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Showing posts from 2010

hey, its ok...

* to move across the country - or around the world - for love.
its also OK to make him move. youre worth it.

* to never trust a man in silk boxers.

* to buy yourself a Christmas present. wrapping and
putting it under the tree is one step too far, though.

* to not be careful what you wish for.
if you get it, dive right in.

* to cancel plans because The Muppet Christmas Carol is on.
you dont turn your back on the golden oldies, thank you very much.

* to google your own name. you know, just to see.

* if your mom still gives you a Christmas stocking (even if you do ask her to).

* to stare unashamedly at a hot girl - then get annoyed if your boyfriend does.


happy holidays!

kinda had a lot to say, but have been attempting this post for about 3 hours (between errands, interviews and work). so, ill try back later. haha

taking a look back

i was scrolling back through my blog today. i am really excited that i will be able to reread my life over the past few years thanks to my lil bloggie. ive always been pretty obsessed with writing in journals (i think i have about 45 of them), and this is a fun new way to do that. granted, i think written journals are the way to go, as thats where you should keep your secret thoughts and stuff. online is just not the place for that.

i credit aunt martha with giving me the idea to start this blog...something i excitedly began in august 2008. its been a little over two years, and im still in love with it. its grown and changed with me as i have gone through a lot over the past 2+ years.

cant wait to see where life goes these next few year s (and beyond!)


a rarity: a to-dont list

december is typically a pretty frantic month. holiday shopping, baking, work, socializing, eating a lot, and doing all the normal life things that need to be done. needless to say, you probably dont need more items to add to your to-do list. fret not, as i am happy to share with you some things you dont need to worry about this month (courtesy of our friends at health magazine).

* feeling bad about exchanging that present you totally hate. thats what gift receipts are for!

* bird poop facials - actually offered at some spas. no matter how radiant your skin might look afterward, its still bird poop, and its still on your face! theres no shame in staying with the core spa menu, like a nice Swedish massage.

* sticking to your diet at Christmas dinner. OK, so you shouldnt do a face-plant in the sweet potato casserole and eat your way out, but its one day, people. we say eat what you like and get back to normal when the world isnt awash in rum-soaked cake.

* getting glam for the gym. even kell…


a couple lil jokes to brighten your day...

two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. one starts to insult the other one. he screams, "i slept with your mother!" the bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. the first again yells, "i slept with your mother!" the other weasel says, "go home, dad, youre drunk."

a chicken and an egg are lying in bed. the chicken is smoking a cigarette with a very satisfied smile. the egg is frowning and looking frustrated. the egg says, "guess we answered that question."

HA! happy monday.

how do you mourn?

when i lost my dad, i felt pretty numb. despite having SO much thought going on in my head, i didnt have anywhere to go with it since i wasnt ready to talk about anything. those first few months had nothing to do with mourning or sadness or loss. i was so numb i didnt feel anything. i knew all those feelings were there, but i wasnt able to actually feel them. any time i tried to talk about anything, id sob. i sobbed in a hospice group therapy meeting, with ali, and on my own. ali told me she was ready to talk anytime i was...she patiently sat with me through tears, laughs, and fear. she still does :)

after the initial period of despair, loss and numbness came a "what the FUCK just happened?!!" head space. i was so confused and sad at everything that i didnt know how to process anything. or how to function properly. i didnt feel social...having fun felt wrong. the light that i had in my eyes just faded away. tears flooded my body.

to cope, i decided to go against everything t…

its that time of year again...

for new years resolutions! are you thinking about yours?!

i havent officially figured out what mine is going to be, but i think im going to be pretty lax about it. i just want to live my life the way i am, continue to love and play with my friends and family, and laugh...A LOT. i feel like im rediscovering myself, and coming through the tunnel that we went through. gone is the jet black (or super dark violet, rather) hair, and dark nail polish. back are my highlights and fresh nails. im meeting tons of people and having a ball.

aside from the job market being a complete shit show, im loving life. i love new york. im incredibly proud that despite some pretty rough times, i have been able to overcome fear and live life the way i need to. i have lived and thrived all over the USA and am damn proud of that. i have amazing friends! we laugh through the tears and fears of life, cry through the same, and dance when needed. we bond over being broke, but happy, and thrilled we all know each ot…


hard to believe we are coming up on 2011. hilariously enough, i distinctly remember my crew and i celebrating the millennium...which DOES NOT feel like over a decade ago! whaaaaaat?!

a lot has happened this year. good, bad, indifferent. im in a good place.

ok, serious ADD has kicked in...ill be back later :) xoxo

happy december

WOW! december 1st.

its funny, ive been doing a lot of comparisons in my head these past few months...comparing what ive been up to here in new york versus what i was doing this same time last year in los angeles. with me starting the years relatively during the same time, i see it happening a lot this year.

moving to new york, which has proven to have its own challenges for sure, was a great decision. i am 3 blocks from my best friend, and in a city with a lot of my favorite people. (and a few hours in any direction from a lot more).

my life/time in LA has a special place in my life and heart. i made the decision to move to LA to find some closure on some things, get away from others, and prove something to myself. even though i know i succeeded in this, i still struggle with feeling good enough. little by little, we are working on this (i have informally hired ali and ryan to coach me with life)...our stories, advice and date nights are ABSURD and i love every second of it. i am real…

57 years young.

on top of thanksgiving, we are celebrating moms 57th birthday! as to couple together both thanksgiving traditions and her birthday fun, we are having birthday cake for dessert. i am PSYCHED cause i hate pie, and love cake. yay, thanks mom :) haha.


a day of thanks.

i am thankful for a lot of things. my health, my family and friends. ice cream, chocolate and salsa. peanut butter, laughter, and tears. a good hug, story and hand shake. drops of rain, a warm jacket and christmas lights. pictures of my dad. volunteering. movies. popcorn. this list could go on forever....

see, i think a well rounded way of looking at things is to appreciate it all. i wont lie and say i dont like getting gifts every now and again, or enjoy a glass of wine out with friends. i think those things are just as important as family dinners and deep thoughts. 

sometimes im thankful i have such amazing friends to get drunk with and wear high heels. sometimes im thankful to be approached my a cute boy who makes me forget my long day and we enjoy a fun subway ride. sometimes i am thankful i have an ipod so i dont have to talk to anyone. sometimes its my health and happiness. sometimes its helping an elderly man across the street, or on/off the subway. sometimes its helping a pre…

never underestimate the power of something.

the heading may seem pretty vague, but i think its true. i watched a video the other day on a woman who was suffering from CJD. it was a link posted on facebook on the CJD "causes" page. i thought i was strong enough to watch it. though i feel overly fragile in all matters that deal with CJD, i had my mind convinced id be able to handle this video. i mean, pretending life is all rainbows and butterflies is worse, so educating myself on the cause is something i want to continue to do regardless of how hard it is.

well, i wasnt ready. apparently not by a long shot. the video flooded back all these memories that i had put inside a little box in my mind. a box that i had mentally locked and hid the key.

since then (2 days ago) i have just thought a lot about some things that are frustrating me. i feel helpless and weak and desperate for my dad. he made me feel secure and always promised me id always be ok. he assured me that my fear of one day living on the streets (from the dif…

a few things i am thankful for.

there is no shortage of things in my life that i am thankful for, including friends and family, food, movies, music and holiday decorations. i love the simple things the world has to offer...a really good laugh, a warm cookie, and a crush on a cute boy.

the holidays serve as a hefty reminder that i am, however, without one of the most special guys in my life. i hope that i get to a point in life where i am not so worried. i worry about money, safety, and being loved. i worry about the hole that is left in my life. i just dont know how i plan on figuring it out.

i am looking forward to spending a few days with my mom, gamma, and thad (hi thad!). it will be so special.



so im 27. im cool with that. had some funny experiences happen yesterday, which ali sums up as "you know, weird, hilarious and crazy stuff happens...always when im with you". well, B, youre welcome. haha, just kidding. its true though, i always experience weird moments.

i think im going to write another book. i havent decided what i want to write about yet, so i thought id reach out to the blogosphere and get some input. thanks!

its the birthday weekend

woo woo!! cant believe its already mid november. crazy to think that 2 years ago i spent my birthday in lancaster, last year was in LA and this year i am in NYC.

my weekend/next week is pretty busy with nights out, brunches and dinners, drinks and game nights. kinda fabulous that my friends and i just LOVE being together.

ok, well off to get ready for some festivities. XOXO

on a lighter note...

a little happiness and lightheartedness from the lovelies at glamour magazine.

please enjoy their list of silver linings of life's lowest moments:

* your bag was stolen, giving you the best excuse ever to buy a new, even nicer bag. joke's on you, robber man!

* after three weeks on crutches, your triceps will be ripped.

* two days of stomach flu = hey! take those jeans out of the giveaway bag...they fit again!

* maybe the fireman will be hot.

* an outdoor wedding in the rain makes for very cinematic pictures.

* if someone steals your identity, that means they have to take on your credit card debt, right? right?

* well, at least you know the airbags work.

* now they can see that, besides being brilliant and beautiful, at heart you're just a regular person with a temper.

* having a pimple makes you look younger.

* the baby. the baby is the silver lining even though you just got a millionstitches down there.

happy international cjd day!

yea i know, not much of a celebratory day, huh? but it is so important to say prayers of remembrance for those we have lost; prayers of honor for those in the midst of their battle; prayers of strength for all those caring for a loved one; prayers of peace for all those who mourn. we need a cure! i had gotten word that drew was planning to get blood tested in may, and find out if he is carrying the gene.

over thanksgiving, i am planning to have my blood tested and sent to case western. i havent decided if im ultimately going to find out the results (there are countless reasons for why i should or shouldnt), but i think its good to get it tested, regardless. 

heres to finding a cure!!
(updates to come on my blood work...if i get the results!)


well hello there fall.

a bunch of us got together last night at shake shack to kick back and hang out.
flick and i met up at columbus circle (59th street) and walked the 20+ blocks to shake shack (86th street) was beautiful, busy, fun, and COLD! nothing beats walking the streets of new york with your best friend, but i will say, its getting chilly. not chilly enough for a late-night stop at pinkberry, though.

AND, coolest thing ever...i am currently watching my first ever DVRd show. yes, i officially am a part of the 21st century. i know how to DVR. woo woo!! i love you craig ferguson!!!!!!!!!

god, i love craig ferguson. LOOOOOVE!!!! in your pants!

officially november.


i wanted to start the month by sharing my horoscope. its my birthday month, so it seemed fitting.

Today's Scorpio HoroscopeNovember 1, 2010A lovely day for attracting positive energy into your life is in store, Scorpio. You can find yourself naturally drawn to pleasing social situations, and your manner is especially warm and appealing. It's a great time for attracting or enhancing a relationship. A partner has something to say, and it's important that you listen carefully.
 Creativity: Good ~ Love: ~ Business: Good

i could get used to that. all good. lets hope good things are on the way :)
happy november :)

tomorrow is november

holy shit. tomorrow is november. 2 weeks until my birthday. i will be turning 25 (again!?)...haha!!

nah, just kidding, ill be 27 years young. pretty hard to believe. seeing all these little trick-or-treaters brings me back to when i was 6. and, well, last year. im lucky my friends and i havent outgrown the simplicities in life. everyone likes candy...and halloween allows us to binge on a bunch, and not feel bad about it. you can never outgrow sugar highs, chocolate bars and anything rainbow-colored. no sir.

in talking with my mom, i most definitely dont look at kids and wish to be that. i like getting older...i like being able to state my opinion, and make decisions. i like being a contributing member of society. life in your 20s is a mish-mash of confusion, hormones, stubbornness, fear, and all-around angst. though i am not going to miss this, i do know that it is part of the journey.

im excited for that next chapter...the boyfriend (i know, i know, who am i!?!), and settling down a …

happy halloween!

its that time of year again! halloween is such a funny, crazy holiday. we went out last night, and the sight on the subway was RIDICULOUS. there was a unicorn, 2 girls that were pieces of bread (they kept sandwiching was sooooooooooooooooo funny!!), a zombie, etc. i love how people get into it...what an absurd day, right??

the one thing i cant get comfortable with is masks. to get to the party we were going to, we had to walk a little ways down a pretty dark street. coming toward us was a dude walking alone in all black with the most terrifying mask on that i have ever seen. im typically not ok with those. otherwise, i think its hilarious.

anyway, i ended up being a cat and ali was alice (in wonderland). i took a pic of us getting ready.

ali and i had gotten together earlier in the day to costume shop. note to self: costume shopping the day before halloween SUCKS. haha. we stood outside the shop for 20 minutes like we were in line to get into a bar in college. they were on …

the charms of my apt keep showing themselves

i thought today would be a great time to turn on the heat and make sure it works. there a little nob on the side of this heater, so i turned it. nothing happened. i kept turning it...and it came off! haha.

ok so i tried twisting it back the opposite direction and reattached the knob. waited a few minutes and kept checking the unit. it didnt get warm.

i was confused and feeling defeated. i went to the bathroom (silly deets i know, sorry) and lo and behold...the heat comes out of a pole in the bathroom! HAHAHA.

so, yea. my heat is in the bathroom. not really sure why theres a heat unit in the main doesnt do anything!

happy lil are a weird little thing. kinda like your owner, so ill go with it :)

11 days

moved in 11 days ago. crazy!! it honestly feels as though it has gone super fast, but i know how much i have been through in the past 11 days. my emotions have been all over the place. ive done a lot of thinking (thank YOU no cable and internet)....haha.

its feeling a lot more like home now. mom was here last weekend and gave it her touch. YESS! thanks mom!! you are THE BEST, as we know. i now have cable and internet, and pics and paintings are hung. i have a few more things im planning to do, but a home is a process...and im in no hurry to "finish".

friends have seen it, mom has been here, and a housewarming party is being planned. flick and i get together all the time (living 3 blocks from your best bud is pretty great) and i pretty much fall in love with every cute boy i pass on the street, subway, or grocery store (what else is new!).

life is a process. its hard, its fun, its hurtful, its funny, its honest. all of it, all the bad, all the good, all the ugly and all the b…

just sayin'...

if you havent already heard it, please download and play "empire state of mind" by alicia keys featuring jay-z. in it, jay-z sings a line about "560 state street....": this is my street! i got a shout-out!

strictly out of curiosity, ali and i walked down my street a few blocks to see exactly where this building was. when jay-z lived in brooklyn, namely 560 state street, he was selling a lot of drugs and such. we walked by, and its a relatively nice place. just so funny you know!

basically, im just sayin', big things seem to happen on state street. hope its an omen to my life!

time to ramble

i found myself homesick last night. i had gotten home from running errands, spending a few hours with ali before she caught the train home for a week and grabbing a movie (without cable and internet, i am not in a huge hurry to get home) and began unwrapping my last box. it was picture frames. frame after frame of my family, my dad. i got teary. there are just some times that i get to thinking about life and how much id like to see my dad, talk to him and ask for his guidance. my dad had a way of making me feel smart, funny and beautiful even when i didnt feel it for myself. he had a complicated daughter (arent we all?!) and he just handled me, and everything in life, with such grace and ease. i would give anything to have him visit me in brooklyn, laugh at a joke, go run with me, help me land a boyfriend, loosen up about myself, and see that maybe one day things will fall into place. but he cant do that. i get a sense of ease when i pray at night and think about him, but i cant help …


so here i am, sitting in my neighborhood starbucks blogging since i wont be getting cable for a few more days and i needed to blog. that, and well, escape unpacking and doing things within my apt for a while. i will do more of that tonight, and wanted to use my daylight hours for other things) haha.

ok, its happening again. im job hunting and doing other work instead of blogging.

this will get better, i swear! thanks for bearing with me...i know my lil bloggie hasnt been that exciting.

more updates to come. XOXO

hi there bloggie!

where did september go?! haha, i dont think i blogged in that entire month. good god! i have been doing so many things in so many places, i just needed a break i guess, sometimes in order to live life the way you want to, or should, you cant help but not have time to write it all down. this post itself has taken me 5 days...ive written a little, and stopped to take care of other things.

i want to wrap up this post and do another one, so here is a pic of my apt. shes pretty small, but perfect for my first new york apartment. apt hunting here is one thing that will never escape my mind. one of my bfs summed it up best, "usually after we experience immense pain, enough time can erase it. take childbirth. its crazy, but people forget and have another. the pain and misery of apartment hunting lasts forever" haha. i thought it was perfectly fitting, and funny.
please note that there are tons to come (mom is visiting this weekend, and we will share tons!), but i want you all to see …

hkpa blog 2.0

as you may notice, i changed my lil bloggie a bit. as i find myself amidst a move of 3000 miles, i figure my blog should change right along with me.

im heading to the city tomorrow for a few days of what i refer to as "spending the day getting lost". its how i got to know LA, and its how i anticipate getting to know NYC. its the best way for me to learn a big city. ill head back to lanc on friday to spend labor day weekend here, and head back to new york to continue apt hunting next week (noone was available to show us apts this week as its a holiday).

im off to get my car.

hello lanc!

i am back in the land of the amish! i landed friday morning after a red eye home and have been exhausted ever since (doesnt help when you party until 4am with friends, i know...) but all worth it! i have some hilarious stories i will be sure to share...stay tuned!

since i landed, i have had the most overwhelming emotions. i have felt ready to cry, and even want to leave. it wasnt until last night when all my best friends got together to party that i felt safe. my life is in a bit of a limbo right now. im living my life and believe 100% in myself, and just know that i am going to figure it out, but moving across the country definitely does not come without its issues. i cant help but feel in my moms way, and desperately want an apt of my own. ill elaborate, but we are jetting to a movie

i will do some serious posting later with necessary updates and details, but until then, heres a sneak peak at flicks engagement party...we took tons of pics!

saturday the 14th

that just doesnt have quite the same ring as friday the 13th, eh? oh well, itll have to do.

so here i am on a saturday morning after a really, really late night out, drinking a latte and eating popchips. why is it that i cant sleep worth shit on days that i can (it is saturday, afterall), but am desperate for sleep during the week, when i have to get up. grr. just one of the many ironies of life i suppose.

12 days until moving day. its going to suck going a few days without cable or internet, but hey, a girl can survive right?! im going out for a celebratory dinner tonight with the armies. so excited.
(so i moved out here a year ago...and was in such better shape. 15 pounds lighter, kinda strict, etc. life just got in my apologies. except, my clothes dont fit. haha.)

id like to think dad is up there smiling down on me. if he is proud, nothing else matters. id like to think i am getting to a point where i believe someone will love me for me. i tend to "run" so-to-spe…

today is a very special day.


my dad is 57 today. i think one of the entertaining things about life is how perception changes. take age, for example. when you are 7 or so, your babysitter seems so old! at 16, or 18 (of if you were me, 14) you were still a baby yourself. just for the record, i cant believe so many families let me babysit their kids at such a young age. haha. oh, memories.

then, you turn 16. you think youre so mature, so cool. so ready for cell phones, dates, the mall, cars. you think youre parents are lame. you know it all. anything you do is cool. you need all the coolest clothes. (this being abercrombie and gap). you want to drive to concerts with your buds, drink, smoke maybe, etc. basically, just drive the world crazy.

being a college freshmen sounds so young. turning 21 seems crazy mature. 25 even more so. at 26, i feel good about where i am, but it sounds "old". i look at my brother, who, at 30, seems super young. i mean that in the sense that 30 seems younger t…

celebrity running

check out this link to find out what kind of celebrity runner you are.

i am...
hilary's Result:Oprah Winfrey on quiz: What type of celebrity runner are you?

We all have to credit Oprah for making the marathon mainstream.  In 1994, she said she would finish a marathon before she turned 40.  She finished the Marine Corps marathon in 4:29:20. Quiz MakerTake this quiz & get your result What type of celebrity runner are you? » fun quizzes

haha. this quiz was ridiculous. absolutely ridiculous. i run for a lot of reasons and have my habits. this quiz does not reflect any of that. sheer entertainment though. kudos to the crazy that thought of these questions.

just a few things on my mind

1. i dont get why its called twitter. what the hell is "twitter". im not judging the fact that people do it, but where the hell did the word come from. i cant be the only one who thinks this... 2. family and friends really are all that matter. a fun job, a cool apt and tons of money are all extras. 3. if you cant tone it, tan it! :) 4. dear chelsea handler: you used to be funny. i liked you. i watched your show. what the hell has happened. i find your show rather boring these days, or at least the one time i have seen it within the last few weeks.  5. i dont find twilight intriguing or any other vampire show on tv. just dont. 6. yes i am still boy crazy. i hope i never lose that. i am able to balance it with real relationships, but silly little crushes are super fun. 7. monogamy is possible, if you want it to be. (i hope by saying this its true) haha. 8. i have a lot of friends that are on eharmony. some are dating or in relationships. kinda makes me weary of #7. haha. 9. i think i …

what a year

this past year has kinda come full circle. i flew to california with a one way ticket, and ill be flying to pennsylvania with the same. as much as i love warm weather (and hate you snow!) i am really psyched to head back east. my childhood and life are back there. i think i can suck it up and put on a coat. haha.

more updates to come...

a little glamour entertainment

glamour mag has supplied me with a lil reading entertainment many times over the years. here for your enjoyment, are their top ten apps they wish were made: (feel free to share your ideas for apps. i know i have tons!)

iHouseboy: he scrubs the tub and muddles a mean mojito

make these shoes comfy: wave phone and strut

no way youll be at work today: creates and sends genius excuses

gaga-fy: pass it over any outfit and fabulize (that one seems a bit scary to me. i dont want to look anything like her. no offense to her, it just would not work. haha)

bad-date exit strategy: calls you mid-salad, just in case!

red alert: provides a one-hour warning that your period is on its way (how cool would that be. the word cool being used in context here. obviously your period is never cool, but this warning is fabulous!)

insta-puppy: gives you an adorable temporary pooch anytime a cute guy is within sight

the decode-me: translates the actual hidden agendas of passive-aggressive people

eyes in the back…

its official!

im engaged! haha just kidding. that will be a fun announcement though, huh?!

haha ok, but really, i have a move date. i will be leaving LA and returning to my roots august 26th. just in time for one of the best parties of the summer: alis engagement party!

i cant believe this year has come full circle. although drew and i will not be ending the year by running the san fran half marathon this year, we are planning to run one in north carolina in november. (and if you can believe it, there is a half marathon in lancaster called the "amish country half" that i kinda want to check out. not sure of the crowd on that one....haha, ill stop my judging here. :)

anyway, the LA to NYC is on. officially 37 days and counting......

its dads birthday in one week. thats hard. i really find it so strange that he is no longer here. it is definitely something that i am always going to struggle with. death is something that is so beyond my thinking. i remember dad always struggling with how he …

big day

gamma had surgery today. been a long day of updates and scary texts. she is officially done with the op and mom, uncle andy and uncle dwight are waiting to see her. cant wait to get the call that she is fabulous (ill prob be back east by then, as recovery is estimated at 4-6 weeks).

on another note, the moving guy came to my apt today to take note of everything i am packing. after he left, i went and got some boxes so that i can start packing my stuff (my mom said i could just leave it for the movers, but i asked him today and he told me that fore every box they pack its $58). um, no thanks. i can pack my own stuff. and really, id rather do that.

more updates later! love you

you know youre growing up when...

your friends start to get engaged. what the hell. when did this happen?! i guess despite all the promises to never grow up that my grandmother always used to make me promise just cant happen. the ultimate is going to be when i finally meet a guy that i love for more than 5 minutes and get engaged then we will know the world really has lost its shit.

ive got one of my best friends engagement parties in about 6 weeks. cant wait. im trying to figure out the most creative, funny, yet amazingly perfect gift. i mean this is a girl i have known since i was like 3. maybe 5. and i cant pretend that i am not super excited to meet her fiances friends...well, ive met most, but his new friends. from law school. ali thinks ill find HIM. considering the last guy i really liked (no, aussie stud doesnt count. nor does the adorbs dude i met out at a dance club. both lovely, both fun. neither are long terms if you know what i mean) sucked ass, things are looking up. i have crushes every 5 minutes...just…

sorry bloggie!

i dont really have a great reason/excuse as to why i wasnt blogging except for the fact that i wasnt really feeling it these past few weeks. a little time off is always necessary in life no matter what we do though, no?! so i guess thats what ill call it.

july 4th is this weekend and i cant believe it. i moved out here 11 months ago. that is nuts!! with one month to go on my lease, i am in serious thinking mode about my next step. so far its involved lots of tears, lots of stress, lots of chocolate and and lots of late night amazing convos with my besties. yep, pretty much the norm :) thanks guys for all the support (team hilary is incredible and i couldnt survive without you). xoxo

thanks mom

…for always being my number one fan.  from cheering me on at intramural soccer games, to letting me join you in aerobic classes, to driving us all over the northeast playing select soccer you never missed a chance to tell me you were proud of me. …for teaching me to to be independent and adventurous.  i know it sucks that i keep moving around the country and always seem to be living 3,000 miles away, swinging through town only for whirlwind holiday visits or quick weekends.  know that home is always in my heart, even if we don’t see each other nearly as much as we should. (that is going to change. ha!) …for reading my blog.  and commenting.    i have had several people mention how cool it is that you do that.  thanks for being a member of my little community here. ...for being my mom. i know its not easy being a mom to a growing women. we are complicated (understatement?!), but i just want you to know that its really special to me that you support me no matter what i decide.  ...for helpi…

hey, its ok! laugh so loudly that everyone stares (mom, we got this one down!) spend a whole happy hour making up names for that band you all are totally going to start one day.

...if the erotic appeal of toe-sucking utterly baffles you. not have the kind of dad who plays golf, wears ties, and serves as your personal ATM. (hear that, gretting card people?!)

...if you  have a "type". the heart wants what it wants. and the loins. they want what they want too. tell him youll need more than a drawer at his place. please: counter space in the bathroom, room in the closet, and a spot for your soymilk. lets me real. have a couple of holdover phrases from high school that you can get rid of. sweet!

10 things that never cross a mans mind

* i know! ill write an actual letter explaining how i feel.

* man, i am so in the mood for a sweet little romantic gerard butler comedy.

* if i want us to date for two years and have time together before three kids, with the last one born by 38...god, i need to meet the love of my life tonight.

* i really gotta replace these undies.

* oh, wow, babe, this teapot would be perfect to put away for your mom for next christmas.

* darn this huge penis.

* im boycotting sex until she apologizes.

* two pounds up? no beer for a month!

* no, no, its ok, boss, you dont have to pay me well.

* if you like it, you should put a ring on it!

HAHAHA! had to share this, i just loved it!!!

am i ready to head back to the snow?!

as you may or may not know, i am contemplating a move back east.
this decision is being fueled by a lot of things. here is a little walk through my head: (seatbelts on!!)

* my best friends are in nyc and have wanted me there for way too long
* i love nyc
* i love the east coast
* id have a roomie (and i think i need one...i think its make my life so much more fun!)
* id be a train ride from mom, and drew for that matter
* lets face it, i will find a job. i found a job, an apt, and got my car in 4 days in LA. i think i can do it....

of course there are cons to every pro, and i am able to recognize that. i know it wont be easy or simple, but when in life have i chosen that route?! haha. i work hard. i can survive anything. ive hit bottom in terms of fragility and have been able to work my way through it. im pretty sure nothing, noone and no city can hit me as hard as losing my dad. and for that, i feel prepared for any and all bullshit. look, if i can handle working for dov charney at A…

happy mothers day!!

Mom, I love you. Thanks for always putting up with me throughout all the hysterical phone calls, tears, sore throats, homesickness, tummy aches, spontaneous business ideas and sheer hilary-isms. I am proud to be your daughter. Even more than that, I am lucky to be your daughter. These past 10 months have been excruciating being away from you, but have taught me things I needed to find. I know who I am and I know what I want. I know what I am capable of, and I know how to push myself, and when to loosen up. I have gotten clarity (read: clarity, not understanding, haha!) on our situation...I still dont get it, but I am learning to channel dad when I need to because of everything he was able to give me before he was taken. You are my best friend and I cant wait for our next the same tiem zone. Happy mothers day to the greatest mom there is. Youre the best, I love you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xoxo

i blame my hormones

i cant quench my hunger for chocolate! 2 chocolate drizzled pita sandwiches, chocolate covered pretzles, a chocolate protein bar, countless nips candies and so on. yum yum! i think im hormonal. that and work has been sucking like crazy. (i swear i had real meals today too...those were just some chocolatey extras!), ps, the boy!? he sucks. im over it. thank you, that is all :)

haha! happy thursday. this little chub is going to continue drowning her emotions in chocolate. yea, its healthy. its getting me through this week. bye bye!

confessions of a blogger

i still love the backstreet boys. they just came out with a new album, and i love it.

i am in love. at least in hilary world. hes a lucky SOB isnt he?! haha, just kidding.

i am having a ball creating a life here in LA. its so great meeting good people. makes it all worth it when you seem to meet a lot of not-so-good people (nicest way to say it).

i like to hike in the middle on nowhere with great people. the best adventures always happen that way.

i want my dad back.

i saw the hugest penis today from a tiny little bishon. he was dry humping a  lab, and it was huge. we all joked that he had the dick of a black man (please excuse the language). it was the funniest thing i have ever seen. took 20 minutes just to go back in. too much information, i know, but this was truly the most hilariously, amazingly ridiculous thing i have seen in a long time! OMG! wish we had taken a picture.

i love bbq-ing with friends. i have high hopes for the summer :)

really wants this boy to work out. (he has …

signs it wasnt you - it was him

* having sunday lunch at your mothres house, when asked if he wanted custard or cream with his dessert, he threw his napkin in the air and cried, "i dont know! i have to make that sort of commitment now?! stop crowding me. i cant breathe. i cant breathe. GIVE ME AIR!"

* he changed his facebook status to single because the eggs you boiled for his breakfast-in-bed treat were too rubbery and the bacon wasnt crispy enough

* he forgot your birthday. even though its the same day as jesus's. which is christmas day. noone forgets.

* you bought his a mug with "hot stuff" on it. he bought you a mug with "mug" on it.

* you 'made love' to him. he 'nailed' you. (ha, gross).

* he used your new iphone as a coaster for his beer (um, idiot?!)

* he kept cracking "jokes" about threesomes when he first met your friends.

mind you, i find these utterly hilarious, and quite frankly, absurd. however, delightfully entertaining.

10 things to say to your mom (after happy mothers day, of course)

in honor of mothers day coming up in about 3 weeks, i thought this post was appropriate:

1. thanks for the orthodontia

2. the card is in the mail. sorry its late, and yes, im still a procrastinator in spite of everything you did to help with that

3. sure, i cried every morning at day care, but im so proud of your career

4. the clothes you wore in the eighties - where are they? and dont be hurt when i call them vintage

5. my sex life is satisfying and safe, and you dont need details

6. im moving back in! haha, just kidding

7.  the crazy rules i fought at age 16? thanks for sticking by them

8. ...oh, and a general apology for that whole year. ok, decade

9. its all your fault i just spent $100 on organizing bins at the container store

10. and hey, mom, hows your crazy week going?

mom, i love you so much. you deserve more than one day a year. thank you for being my mom. i am such a lucky, lucky girl. xoxo

hey, its ok!

...for your "secret ingredient" to be ketchup

...that you have a posh phone voice still be obsessed with lightning bugs aged 30

...for facebook de-tagging to take priority over, oh, everything

...if you dont always return clothes to the rail you picked them up from google yourself. and be a bit dissapointed go to the gym only to sit gossiping in the sauna. your pores are now immaculate

...for your wardrobe to have an identity crisis in this weird "is it winter or is it spring" weather confusion have sex that only lasts as long as the ad break

hey, its ok! spend twice as much for the coca-cola in the little old-fashioned bottle. consider driving with the windows down an effective hair-drying method. actually use the coupons your mom sends you. take great pleasure in telling guys to "man up." (because we women? we "up" everday). secretly care if your name comes first in the CC list on a group email. not that it matters, right? right?! to bummed its almost toenail maintenance season. (not me! i loooove pedicures!!!!) never really know what to do with a name tag. if youre wearing strapless, does it go on your skin? like fruit after a meal but be clear that its not dessert. pie is dessert. cake is dessert. kiwis are not.

hi bloggies!

its been a while since i blogged. while i absolutely loooooove to blog, life has gotten a bit in the way. please excuse this somewhat wallowing, sad, frustrated and blah post. i just seem to have hitten that proverbial wall.
after spending 12 straight days in the office (yes, easter sunday was spent at work), i am feeling a bit low. life has been feeling especially heavy lately. just seems i am doing an awful lot of struggling and not getting anywhere.

ok ok enough of this. i want to post something happy. i think its time for "hey, its ok!"

happy april fools day!

it totally has nothing to do with my post, but i wanted to wish you all a very happy day filled with pranks :)

so, its back to reality. mom came and went. of course it was the fastest 3 days ever. we literally apartment hopped, ate, drank and surfed our way throughout the state. if its true what they say about "you are what you eat" then i am most definitely frozen yogurt, candy, grilled cheese and pizza. i know dad, i know! but, it was a treat weekend...hehe. we did eat a lot of salads and baked potatoes, berries (and cool whip) too, so there was somewhat of a balance. ha!
it was such fun going around to different places to see if mom could see herself living in them.
correction: it.was.horrendous

we started off the way i initially did when i came to LA: apartment complexes. i wont bad mouth them on the whole, as i know they are fabulous for a lot of people. but they arent for the kelleys it seems. moving on...

we hit marina del ray, newport beach, balboa island, laguna bea…

i am such a kid on friday.

it is friday! you know what, thats all for now.
im tired, its been a long week...the sun is out and i am going home soon.

ill update later this weekend on my lovely commute home the other night and how a dude ever-so-crazily floored his car in reverse to hit me! hahaha...i can laugh about it cause its just that ridiculous.

in the meantime have a GREAT night. happy friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

life must be a woman...cause she can be such a bitch.

ha! that post title cracks me up. totally made that up as i was typing. but you have to admit...its pretty true.

its beginning to feel a lot more like i live in southern cal these hot hot hot! its tough to sleep with it being so hot (no AC), work in an office that has poor/sometimes no AC (yea, the boys are miserable!!!)...but i love it! loooooooooove it!!

there is not better feeling in the world then driving home after work when it is still bright light out! doesnt it just do something to your mood? that said, i must admit, ive been thinking a lot about dad recently. i mean, like all the time. i feel such a heaviness in my heart sometimes that seeing a girl and her dad together, or hearing a sappy song, or going for a run really bring it into the forefront. he was such a vital part of my life, and i am so thankful we were so close for so long. the open scar i am left with is what i am having a tough time understanding...

ok ok, back to happiness. hope you all are having a…

couldnt have said it better myself

since i started my blog, i have come across a ton that i love and regularly follow. one of my favorites,, posted this the other day:

"I don’t discuss it much on the blog, but the last 6 months have been rough for me. Some days all I want to do is come home, have a good cry, and watch a Hannah Montana movie. Sometimes that makes me feel better, but other times I know that running is the answer. I was in quite the funk yesterday afternoon, but I still followed through with my plan to do a speed workout on the treadmill.  And I’m so glad I did. For 60 minutes, I wasn’t sad or upset – I was completely focused on the numbers: the length of my intervals, the pace I needed to run, and the miles piling it up. For the past 10 years, running has helped me feel accomplished when nothing else seemed to be going right. It’s given me an outlet for stress and time to think and reflect. Sometimes I really do believe that sweat and tears are the cure for everything".

OMG! …

10 ways to fix a bad day fast...

its wednesday...that ill fated hump day, so i figured it was a fun time to publish this list. hopefully everyone is having a great day, and even better week, but here are some tips in case thats not true.

*rub your own feet. who needs a whipped boyfriend?

*kiss someone. bonus points if theyer over 83 or under threee

*put on your highest heels - or take those suckers off!
*go into closet. shut door. scream. feel a little silly for screaming in closet. carry on.

*throw caution to the wind and actually smile at a stranger.

*have an orgasm. maybe two.

*catnap, preferably with a cat (or a dog).

*just give up and put your hair in a ponytail.

* stop waiting for _______ to make you happy. youre in charge!

*get off that weird fad diet immediately. its wrecking your day...and metabolism.

this is one bitch i could get behind...

i hope you already know her...and love her, but if not, here is an intro. she is a loud-mouthed, brass tv host who tells it like it is. who is she? wendy williams. she is a bitch, and owns it. she is strong, brash, crass and funny. i recently came across a fun little article of hers in glamour magazine where she details her dos and donts (of pretty much life in general). so here goes:

DO take the time to learn how to hammer a nail and replace a flat. and...

DONT call your ex or your daddy if you dont know how. put on your bug-girl panties and figure it out. or go to do!

DO become an expert at the art of the seven-minute conversation. theyre the reason talk shows are so entertaining - and you may learn some jewels.

DONT share your complete financial pitcure with your man. it is, after all, your money, and if hes good to you, youll share...maybe.

DO believe in the sisterhood, and know that not all women want yout style, your job, your life or your lover.

DONT trust any one p…

3 weeks

wooooooooooooooooooooooooo woooooooooooooooooooooooo wooooooooooooo!

err, excuse me, i think i lost it there for a second.
a minor meltdown. im back now. thank you for sticking around.

basically, my mom will be here in 3 weeks. a full weekend just with momma!
and were going surfing. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok, i think you get it...this post is not going to be subdued. i cant help it.
i am soooo excited. i havent seen my mom since christmas, and its killing me.
and i finally get a day off. phew. i just cant wait to have a sleepover with momma!!
happpppy friday!

today is friday

thank god. sometimes weeks are just long, sometimes they are stressful, sometimes they are annoying and relentless and boring. sometimes all of the above. and sometimes its just fun to look forward to friday cause you get to do things other than work at the office. even if thats getting gas in your car, groceries or watching tv. if you find yourself a little bit frazzled this week, please enjoy the picture below. it brought a smile to my face this morning, and will, no doubt, do the same for you.

GOD, that is just the cutest thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its cool, if i werent me id want to steal my identity too.

"hello, this is wells fargo. we have been deemed recent activity on y our account to be fraudelent. if you could please call us back, that would be great"

whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!?!?!? yea, i called back immediately. (i dont pick up my phone at work unless its uber important...and yes, calls from mom are uber important, so this call went unanswered. at first. i saw i got a voicemail...hmm, weird number and a i listened. and heard that my account looked fishy). now, if theres one thing about me, its this: i am not that super annoying person who looks at every penny of her statement versus what she records. yes, after having worked at a bank, i will tell you, if this is you, its really annoying. remain extremely on top of what you spend/make. just not to a crazy, obsessive, to-the-penny OCD level.

before all the weird charges even got to my account, they jumped on it. i am super impressed with wells fargo, and will toast with a celebratory glass of wine wh…

the company you keep says a lot about you...

i LOVE my friends. this past weekend was yet another ridiculous example of why i love my crew. we met up at craigs around 9. not going to lie, i approached the night as though i was going to head home around midnight...get a good sleep and wake up bright-eyed on sunday. haha. ohh sometimes i really can be naiive, huh?!

anyway, got to craigs, we tackled beer. we played violent video games (killing each other in heinous ways), and got a little to nuts with board games. this crew is not afraid to make penis jokes, sex, gross situations, violence or teenage humor a part of the night. (part of what is so god damn funny and made my stomach hurt so bad!). needless to say we got pretty drunk and didnt make it "out out"...but we all had the funniest, most ridiculous time trying to one-up each other at various games. round 2 will come soon. i havent laughed so hard in the longest time. im talking tears-down-your-face laughing. i made it home after 3. at least i think.


over to the dark side...

well, ive really been brunette for a while now. 2008, i believe is when i started. but i went SUPER dark on saturday. were talking the addition of subtle hints of purple. i blame my hair restlessness on not really knowing where i stand in life. i was having life pangs to go darker. but now i wonder if i like me better with dirty blond/brown hair that looks like it got hit by the sun. the thing is, as ive gotten older, my features (see: eye brows) have really gotten dark. however, i look back fondly at pictures when i was a kid and i was pretty cute. there was a phase there where i really was pretty cute. not sure what happened. wish i could go back there...haha oh man.

happy tuesday all :)

did you feel the love?

ahh yes, valentines day. the day where we feel pressure to wow the pants off those we love. its the greatest day for 10 year spend the day in school decorating boxes and giving candy to the boys and girls you secretly crush on every day. you give out candy hearts that say exactly what you want to convey. "i heart you" becomes okay to say to the silly little boy you sit across from without feeling shy or vulnerable. i mean, its valentines day, its ok to flirt!

nowadays people have taken the simplicity out of it. you MUST make reservations at the trendiest restaurant, receive the biggest bouquet of flowers, get chocolate, get breakfast in bed, get a diamond, go on vacation, get proposed to, go to the moon and get a puppy. if he doesnt do these things, he doesnt love you right?! no wonder people hate valentines day. its really just a day meant to remind us all to stop for a second and make sure those we love know it. this should be enjoyable.

there is nothing better…

more of the good stuff...

i had more "hey, its ok!" jonesing in my arsenal, so here goes: successfully match your underwear about, oh, once a month. at most.

...if you dont own a cook book by nigella, jamie, gordon or delia. buy a heavy-duty sunday paper but only read the magazine.

...if your winter wardrobe is pretty much your summer wardrobe, plus a few cardigans.

...if you and your man dont have pet names - or a song.

...if you put far more effort into making a gym playlist than youll ever put into a workout. have a selection of vitamins on your desk that havent been touched since september.

...if that romantic bath for two only lasted an uncomfortable two minutes.

there you have it. happy thursday. tgit!

here is your daily dose of "hey, its ok!"

this is a great wednesday post. no intense thinking or emotions. just a funny fluff post. enjoy :)

hey, its ok!... halfway contemplate buying yourself a pair of footy pajamas.

...and to sit out the harem pants trend. one day it will die, and until then, sienna miller is welcome to them.

...if you dont want the life story of every item on the menu - where it was grown, what it had to eat, etc. just the specials, please. watch to gabba gabba for stress relief. refuse to let your 16-year old cousin drive you. do a little internet cheating - er, research - before book club.

...if taylor swifts songs of teenage angst speak directly to your adult life. sigh.

i cant believe its been two years

you know, i would have revelled in enjoying the super bowl with my dad yesterday. even if we lived apart, we could have, and most certainly would have, bet, laughed and enjoyed the sport. celebrating the wildcats being #1 in the pac-10 this season?!...yea, wed be going nuts together. running those half marathons, being my advice guru, being dad. i was always in awe of him. to this day, i ache to be compared to him, even on the smallest level. i gaze loningly at pictures of us, of him, of our family. i love watching home videos and reading notes he wrote me. he was my strength. its really hard being a girl sometimes. i know i am smart and athletic and i work hard and im pretty cool. i know i am a good sister, daughter and friend. the magic that my dad had was being able to make me truly live it. truly believe it...even at my weakest point. he was dad. i mean there really arent many things cooler than the relationship between a dad and his daughter. we were so much alike, and i was so h…