankful for a lot of things. my health, my family and friends. ice cream, chocolate and salsa. peanut butter, laughter, and tears. a good hug, story and hand shake. drops of rain, a warm jacket and christmas lights. pictures of my dad. volunteering. movies. popcorn. this list could go on forever....

see, i think a well rounded way of looking at things is to appreciate it all. i wont lie and say i dont like getting gifts every now and again, or enjoy a glass of wine out with friends. i think those things are just as important as family dinners and deep thoughts. 

sometimes im thankful i have such amazing friends to get drunk with and wear high heels. sometimes im thankful to be approached my a cute boy who makes me forget my long day and we enjoy a fun subway ride. sometimes i am thankful i have an ipod so i dont have to talk to anyone. sometimes its my health and happiness. sometimes its helping an elderly man across the street, or on/off the subway. sometimes its helping a pregnant woman and her child with her bags.


the beauty of life is that there is so much to be thankful for everyday, for various reasons. i hope that you all have a very happy thanksgiving, and a healthy year. the holiday season has really only begun, so i am so excited for what is in store.

thank you, dear family and friends, for everything.  i am truly thankful!

Monday, November 22, 2010

never underestimate the power of something.

the heading may seem pretty vague, but i think its true. i watched a video the other day on a woman who was suffering from CJD. it was a link posted on facebook on the CJD "causes" page. i thought i was strong enough to watch it. though i feel overly fragile in all matters that deal with CJD, i had my mind convinced id be able to handle this video. i mean, pretending life is all rainbows and butterflies is worse, so educating myself on the cause is something i want to continue to do regardless of how hard it is.

well, i wasnt ready. apparently not by a long shot. the video flooded back all these memories that i had put inside a little box in my mind. a box that i had mentally locked and hid the key.

since then (2 days ago) i have just thought a lot about some things that are frustrating me. i feel helpless and weak and desperate for my dad. he made me feel secure and always promised me id always be ok. he assured me that my fear of one day living on the streets (from the difficulties of the world) would never happen. it may seem like a crazy, irrational fear, but its mine. we all have them, right? but what do you do when that person that was everything to you is taken away? you flail. hello: present tense. haha.

the sadness/frustration/fear/anxiety/etc i feel with the loss of my dad has sort of made me more mindful of how much i kind of like this boy (but cant control the situation), how much i want a really cool job (again, cant really control), and how much i cant control tears. little things, even happy things, are setting them off. UGH!

i said a prayer to my dad last night, and shed tears in bed. i didnt mean to, i just really couldnt help it. i have found 2 lucky pennies since yesterday and i am hoping thats a sign that things are going to be fine. i could really use it :)

ok i have an interview tomorrow, so i think ill go veg for a bit. more updates later :)

Friday, November 19, 2010

a few things i am thankful for.

there is no shortage of things in my life that i am thankful for, including friends and family, food, movies, music and holiday decorations. i love the simple things the world has to offer...a really good laugh, a warm cookie, and a crush on a cute boy.

the holidays serve as a hefty reminder that i am, however, without one of the most special guys in my life. i hope that i get to a point in life where i am not so worried. i worry about money, safety, and being loved. i worry about the hole that is left in my life. i just dont know how i plan on figuring it out.

i am looking forward to spending a few days with my mom, gamma, and thad (hi thad!). it will be so special.

xoxo

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

craigy ferg.

i love him. LOVE HIM.

lil wayne. weezy. love him too.

andy roddick.

dudes with accents.

matt damon.

yea, at 27, i am still boy crazy. thats ok with me :)

hi.

so im 27. im cool with that. had some funny experiences happen yesterday, which ali sums up as "you know, weird, hilarious and crazy stuff happens...always when im with you". well, B, youre welcome. haha, just kidding. its true though, i always experience weird moments.

i think im going to write another book. i havent decided what i want to write about yet, so i thought id reach out to the blogosphere and get some input. thanks!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

its the birthday weekend

woo woo!! cant believe its already mid november. crazy to think that 2 years ago i spent my birthday in lancaster, last year was in LA and this year i am in NYC.

my weekend/next week is pretty busy with nights out, brunches and dinners, drinks and game nights. kinda fabulous that my friends and i just LOVE being together.

ok, well off to get ready for some festivities. XOXO

Friday, November 12, 2010

on a lighter note...

a little happiness and lightheartedness from the lovelies at glamour magazine.

please enjoy their list of silver linings of life's lowest moments:

* your bag was stolen, giving you the best excuse ever to buy a new, even nicer bag. joke's on you, robber man!

* after three weeks on crutches, your triceps will be ripped.

* two days of stomach flu = hey! take those jeans out of the giveaway bag...they fit again!

* maybe the fireman will be hot.

* an outdoor wedding in the rain makes for very cinematic pictures.

* if someone steals your identity, that means they have to take on your credit card debt, right? right?


* well, at least you know the airbags work.

* now they can see that, besides being brilliant and beautiful, at heart you're just a regular person with a temper.

* having a pimple makes you look younger.

* the baby. the baby is the silver lining even though you just got a million stitches down there.

happy international cjd day!

yea i know, not much of a celebratory day, huh? but it is so important to say prayers of remembrance for those we have lost; prayers of honor for those in the midst of their battle; prayers of strength for all those caring for a loved one; prayers of peace for all those who mourn. we need a cure! i had gotten word that drew was planning to get blood tested in may, and find out if he is carrying the gene.


over thanksgiving, i am planning to have my blood tested and sent to case western. i havent decided if im ultimately going to find out the results (there are countless reasons for why i should or shouldnt), but i think its good to get it tested, regardless. 


heres to finding a cure!!
(updates to come on my blood work...if i get the results!)

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

november.3

well hello there fall.

a bunch of us got together last night at shake shack to kick back and hang out.
flick and i met up at columbus circle (59th street) and walked the 20+ blocks to shake shack (86th street)...it was beautiful, busy, fun, and COLD! nothing beats walking the streets of new york with your best friend, but i will say, its getting chilly. not chilly enough for a late-night stop at pinkberry, though.

AND, coolest thing ever...i am currently watching my first ever DVRd show. yes, i officially am a part of the 21st century. i know how to DVR. woo woo!! i love you craig ferguson!!!!!!!!!

god, i love craig ferguson. LOOOOOVE!!!! in your pants!

Monday, November 1, 2010

officially november.

HELLO NOVEMBER!


i wanted to start the month by sharing my horoscope. its my birthday month, so it seemed fitting.


Today's Scorpio Horoscope
November 1, 2010
A lovely day for attracting positive energy into your life is in store, Scorpio. You can find yourself naturally drawn to pleasing social situations, and your manner is especially warm and appealing. It's a great time for attracting or enhancing a relationship. A partner has something to say, and it's important that you listen carefully.
 
 Creativity: Good ~ Love: ~ Business: Good


i could get used to that. all good. lets hope good things are on the way :)
happy november :)

Sunday, October 31, 2010

tomorrow is november

holy shit. tomorrow is november. 2 weeks until my birthday. i will be turning 25 (again!?)...haha!!

nah, just kidding, ill be 27 years young. pretty hard to believe. seeing all these little trick-or-treaters brings me back to when i was 6. and, well, last year. im lucky my friends and i havent outgrown the simplicities in life. everyone likes candy...and halloween allows us to binge on a bunch, and not feel bad about it. you can never outgrow sugar highs, chocolate bars and anything rainbow-colored. no sir.

in talking with my mom, i most definitely dont look at kids and wish to be that. i like getting older...i like being able to state my opinion, and make decisions. i like being a contributing member of society. life in your 20s is a mish-mash of confusion, hormones, stubbornness, fear, and all-around angst. though i am not going to miss this, i do know that it is part of the journey.

im excited for that next chapter...the boyfriend (i know, i know, who am i!?!), and settling down a bit.
what i find difficult is that i like to live my life the way i feel i need to...work, workout, see friends, etc. i like to do certain things, eat certain things, run at certain times, etc. i know this is true for everyone, and i just hope i can find a gem of a boy to fill in my puzzle. that is key, right?! i mean if you are going to date someone, he has to compliment you or itll never work.

well, i do have feelers out, and a crush (or several?!). ahhh yes, boys.

coming up on my 27th birthday, i feel good. i feel like i have seen so much, accomplished so much and been really open to life. i have given different cities, jobs, people and opportunities a chance, and have really grown into my shoes. at 27 i feel like i know who i am. i know what i like and i know how to be a great friend. im excited because i have so much more to learn, see and meet, but i like where i am headed. and, although i hate being cold, im excited to be back on the east coast.

the big apple has proven interesting to get used to. its a whole 'nother planet in terms of how things work. you have to take public transportation everywhere (um, yea, hopping in the car and grabbing groceries doesnt exist), and figuring out which subway to grab in which direction and switching platforms has been hilariously ridiculous. i am my own version of a really bad reality show. but thats ok.
if i can live in LA, NYC, philly and countless others, as well as get through the death of my dad, i an do anything. im not really phased by anything. cause i can do it. need the proof. its all there.

well im going to sign off, but not before i wish my little bloggie a happy birthday month! pretty exciting.

happy halloween all! xoxo

happy halloween!

its that time of year again! halloween is such a funny, crazy holiday. we went out last night, and the sight on the subway was RIDICULOUS. there was a unicorn, 2 girls that were pieces of bread (they kept sandwiching people...it was sooooooooooooooooo funny!!), a zombie, etc. i love how people get into it...what an absurd day, right??

the one thing i cant get comfortable with is masks. to get to the party we were going to, we had to walk a little ways down a pretty dark street. coming toward us was a dude walking alone in all black with the most terrifying mask on that i have ever seen. im typically not ok with those. otherwise, i think its hilarious.


anyway, i ended up being a cat and ali was alice (in wonderland). i took a pic of us getting ready.

ali and i had gotten together earlier in the day to costume shop. note to self: costume shopping the day before halloween SUCKS. haha. we stood outside the shop for 20 minutes like we were in line to get into a bar in college. they were on the 1 in, 1 out, system. whaat?!

anyway, i opted for a cat. costumes are SOOOO expensive, so were trying to think of cute ideas without spending $50+....which, sadly, is very hard to do. oh, also, we wanted to wear clothes, not be "slutty" anything. they didnt have just cat ears by themselves, so i got this little kit thing that came with ears, a tail, collar, and cuffs. we decided it had to be somewhat of a sex-kitten thing....i didnt wear the cuffs or collar. yea, NO. also, my tail and ears had pearls on them. not sure why, but i went with it.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Friday, October 22, 2010

the charms of my apt keep showing themselves

i thought today would be a great time to turn on the heat and make sure it works. there a little nob on the side of this heater, so i turned it. nothing happened. i kept turning it...and it came off! haha.

ok so i tried twisting it back the opposite direction and reattached the knob. waited a few minutes and kept checking the unit. it didnt get warm.

i was confused and feeling defeated. i went to the bathroom (silly deets i know, sorry) and lo and behold...the heat comes out of a pole in the bathroom! HAHAHA.

so, yea. my heat is in the bathroom. not really sure why theres a heat unit in the main room...it doesnt do anything!

happy lil apt....you are a weird little thing. kinda like your owner, so ill go with it :)

Thursday, October 21, 2010

ps...

amy, you need to start blogging again. and we must meet up soon. that is all. haha!

11 days

moved in 11 days ago. crazy!! it honestly feels as though it has gone super fast, but i know how much i have been through in the past 11 days. my emotions have been all over the place. ive done a lot of thinking (thank YOU no cable and internet)....haha.

its feeling a lot more like home now. mom was here last weekend and gave it her touch. YESS! thanks mom!! you are THE BEST, as we know. i now have cable and internet, and pics and paintings are hung. i have a few more things im planning to do, but a home is a process...and im in no hurry to "finish".

friends have seen it, mom has been here, and a housewarming party is being planned. flick and i get together all the time (living 3 blocks from your best bud is pretty great) and i pretty much fall in love with every cute boy i pass on the street, subway, or grocery store (what else is new!).

life is a process. its hard, its fun, its hurtful, its funny, its honest. all of it, all the bad, all the good, all the ugly and all the beauty is worth it. i know that to be true. for someone like me who is such a spaz, i sometimes struggle with all sorts of things, but my family and friends keep me grounded.

cheers!

Monday, October 18, 2010

just sayin'...

if you havent already heard it, please download and play "empire state of mind" by alicia keys featuring jay-z. in it, jay-z sings a line about "560 state street....": this is my street! i got a shout-out!

strictly out of curiosity, ali and i walked down my street a few blocks to see exactly where this building was. when jay-z lived in brooklyn, namely 560 state street, he was selling a lot of drugs and such. we walked by, and its a relatively nice place. just so funny you know!

basically, im just sayin', big things seem to happen on state street. hope its an omen to my life!

Monday, October 11, 2010

time to ramble

i found myself homesick last night. i had gotten home from running errands, spending a few hours with ali before she caught the train home for a week and grabbing a movie (without cable and internet, i am not in a huge hurry to get home) and began unwrapping my last box. it was picture frames. frame after frame of my family, my dad. i got teary. there are just some times that i get to thinking about life and how much id like to see my dad, talk to him and ask for his guidance. my dad had a way of making me feel smart, funny and beautiful even when i didnt feel it for myself. he had a complicated daughter (arent we all?!) and he just handled me, and everything in life, with such grace and ease. i would give anything to have him visit me in brooklyn, laugh at a joke, go run with me, help me land a boyfriend, loosen up about myself, and see that maybe one day things will fall into place. but he cant do that. i get a sense of ease when i pray at night and think about him, but i cant help but fight just how amazingly sucky life is without my dad.

thats not to say the people in my life arent amazing. you all are. my dad was just.....well.....dad. irreplaceable. in times like now where im adjusting to a new city and trying to find my way, a job, and organize my apartment, a bit of dad would be great. the moments when i fully believe i am not qualified for anything, id like him to tell me he loves me. the moments when i am alone or homesick, or bummed a boy wasnt interested...id love for him to tell me that im a catch, and hes only an email, phone call, text or train ride away. when i am feeling sluggish or tired after too much alcohol, too much sugar and not enough exercise...id like for him to remind me that im a great runner, and hes proud.

i dont mean any of this selfishly. anyone that knows me knows that nothing makes me happier than telling those i love how amazing they are. its just that my dad had a special way of reminding me about all the things i forget about myself.

life in your 20s is tough. there is so much self-doubt and self-acceptance (or not) happening. theres a lot of soul-searching, highs and lows. i know life is tough in all generations for various reasons, but for now, im still learning how to be 26. im trying to find a good guy to be mine. im trying to find something i love to do for a living. im trying to find a balance between wanting to be a great athlete and party animal.

ok, ill continue this self-introspection later, but before i sign off id like to share with you my hellish move. to start, the guy moving me told me on wednesday hed be at my apt between 7:30-8am on friday. because of this my mom cancelled her train cause she wasnt going to get there until 11, and by that time the move would be over. fast forward to friday and he didnt end up getting there until 945. that, and he showed up alone. who the hell shows up to move someone alone?!?! i was pissed. i called my mom. im still hoping to get some sort of refund for this. we had to ask some workers working next door to help with moving. i politely asked the guy why he showed up alone, and he defensively responded, "maam, ive been doing this for 32 years. i know what i am doing, are you questioning my abilities?" i was like, "no, im not at all, i just know that experience doesnt help move furniture, bodies do. seeing as youve done this a time or two, id think youd know this". ha!

well, he got me back. he asked if he could be. EXTREMELY hesitantly i said ok. he then took a huge shit and asked to please leave the apt while the smell diminished. i was MORTIFIED. MORTIFIED!!! a move that should have taken not much time took 4+ hours. he took a few smoke breaks. explained that smoking wasnt the reason he was short of breath going up 2 flights of stairs or the reason he had no teeth. (i didnt ask). defensive much?? haha.

needless to say, i wasnt a fan of my mover. the neighbors that helped were dolls!! i tipped 'em $20. i mean, they did move me. i didnt have any more cash than that, so that was it...but i got 'em waters and sodas. it was funny cause they actually felt bad for me throughout this whole thing. to quote one of them, "i think hes a fucking moron. we want to see you get moved successfully. please ask us for anything you need. lets hurry this up, so jackass goes home". he spent much of the move telling me how rich he was and how he doesnt get out of bed for anywhere near $350 a day. what the fuck?!

thats only the beginning. ive got many more ramblings to share :)
xoxo

Sunday, October 10, 2010

sunday

so here i am, sitting in my neighborhood starbucks blogging since i wont be getting cable for a few more days and i needed to blog. that, and well, escape unpacking and doing things within my apt for a while. i will do more of that tonight, and wanted to use my daylight hours for other things) haha.

ok, its happening again. im job hunting and doing other work instead of blogging.

this will get better, i swear! thanks for bearing with me...i know my lil bloggie hasnt been that exciting.

more updates to come. XOXO

hi there bloggie!

where did september go?! haha, i dont think i blogged in that entire month. good god! i have been doing so many things in so many places, i just needed a break i guess, sometimes in order to live life the way you want to, or should, you cant help but not have time to write it all down. this post itself has taken me 5 days...ive written a little, and stopped to take care of other things.

i want to wrap up this post and do another one, so here is a pic of my apt. shes pretty small, but perfect for my first new york apartment. apt hunting here is one thing that will never escape my mind. one of my bfs summed it up best, "usually after we experience immense pain, enough time can erase it. take childbirth. its crazy, but people forget and have another. the pain and misery of apartment hunting lasts forever" haha. i thought it was perfectly fitting, and funny.
please note that there are tons to come (mom is visiting this weekend, and we will share tons!), but i want you all to see my new home, as you were so amazing through my move.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

hkpa blog 2.0

as you may notice, i changed my lil bloggie a bit. as i find myself amidst a move of 3000 miles, i figure my blog should change right along with me.

im heading to the city tomorrow for a few days of what i refer to as "spending the day getting lost". its how i got to know LA, and its how i anticipate getting to know NYC. its the best way for me to learn a big city. ill head back to lanc on friday to spend labor day weekend here, and head back to new york to continue apt hunting next week (noone was available to show us apts this week as its a holiday).

im off to get my car.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

hello lanc!

i am back in the land of the amish! i landed friday morning after a red eye home and have been exhausted ever since (doesnt help when you party until 4am with friends, i know...) but all worth it! i have some hilarious stories i will be sure to share...stay tuned!

since i landed, i have had the most overwhelming emotions. i have felt ready to cry, and even want to leave. it wasnt until last night when all my best friends got together to party that i felt safe. my life is in a bit of a limbo right now. im living my life and believe 100% in myself, and just know that i am going to figure it out, but moving across the country definitely does not come without its issues. i cant help but feel in my moms way, and desperately want an apt of my own. ill elaborate, but we are jetting to a movie

i will do some serious posting later with necessary updates and details, but until then, heres a sneak peak at flicks engagement party...we took tons of pics!

Saturday, August 14, 2010

saturday the 14th

that just doesnt have quite the same ring as friday the 13th, eh? oh well, itll have to do.

so here i am on a saturday morning after a really, really late night out, drinking a latte and eating popchips. why is it that i cant sleep worth shit on days that i can (it is saturday, afterall), but am desperate for sleep during the week, when i have to get up. grr. just one of the many ironies of life i suppose.

12 days until moving day. its going to suck going a few days without cable or internet, but hey, a girl can survive right?! im going out for a celebratory dinner tonight with the armies. so excited.
(so i moved out here a year ago...and was in such better shape. 15 pounds lighter, kinda strict, etc. life just got in my way...no apologies. except, my clothes dont fit. haha.)

id like to think dad is up there smiling down on me. if he is proud, nothing else matters. id like to think i am getting to a point where i believe someone will love me for me. i tend to "run" so-to-speak when things get too serious. i know this. i know i dont really let dudes fully into my life. i am trying to change this. i am at a point where i am ready to love someone. have someone just love me. not kinda, not a little...but really love me. granted, i dont know if id know a real, healthy, normal relationship if it smacked me in the face (thank you A), but ill get there. i know how smart, funny, etc. i am. i know how amazing of an athlete i can be. i know the amount of food this chick can shovel in. i make no apologies for me. i will never be 90 pounds. i will never turn down fresh made cookies, or after dinner drinks. i will always be a runner. i may not run a 6-minute mile, but that doesnt mean im no good.

i guess, the thinking is..if im not the best, why try? i will never the the fastest, skinniest, tannest, richest, etc. so what?! there is always someone else. im finally at a place where thats ok. I AM ME. hilary armstrong kelley is a kick ass chick that can get pedis with the girls and beers with the boys. my guy friends want me on their sports teams, and the girls want me in their circles. thats enough for me.

i have an appetite for life. going through grief after my dad, i shut that down. i craved order. strict schedules. i didnt want to do anything that i couldnt control. i felt as though my life was already spinning out of control. i have now come to find that i am ready to welcome the world back to me. i am ready to take weekend trips to places, get drunk with buds, spend the night in strange places. all of it. not that i hadnt been doing that, i just want to do more of it. one of my top three weekends this past year was when my three best friends came to LA. i havent packed so much fun, food, drinks and insanity into three days in a really long time. i loved EVERY MINUTE. did we worry about waking up and running? NO. did we binge on ice cream? YES. look, im not saying thats the key. i am not lazy, and have no interest in getting fat. but, to quote the movie eat, pray, love, "im just done with the guilt". so what if i miss a run. so what if i am not 90 pounds. life is too short.

i am a corporate woman. i have paved a resume full of amazing experience. i have amazing friends. i have met amazing people. me. just me. i have. i have lived in amazing cities. i have worked hard to get good things for myself. me. i have. at 26 i cant be too hard on myself. i have done a lot, seen a lot, tried a lot, dated a lot, kissed a lot, tasted a lot, experienced a lot.

not to get all melo-dramatic (spelling??!), but i disagree that the grieving gets easier. if anything, i find it gets harder. you keep living your life, wishing the person you lost could just be there with you. you can no longer share anything with them. i talk to dad before i go to bed, but lets face it, hes not here. talking to his spirit is amazingly fulfilling, but id like him here ;). however, that kind of thinking will not get me anywhere. this next step in my life, next chapter if-you-will, will be incredible. dad will be in my head and heart the whole way, as always. i am a strong, independent chick. new york: here i come.

thank you LA. you have given me what i came here for. but, i am ready to leave. you were a fling. now i need the real thing. spoken like a true boy crazy girl....haha.

more to come. xoxo

Sunday, August 8, 2010

hungry? yea me too...i think ill take a bite of the "big apple"

countdown: 18 days until ill be on a red eye en route to fabulosity on the east coast.

updates to come later. but im getting super ansy.

Monday, July 26, 2010

today is a very special day.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!

my dad is 57 today. i think one of the entertaining things about life is how perception changes. take age, for example. when you are 7 or so, your babysitter seems so old! at 16, or 18 (of if you were me, 14) you were still a baby yourself. just for the record, i cant believe so many families let me babysit their kids at such a young age. haha. oh, memories.

then, you turn 16. you think youre so mature, so cool. so ready for cell phones, dates, the mall, cars. you think youre parents are lame. you know it all. anything you do is cool. you need all the coolest clothes. (this being abercrombie and gap). you want to drive to concerts with your buds, drink, smoke maybe, etc. basically, just drive the world crazy.

being a college freshmen sounds so young. turning 21 seems crazy mature. 25 even more so. at 26, i feel good about where i am, but it sounds "old". i look at my brother, who, at 30, seems super young. i mean that in the sense that 30 seems younger than 26. doesnt make sense, just my perspective. from there it gets fuzzy. i look at pictures of my family and all my aunts and dad especially redefine age. my parents look way younger than their 50s, aunts and uncles too.

age is just a number. it doesnt make you smarter, funnier, skinnier, wiser or more understanding by default. you have to work at those things. you have the opportunity to always work on yourself and these things. i love that.

at 57, my dad has more spunk, ambition, selflessness, wisdom, jokes, personality and drive then people half his age. he was just that way. he isnt physically here anymore, but i know he is up there looking down and he is all those things.

ok, now that i have done some reflecting, its time to get to the real reason for this post. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDIO. i love you so much and wish you were here. you are the most amazing man, and i am forever grateful for you. im one lucky daughter...you are one hell of a dad. i love you!!!!!!!

celebrity running

check out this link to find out what kind of celebrity runner you are.

i am...
hilary's Result: Oprah Winfrey
on quiz: What type of celebrity runner are you?



We all have to credit Oprah for making the marathon mainstream.  In 1994, she said she would finish a marathon before she turned 40.  She finished the Marine Corps marathon in 4:29:20.
Quiz MakerTake this quiz & get your result



haha. this quiz was ridiculous. absolutely ridiculous. i run for a lot of reasons and have my habits. this quiz does not reflect any of that. sheer entertainment though. kudos to the crazy that thought of these questions.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

just a few things on my mind


1. i dont get why its called twitter. what the hell is "twitter". im not judging the fact that people do it, but where the hell did the word come from. i cant be the only one who thinks this...
2. family and friends really are all that matter. a fun job, a cool apt and tons of money are all extras.
3. if you cant tone it, tan it! :)
4. dear chelsea handler: you used to be funny. i liked you. i watched your show. what the hell has happened. i find your show rather boring these days, or at least the one time i have seen it within the last few weeks. 
5. i dont find twilight intriguing or any other vampire show on tv. just dont.
6. yes i am still boy crazy. i hope i never lose that. i am able to balance it with real relationships, but silly little crushes are super fun.
7. monogamy is possible, if you want it to be. (i hope by saying this its true) haha.
8. i have a lot of friends that are on eharmony. some are dating or in relationships. kinda makes me weary of #7. haha.
9. i think i fell in love twice yesterday. both times in my apt elevator. (ok, not really love. but the boys were cute. cute!!)
10. i dont care what brad and angelina are up to. they wanna adpot 67 more kids...who cares. mel gibson? jesus. tiger woods? gross. this list could go on forever...
i will continue to post lists like this because a) its totally fun and entertaining, and b) i have lots of opinions! yay. 

what a year

this past year has kinda come full circle. i flew to california with a one way ticket, and ill be flying to pennsylvania with the same. as much as i love warm weather (and hate you snow!) i am really psyched to head back east. my childhood and life are back there. i think i can suck it up and put on a coat. haha.

more updates to come...

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

a little glamour entertainment

glamour mag has supplied me with a lil reading entertainment many times over the years. here for your enjoyment, are their top ten apps they wish were made: (feel free to share your ideas for apps. i know i have tons!)

iHouseboy: he scrubs the tub and muddles a mean mojito

make these shoes comfy: wave phone and strut

no way youll be at work today: creates and sends genius excuses

gaga-fy: pass it over any outfit and fabulize (that one seems a bit scary to me. i dont want to look anything like her. no offense to her, it just would not work. haha)

bad-date exit strategy: calls you mid-salad, just in case!

red alert: provides a one-hour warning that your period is on its way (how cool would that be. the word cool being used in context here. obviously your period is never cool, but this warning is fabulous!)

insta-puppy: gives you an adorable temporary pooch anytime a cute guy is within sight

the decode-me: translates the actual hidden agendas of passive-aggressive people

eyes in the back of your head: tells you how your butt looks in that

zero-humidity hair: works even in a monsoon of epic proportions

fun, huh! it would be so fun to have a job where it was up to you to create new apps. i can think of zillions that would be so fun, creative, cool, etc.

Monday, July 19, 2010

its official!

im engaged! haha just kidding. that will be a fun announcement though, huh?!

haha ok, but really, i have a move date. i will be leaving LA and returning to my roots august 26th. just in time for one of the best parties of the summer: alis engagement party!

i cant believe this year has come full circle. although drew and i will not be ending the year by running the san fran half marathon this year, we are planning to run one in north carolina in november. (and if you can believe it, there is a half marathon in lancaster called the "amish country half" that i kinda want to check out. not sure of the crowd on that one....haha, ill stop my judging here. :)

anyway, the LA to NYC is on. officially 37 days and counting......

its dads birthday in one week. thats hard. i really find it so strange that he is no longer here. it is definitely something that i am always going to struggle with. death is something that is so beyond my thinking. i remember dad always struggling with how he felt about religion seeing as there is no way to prove there is a god, heaven, hell, etc. its all belief. im a lot like that. the world tells me he is dead, but as my dad, he is always here. i refuse to ever say out loud the word "dead". i dont like it. its too hard. i look at pictures, i talk about him out loud, i remember my childhood...he was always there. he helped get me through puberty, boys, and college. he helped me survive moving to arizona, passing my drivers test, getting my period and failing my first and only class. he helped me realize my potential, helped me move to my first big city for my first big job out of school and even some funny dates. he and mom were both instrumental in me becoming me. i know that never goes away and i am finally realizing that my friends and family want to help me continue to grow and live life. i dont need to run away anymore. i dont need to prove that i can do it on my own. (fleeing to LA and finding a job, apt, and life on my own was something that i needed to do for me). i feel like i was having delayed onset grief. my way of dealing was to say "fuck you" to the world. i now understand myself better, and finally get what ali has been telling me..."hil, when you struggle, i struggle. when im sad, youre sad. as best friends we all go through things together. youre supposed to share all that with me...let me share the burden". for so long i felt like i had to do it all alone, as though i had something to prove. i dont. the funny thing is, my family and friends love me as is. (i know, theyre crazy!) haha.

its funny....growing up, i mean. you learn all these things, you struggle, you succeed, you make money and lose it. you laugh, you cry and get pissed. its all worth it. all of it.

thank you to those that have continued to be my rocks. i have had a very odd, fulfilling, crazy, annoying, hilarious, fun, few years. its knowing that i have all of you that has made it possible. (especially you mom)

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

big day

gamma had surgery today. been a long day of updates and scary texts. she is officially done with the op and mom, uncle andy and uncle dwight are waiting to see her. cant wait to get the call that she is fabulous (ill prob be back east by then, as recovery is estimated at 4-6 weeks).

on another note, the moving guy came to my apt today to take note of everything i am packing. after he left, i went and got some boxes so that i can start packing my stuff (my mom said i could just leave it for the movers, but i asked him today and he told me that fore every box they pack its $58). um, no thanks. i can pack my own stuff. and really, id rather do that.

more updates later! love you
xoxo

Saturday, July 10, 2010

you know youre growing up when...

your friends start to get engaged. what the hell. when did this happen?! i guess despite all the promises to never grow up that my grandmother always used to make me promise just cant happen. the ultimate is going to be when i finally meet a guy that i love for more than 5 minutes and get engaged then we will know the world really has lost its shit.

ive got one of my best friends engagement parties in about 6 weeks. cant wait. im trying to figure out the most creative, funny, yet amazingly perfect gift. i mean this is a girl i have known since i was like 3. maybe 5. and i cant pretend that i am not super excited to meet her fiances friends...well, ive met most, but his new friends. from law school. ali thinks ill find HIM. considering the last guy i really liked (no, aussie stud doesnt count. nor does the adorbs dude i met out at a dance club. both lovely, both fun. neither are long terms if you know what i mean) sucked ass, things are looking up. i have crushes every 5 minutes...just yesterday i passed a stud riding his bike. i thought about yelling at him for his number...but that just seemed tacky. haha.

the decision has been made. i am moving back to the east coast. ill discuss all my thoughts later (i have poured over everything with my mom and best friends for weeks now. its just a lot to type and im not really in the mood. world cup is on :)) im crazy excited. lots of anticipation and excitement. cant wait to spend tons of time laughing, dancing, eating, talking, and getting into trouble with my bests...all the while drinking too much and soaking up the sun. aaaand, i cant wait to date a great guy. thats right, you heard it here first. id like a nice one. peace out LA boys. some of you were fun. some were gross. and one, well, you sucked. (in all honesty, you sucked a long time ago, it just took me a while to quit you....haha). a special shout out to craig for being my therapist. hes taking bets now that said boy is going to come out pretty soon. haha. god, i need a drink.

happy saturday! xoxo

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

sorry bloggie!

i dont really have a great reason/excuse as to why i wasnt blogging except for the fact that i wasnt really feeling it these past few weeks. a little time off is always necessary in life no matter what we do though, no?! so i guess thats what ill call it.

july 4th is this weekend and i cant believe it. i moved out here 11 months ago. that is nuts!! with one month to go on my lease, i am in serious thinking mode about my next step. so far its involved lots of tears, lots of stress, lots of chocolate and and lots of late night amazing convos with my besties. yep, pretty much the norm :) thanks guys for all the support (team hilary is incredible and i couldnt survive without you). xoxo

thanks mom


…for always being my number one fan.  from cheering me on at intramural soccer games, to letting me join you in aerobic classes, to driving us all over the northeast playing select soccer you never missed a chance to tell me you were proud of me.
…for teaching me to to be independent and adventurous.  i know it sucks that i keep moving around the country and always seem to be living 3,000 miles away, swinging through town only for whirlwind holiday visits or quick weekends.  know that home is always in my heart, even if we don’t see each other nearly as much as we should. (that is going to change. ha!)
…for reading my blog.  and commenting. :)   i have had several people mention how cool it is that you do that.  thanks for being a member of my little community here.
...for being my mom. i know its not easy being a mom to a growing women. we are complicated (understatement?!), but i just want you to know that its really special to me that you support me no matter what i decide. 
...for helping me grieve, grow and learn how to live life. you not only let me look to you for help and advice, you encourage it. you never pounce on me in moments of weakness or confusion, you laugh at them with me.
so, thank you. i mean it. really: thank you. i cant wait to see you soon, FINALLY! i love you so much bestie. xoxo

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

hey, its ok!

...to laugh so loudly that everyone stares (mom, we got this one down!)

...to spend a whole happy hour making up names for that band you all are totally going to start one day.

...if the erotic appeal of toe-sucking utterly baffles you.

...to not have the kind of dad who plays golf, wears ties, and serves as your personal ATM. (hear that, gretting card people?!)

...if you  have a "type". the heart wants what it wants. and the loins. they want what they want too.

...to tell him youll need more than a drawer at his place. please: counter space in the bathroom, room in the closet, and a spot for your soymilk. lets me real.

...to have a couple of holdover phrases from high school that you can get rid of. sweet!

10 things that never cross a mans mind

* i know! ill write an actual letter explaining how i feel.

* man, i am so in the mood for a sweet little romantic gerard butler comedy.

* if i want us to date for two years and have time together before three kids, with the last one born by 38...god, i need to meet the love of my life tonight.

* i really gotta replace these undies.

* oh, wow, babe, this teapot would be perfect to put away for your mom for next christmas.

* darn this huge penis.

* im boycotting sex until she apologizes.

* two pounds up? no beer for a month!

* no, no, its ok, boss, you dont have to pay me well.

* if you like it, you should put a ring on it!

HAHAHA! had to share this, i just loved it!!!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

am i ready to head back to the snow?!

as you may or may not know, i am contemplating a move back east.
this decision is being fueled by a lot of things. here is a little walk through my head: (seatbelts on!!)

* my best friends are in nyc and have wanted me there for way too long
* i love nyc
* i love the east coast
* id have a roomie (and i think i need one...i think its make my life so much more fun!)
* id be a train ride from mom, and drew for that matter
* lets face it, i will find a job. i found a job, an apt, and got my car in 4 days in LA. i think i can do it....

of course there are cons to every pro, and i am able to recognize that. i know it wont be easy or simple, but when in life have i chosen that route?! haha. i work hard. i can survive anything. ive hit bottom in terms of fragility and have been able to work my way through it. im pretty sure nothing, noone and no city can hit me as hard as losing my dad. and for that, i feel prepared for any and all bullshit. look, if i can handle working for dov charney at AA, i can handle nyc.

thoughts?!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

happy mothers day!!

Mom, I love you.
Thanks for always putting up with me throughout all the hysterical phone calls, tears, sore throats, homesickness, tummy aches, spontaneous business ideas and sheer hilary-isms. I am proud to be your daughter. Even more than that, I am lucky to be your daughter. These past 10 months have been excruciating being away from you, but have taught me things I needed to find. I know who I am and I know what I want. I know what I am capable of, and I know how to push myself, and when to loosen up. I have gotten clarity (read: clarity, not understanding, haha!) on our situation...I still dont get it, but I am learning to channel dad when I need to because of everything he was able to give me before he was taken. You are my best friend and I cant wait for our next chapter...in the same tiem zone. Happy mothers day to the greatest mom there is. Youre the best, I love you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xoxo

Thursday, April 29, 2010

i blame my hormones

 i cant quench my hunger for chocolate! 2 chocolate drizzled pita sandwiches, chocolate covered pretzles, a chocolate protein bar, countless nips candies and so on. yum yum! i think im hormonal. that and work has been sucking like crazy. (i swear i had real meals today too...those were just some chocolatey extras!), ps, the boy!? he sucks. im over it. thank you, that is all :)

haha! happy thursday. this little chub is going to continue drowning her emotions in chocolate. yea, its healthy. its getting me through this week. bye bye!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

confessions of a blogger

i still love the backstreet boys. they just came out with a new album, and i love it.

i am in love. at least in hilary world. hes a lucky SOB isnt he?! haha, just kidding.

i am having a ball creating a life here in LA. its so great meeting good people. makes it all worth it when you seem to meet a lot of not-so-good people (nicest way to say it).

i like to hike in the middle on nowhere with great people. the best adventures always happen that way.

i want my dad back.

i saw the hugest penis today from a tiny little bishon. he was dry humping a  lab, and it was huge. we all joked that he had the dick of a black man (please excuse the language). it was the funniest thing i have ever seen. took 20 minutes just to go back in. too much information, i know, but this was truly the most hilariously, amazingly ridiculous thing i have seen in a long time! OMG! wish we had taken a picture.

i love bbq-ing with friends. i have high hopes for the summer :)

really wants this boy to work out. (he has the same initials as my best friend. if that isnt a sign, i dont know what is! haha)



i have been a bit absent blogging these past couple weeks. real life got in the way a bit. i really need to add some pics and update what i have been up to. i have visited malibu, hiked the zuma beach canyons, gone to a jazz concert with my boy crush, met some great people, have spent many nights enjoying the weather and bbqing with friends, suffered through work, planned an amazing weekend for my best friends to come visit, gone on some amazing runs, etc. oh, and i downloaded some backstreet boys songs. HA! i definitely owe my lil blog some pictures. i hope to do that soon!!

signs it wasnt you - it was him

* having sunday lunch at your mothres house, when asked if he wanted custard or cream with his dessert, he threw his napkin in the air and cried, "i dont know! i have to make that sort of commitment now?! stop crowding me. i cant breathe. i cant breathe. GIVE ME AIR!"

* he changed his facebook status to single because the eggs you boiled for his breakfast-in-bed treat were too rubbery and the bacon wasnt crispy enough

* he forgot your birthday. even though its the same day as jesus's. which is christmas day. noone forgets.

* you bought his a mug with "hot stuff" on it. he bought you a mug with "mug" on it.

* you 'made love' to him. he 'nailed' you. (ha, gross).

* he used your new iphone as a coaster for his beer (um, idiot?!)

* he kept cracking "jokes" about threesomes when he first met your friends.


mind you, i find these utterly hilarious, and quite frankly, absurd. however, delightfully entertaining.

10 things to say to your mom (after happy mothers day, of course)

in honor of mothers day coming up in about 3 weeks, i thought this post was appropriate:

1. thanks for the orthodontia

2. the card is in the mail. sorry its late, and yes, im still a procrastinator in spite of everything you did to help with that

3. sure, i cried every morning at day care, but im so proud of your career

4. the clothes you wore in the eighties - where are they? and dont be hurt when i call them vintage

5. my sex life is satisfying and safe, and you dont need details

6. im moving back in! haha, just kidding

7.  the crazy rules i fought at age 16? thanks for sticking by them

8. ...oh, and a general apology for that whole year. ok, decade

9. its all your fault i just spent $100 on organizing bins at the container store

10. and hey, mom, hows your crazy week going?


mom, i love you so much. you deserve more than one day a year. thank you for being my mom. i am such a lucky, lucky girl. xoxo

hey, its ok!

...for your "secret ingredient" to be ketchup

...that you have a posh phone voice

..to still be obsessed with lightning bugs aged 30

...for facebook de-tagging to take priority over, oh, everything

...if you dont always return clothes to the rail you picked them up from

...to google yourself. and be a bit dissapointed

...to go to the gym only to sit gossiping in the sauna. your pores are now immaculate

...for your wardrobe to have an identity crisis in this weird "is it winter or is it spring" weather confusion

...to have sex that only lasts as long as the ad break

Saturday, April 10, 2010

hey, its ok!

...to spend twice as much for the coca-cola in the little old-fashioned bottle.

...to consider driving with the windows down an effective hair-drying method.

...to actually use the coupons your mom sends you.

...to take great pleasure in telling guys to "man up." (because we women? we "up" everday).

...to secretly care if your name comes first in the CC list on a group email. not that it matters, right? right?!

...to to bummed its almost toenail maintenance season. (not me! i loooove pedicures!!!!)

...to never really know what to do with a name tag. if youre wearing strapless, does it go on your skin?

...to like fruit after a meal but be clear that its not dessert. pie is dessert. cake is dessert. kiwis are not.

hi bloggies!

its been a while since i blogged. while i absolutely loooooove to blog, life has gotten a bit in the way. please excuse this somewhat wallowing, sad, frustrated and blah post. i just seem to have hitten that proverbial wall.
after spending 12 straight days in the office (yes, easter sunday was spent at work), i am feeling a bit low. life has been feeling especially heavy lately. just seems i am doing an awful lot of struggling and not getting anywhere.

ok ok enough of this. i want to post something happy. i think its time for "hey, its ok!"

Thursday, April 1, 2010

happy april fools day!

it totally has nothing to do with my post, but i wanted to wish you all a very happy day filled with pranks :)

so, its back to reality. mom came and went. of course it was the fastest 3 days ever. we literally apartment hopped, ate, drank and surfed our way throughout the state. if its true what they say about "you are what you eat" then i am most definitely frozen yogurt, candy, grilled cheese and pizza. i know dad, i know! but, it was a treat weekend...hehe. we did eat a lot of salads and baked potatoes, berries (and cool whip) too, so there was somewhat of a balance. ha!
it was such fun going around to different places to see if mom could see herself living in them.
correction: it.was.horrendous

we started off the way i initially did when i came to LA: apartment complexes. i wont bad mouth them on the whole, as i know they are fabulous for a lot of people. but they arent for the kelleys it seems. moving on...

we hit marina del ray, newport beach, balboa island, laguna beach, irvine and of course los angeles. i will sum it up by saying this: my mom wants to be LA. there is soooo much to say regarding how and why she decided that, so i wil have to update later. hopefully, though, this whole process will hurry up so she will get here soon.

we spent the day in LA on sunday hitting up the cheesecake factory for lunch and then just enjoying the sunshine! its always a little sad the last day of a visitor. i love my mom soo soo much and just didnt want her to go. it was so cute...we went to a great little italian place near me for dinner. they have the best bread and garlic oil. MMMM. we had a leisurely dinner outside and just talked about everything. then there was pinkberry :)

the great part about her leaving on a red eye is that i get her all day. the bad part is that i always seem to get lost on the way home in inglewood. not really the place for me! haha...
(and no, having mapquest directions has done me no good).

i was sooo bummed when i got home sunday night. i mean super bummed. and homesick. monday too. monday was soo soo hard. my heart hurt. of course mom and i teared up a bit on the phone. damn you distance.

ok, so, to wrap this up....i have sooo soo much more to update!! like, i am officially obsessed with surfing!!
(and my mom did amazing, looked amazing and made me proud out there!!!)

Friday, March 19, 2010

i am such a kid on friday.

it is friday! you know what, thats all for now.
im tired, its been a long week...the sun is out and i am going home soon.

ill update later this weekend on my lovely commute home the other night and how a dude ever-so-crazily floored his car in reverse to hit me! hahaha...i can laugh about it cause its just that ridiculous.

in the meantime have a GREAT night. happy friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

life must be a woman...cause she can be such a bitch.

ha! that post title cracks me up. totally made that up as i was typing. but you have to admit...its pretty true.

its beginning to feel a lot more like i live in southern cal these days...hot hot hot hot! its tough to sleep with it being so hot (no AC), work in an office that has poor/sometimes no AC (yea, the boys are miserable!!!)...but i love it! loooooooooove it!!

there is not better feeling in the world then driving home after work when it is still bright light out! doesnt it just do something to your mood? that said, i must admit, ive been thinking a lot about dad recently. i mean, like all the time. i feel such a heaviness in my heart sometimes that seeing a girl and her dad together, or hearing a sappy song, or going for a run really bring it into the forefront. he was such a vital part of my life, and i am so thankful we were so close for so long. the open scar i am left with is what i am having a tough time understanding...

ok ok, back to happiness. hope you all are having a good day at work and are going home soon! lord knows im ready! haha...

Thursday, March 11, 2010

couldnt have said it better myself

since i started my blog, i have come across a ton that i love and regularly follow. one of my favorites, runnerskitchen.com, posted this the other day:

"I don’t discuss it much on the blog, but the last 6 months have been rough for me. Some days all I want to do is come home, have a good cry, and watch a Hannah Montana movie. Sometimes that makes me feel better, but other times I know that running is the answer. I was in quite the funk yesterday afternoon, but I still followed through with my plan to do a speed workout on the treadmill.  And I’m so glad I did. For 60 minutes, I wasn’t sad or upset – I was completely focused on the numbers: the length of my intervals, the pace I needed to run, and the miles piling it up. For the past 10 years, running has helped me feel accomplished when nothing else seemed to be going right. It’s given me an outlet for stress and time to think and reflect. Sometimes I really do believe that sweat and tears are the cure for everything".

OMG! this is exactly how i feel. its like i wrote this post (...minus the hanna montana movie...haha!). its true, though. these last 6 months have been really heavy, crazy, stressful, sad, yet fabulous all at once. i moved 3000 miles away from home...with just my one suitcase and no plan. i got myself a job and an apartment. i support myself with a very measly income. i miss my dad. i think its ever daughters right to need her dad for advice, reason and a little indulgence. sometimes i just want him to call and tell me he loves me. tell me it will all be ok. tell me that i am worth it, and that i am good enough. i want to tell him the same. i want to meet up and go running with him. i want to go see a movie with him, and stay up late eating ice cream. i want him to tell me im nuts when i discuss boys. more than anything, i want to tell him how much i love him, and i want to hear how much he loves me. because at the end of the day, he really was proud of me. and i dont think i can ever be as good, strong or confident as i was with him here. i dont feel as though i am a complete person without my dad. its hard to fight the thinking that there isnt a point to any of it (not in a suicidal way...i mean, im crazy, but lets keep it real here...)....haha. i worry that i wont find my "john kelley". i worry that noone will want me. i feel that noone will make me feel the same way my dad did. i will be honest, its really hard being 26 years old and trying to be super strong. its exhausting. as annoying as it sounds, sometimes i really just need my dad to tell me that i am enough. mistakes and all. god dammit. my solution is for my momma to move out here and work (in some capacity) with her. all in all, i am definitely going through a period right now of the blahs...and if my shout out to one of my fave blogs is any indication, im not the only one.

hi JK! i miss you daddio :)

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

10 ways to fix a bad day fast...

its wednesday...that ill fated hump day, so i figured it was a fun time to publish this list. hopefully everyone is having a great day, and even better week, but here are some tips in case thats not true.

*rub your own feet. who needs a whipped boyfriend?

*kiss someone. bonus points if theyer over 83 or under threee

*put on your highest heels - or take those suckers off!
*go into closet. shut door. scream. feel a little silly for screaming in closet. carry on.

*throw caution to the wind and actually smile at a stranger.

*have an orgasm. maybe two.

*catnap, preferably with a cat (or a dog).

*just give up and put your hair in a ponytail.

* stop waiting for _______ to make you happy. youre in charge!

*get off that weird fad diet immediately. its wrecking your day...and metabolism.

this is one bitch i could get behind...

i hope you already know her...and love her, but if not, here is an intro. she is a loud-mouthed, brass tv host who tells it like it is. who is she? wendy williams. she is a bitch, and owns it. she is strong, brash, crass and funny. i recently came across a fun little article of hers in glamour magazine where she details her dos and donts (of pretty much life in general). so here goes:

DO take the time to learn how to hammer a nail and replace a flat. and...

DONT call your ex or your daddy if you dont know how. put on your bug-girl panties and figure it out. or go to ask.com...i do!

DO become an expert at the art of the seven-minute conversation. theyre the reason talk shows are so entertaining - and you may learn some jewels.

DONT share your complete financial pitcure with your man. it is, after all, your money, and if hes good to you, youll share...maybe.

DO believe in the sisterhood, and know that not all women want yout style, your job, your life or your lover.

DONT trust any one person with all your secrets. learn to become your own best friend.

and there you have it. some lifestyle tips from one badass woman. i like them. though i will be honest...as someone who has had a flat tire before...i fully support AAA and do not feel the need to pretend like i can do a better job than these guys. theres a reason we are a part of this incredible, incredible, incredible program. and i make no apologies for it.

any lifestyle tips you particular like? would you add to this list? i have sooo many...so many fun tidbits you pick up along the way.

Friday, March 5, 2010

3 weeks

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wooooooooooooooooooooooooo woooooooooooooooooooooooo wooooooooooooo!

err, excuse me, i think i lost it there for a second.
a minor meltdown. im back now. thank you for sticking around.

basically, my mom will be here in 3 weeks. a full weekend just with momma!
and were going surfing. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok, i think you get it...this post is not going to be subdued. i cant help it.
i am soooo excited. i havent seen my mom since christmas, and its killing me.
and i finally get a day off. phew. i just cant wait to have a sleepover with momma!!
happpppy friday!

Friday, February 26, 2010

edited to add:

this day is outta control. thank god its friday.

today is friday

thank god. sometimes weeks are just long, sometimes they are stressful, sometimes they are annoying and relentless and boring. sometimes all of the above. and sometimes its just fun to look forward to friday cause you get to do things other than work at the office. even if thats getting gas in your car, groceries or watching tv. if you find yourself a little bit frazzled this week, please enjoy the picture below. it brought a smile to my face this morning, and will, no doubt, do the same for you.


GOD, that is just the cutest thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

fact of the day

i would just like to point out that california is scheduled to get snow this weekend. and be 35 degrees. yea.

its cool, if i werent me id want to steal my identity too.

"hello, this is wells fargo. we have been deemed recent activity on y our account to be fraudelent. if you could please call us back, that would be great"

whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!?!?!? yea, i called back immediately. (i dont pick up my phone at work unless its uber important...and yes, calls from mom are uber important, so this call went unanswered. at first. i saw i got a voicemail...hmm, weird number and a message...so i listened. and heard that my account looked fishy). now, if theres one thing about me, its this: i am not that super annoying person who looks at every penny of her statement versus what she records. yes, after having worked at a bank, i will tell you, if this is you, its really annoying. remain extremely on top of what you spend/make. just not to a crazy, obsessive, to-the-penny OCD level.

before all the weird charges even got to my account, they jumped on it. i am super impressed with wells fargo, and will toast with a celebratory glass of wine when my money is returned. long story short, some doofus spent over $500 on yahoo and other small stores. i am able to not get super stressed about it as i know that is how best to handle it, and (hopefully soon), my money will be returned and i will get a new card. while i find it really irritating to have to use checks right now (i wish you all could have seen me writing a check out at the grocery store the other morning. i felt like such a mom!)...thats a small price to pay.

but, the bigger picture issue is this. why do people do this shit?! whats mine is NOT yours, unless i love you. and this little bugger does not fit that criteria. dude, get a job. i have one. that money you are taking...i worked for it. you need to do the same. if you can be a prick enough to get someones ID, you can cook burgers...and fries. apply. or, at least, if you take my identity, buy something cool. haha, just kidding. no, really...KIDDING. leave me alone.

anyway, just another example of crazy shit my friends feel always seems to happen to me. go figure.

it got me thinking though...if you are smart enough to get someones ID, why not try and track down a dude with a lot of money?! they may not notice as much as someone like me, who, doesnt have millions. just sayin...

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

the company you keep says a lot about you...

i LOVE my friends. this past weekend was yet another ridiculous example of why i love my crew. we met up at craigs around 9. not going to lie, i approached the night as though i was going to head home around midnight...get a good sleep and wake up bright-eyed on sunday. haha. ohh sometimes i really can be naiive, huh?!

anyway, got to craigs, we tackled beer. we played violent video games (killing each other in heinous ways), and got a little to nuts with board games. this crew is not afraid to make penis jokes, sex, gross situations, violence or teenage humor a part of the night. (part of what is so god damn funny and made my stomach hurt so bad!). needless to say we got pretty drunk and didnt make it "out out"...but we all had the funniest, most ridiculous time trying to one-up each other at various games. round 2 will come soon. i havent laughed so hard in the longest time. im talking tears-down-your-face laughing. i made it home after 3. at least i think.

AND ITS OFFICIAL! mom is coming march 25. oooo ooooo weee oooooo. it will have been 3 months since i have seen her. EW. and had a day for mommy/daughter stuff. i never get those. holy shit, i cant wait. I CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok, ill keep it in control for now.

i cant wait for summer. i hope its pretty warm when mom comes out here...i know we both want sun. im done with cold and rain. blah blah :) i want some 'kini time!!!

alright folks, i got myself all riled up now...back to work.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

over to the dark side...

well, ive really been brunette for a while now. 2008, i believe is when i started. but i went SUPER dark on saturday. were talking the addition of subtle hints of purple. i blame my hair restlessness on not really knowing where i stand in life. i was having life pangs to go darker. but now i wonder if i like me better with dirty blond/brown hair that looks like it got hit by the sun. the thing is, as ive gotten older, my features (see: eye brows) have really gotten dark. however, i look back fondly at pictures when i was a kid and i was pretty cute. there was a phase there where i really was pretty cute. not sure what happened. wish i could go back there...haha oh man.

happy tuesday all :)

Monday, February 15, 2010

did you feel the love?

ahh yes, valentines day. the day where we feel pressure to wow the pants off those we love. its the greatest day for 10 year olds...you spend the day in school decorating boxes and giving candy to the boys and girls you secretly crush on every day. you give out candy hearts that say exactly what you want to convey. "i heart you" becomes okay to say to the silly little boy you sit across from without feeling shy or vulnerable. i mean, its valentines day, its ok to flirt!

nowadays people have taken the simplicity out of it. you MUST make reservations at the trendiest restaurant, receive the biggest bouquet of flowers, get chocolate, get breakfast in bed, get a diamond, go on vacation, get proposed to, go to the moon and get a puppy. if he doesnt do these things, he doesnt love you right?! no wonder people hate valentines day. its really just a day meant to remind us all to stop for a second and make sure those we love know it. this should be enjoyable.

there is nothing better than getting a well-written, loved up note from family or friends. my dad always did it  best. said everything he wanted to say, and you could always keep it to read later.

this year was hard. being away from my mom. being without my dad. i had a heavy feeling in my heart. i got a knock on my door late afternoon and was handed a beautiful bouqet of assorted flowers. the note read something like this, "just wanted to sweeten your day. i thought about sending snow, but thought this was more appropriate". it was from one of my fondest friends...and earliest loves, the dear richard robinson.

no idea how or why he sent them. he got my address from my mom. quite frankly i was humbled. i mean that really is one of the most thoughtful gestures. what a guy!!! thanks again rr :)

hopefully you all had a fantastic love day. i want you to all know i was thinking about you. i am a very lucky girl to have so many people that i love so dearly, and that love me back.

xoxo

Thursday, February 11, 2010

more of the good stuff...

i had more "hey, its ok!" jonesing in my arsenal, so here goes:

...to successfully match your underwear about, oh, once a month. at most.

...if you dont own a cook book by nigella, jamie, gordon or delia.

...to buy a heavy-duty sunday paper but only read the magazine.

...if your winter wardrobe is pretty much your summer wardrobe, plus a few cardigans.

...if you and your man dont have pet names - or a song.

...if you put far more effort into making a gym playlist than youll ever put into a workout.

...to have a selection of vitamins on your desk that havent been touched since september.

...if that romantic bath for two only lasted an uncomfortable two minutes.


there you have it. happy thursday. tgit!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

here is your daily dose of "hey, its ok!"

this is a great wednesday post. no intense thinking or emotions. just a funny fluff post. enjoy :)

hey, its ok!...

...to halfway contemplate buying yourself a pair of footy pajamas.

...and to sit out the harem pants trend. one day it will die, and until then, sienna miller is welcome to them.

...if you dont want the life story of every item on the menu - where it was grown, what it had to eat, etc. just the specials, please.

...to watch to gabba gabba for stress relief.

...to refuse to let your 16-year old cousin drive you.

...to do a little internet cheating - er, research - before book club.

...if taylor swifts songs of teenage angst speak directly to your adult life. sigh.