Thursday, December 31, 2009

happy new years eve!!

doesnt it seem like yesterday it was new years eve right before we celebrated the new millenium and were panicked the world was ending with Y2K??

fast forward a decade (?!) and here we are. celebrating the end of 2009 and welcoming 2010. its amazing what can happen in 10 years...graduating high school, college, new jobs, new cities, losing my dad, changing my hair color, running half marathons, and soo soo much more. the years from 16 to 26 are so crazy. you go through so much in those, many times, awfully angsty, painful years. these are the years of unsureness, searching, angst, growth and development, and confusion. you are expected to learn and develop a sense of yourself, while hopefully finding a job, obtaining and sustaining relationships, paying bills (pain in the ass), and growing up in to a confident person. theres a lot of shit to juggle at this age. i do agree that your 20s are tough. i think life is tough...but i sometimes feel extra annoyed that i am not at an age where i can do what i want. i have always been a late bloomer and hope i come to find a passion one day. while i feel that, for me, working with my mom is when i am happiest, i cant have that right now...we live 3000 miles apart. that hurts my heart.

i have begun to write my second book. it feels good to sit down and type out my emotions at night. who knows how long i will keep at it or how it will develop. im going to take it a page at a time. see what comes.

i really cant wait for 2010. i wish everyone the happiest and healthiest year yet.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009


not going to lie...ive been a little bit low since returning to LA from my whirlwind christmas weekend. although i only saw my mom for a total of 44 hours (including sleep), it was the most special and amazing time. i hadnt seen her in 4 months, and hadnt been east in 6 months. what the fuck man?!

you know you gotten hit with a little homesickness when watching tv makes you tear up. i was just flipping channels but i got bummed thinking about my purpose in life and all that crap. i definitely shed a tear. id really like my momma to move out here. id really like to work with her again.

anyone doing anything crazy for new years?! i cant believe its tomorrow night!!

happy new year :)
heres to a fabulous 2010!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

holiday travel

los angeles ----philadelphia----harrisburg
YEA, BABY!!!!!!!!!!!

merry christmas everyone :)

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

a little piece of my heart

being that it is a special time of year, i wanted to take a minute and just thank you all for supporting me throughout my life. at the ripe old age of 26, i am on one hell of a leg of my journey. having just moved to los angeles, i am now 3800 miles away from the women that gave me life. but, in my heart, i am with her always. now, drew, on the other hand, is probably so happy to finally have some space between us! haha just kidding. my crew from home and i are tied for life. some how, some way, we all found each other and have remained "us" since. we got through high school, college, first jobs, new cities, shitty boyfriends, first loves, new jobs, cooler boyfriends, nights of tears, nights of laughs, nights of too-much-drunkiness that we peed in public, deaths, surgeries, bad hair experimentation, being broke, road trips, and soo SOO soo much more that i am just so fucking proud to have experienced. my girls, i love you. i cant wait to play in these next 50 years :)

im going to forgoe the traditional "new years resolution" this year cause, well, ive really never made them. dad was always pretty clear that if you want to make a change, start tomorrow. why wait?! however, in the spirit of the holiday, i want to propose that i will continue to raise awareness and money for CJD...i want to do at least another half marathon on top of the SF one set for this summer (drew and i are already doing it). that should allow some opportunity to raise some money. also, i want to continue to let those that i love just that. that i love you. with all the moving and changes i made these past 4 months, i havent written nearly as many letter as i normally do. i will work on that. i am getting settled, and love to write, so i will definitely amp up my mailings! watch those mailboxes!! :)

also, i am going to attempt to go with the flow with certain things. said boy, you are one of them. you arent all up in my space when i think you should be, you dont say or do things people think you should, etc?! neither do i. i get it. i need to lighten up. yes dad, i think i hear you. this will take some time. some work. but thats the point right...that i am going to try to work on it.

all in all, i think its safe to say we are all a work-in-progress. thats whats fun about life though, right?! we will all eat too much this holiday, and even after it, we will sleep too little, sometimes eat too little, we will laugh too much or too little, or at the wrong time, we will be selfish some days, maybe even months. we will spend too much money one month, only to save a lot the next month. we will forget to take the trash out, but remember friends and family birthdays. we will spend some sundays doing nothing but eating and laying on the couch, watching really bad tv. some sundays will be spent running 13.1 miles for charity. some nights will be spent alcohol-induced, some stark sober. some days our houses will sparkle cause we cleaned it top-to-bottom and sometimes it wont. sometimes the laundry will get done, and sometimes not. there is so much out there to experience, so much to see. the goal is to live your life how you want, and see what you want. spend your money how you want. laugh at the jokes you think are funny. cry when you are sad. be there when someone needs you and pay that forward.

most of all, be you. thats it. thats your new years resolution. you are so much more than good enough. and i am so lucky to have YOU in my life. so thank you. i will see you all in 2010!!!!!!!!


i have mentioned that at any given time, i have a zillion thoughts scrambling in this head of mine. i have concluded that everyone can feel all these different things all at once. maybe not all the time, but some times. they just don’t talk about it. i have a million different opinions in one day. i stare at dudes i wanna make-out with, and the minute they open their mouth, i wanna run. sometimes i make-out with them first and then run. i think about how i don’t want to be tied down and how much i love being single, but the minute it gets cold out, i want a boy who ‘gets’ me/knows me/loves me- to cuddle with. the point is: everyone can be a complete contradiction. we’re all just figuring it out. hopefully not hurting anyone’s feelings along the way.

and, then, sometimes, even for me, one skeaky dude weasels his way into my life and into my heart and snags a teeeeensy little piece of it. before i know it, i seem to actually like this guy. im sorry, what? i dont remember this being a part of the rules...

Monday, December 21, 2009

3 days!

tis the season to be jolly...fa la la la la la la la la!!
come on, sing it with me!

ok, ok, so, im a little excited. its SOO hard to focus at work, knowing that in 3 days im catching a flight home. i have ADD anyway...this just makes it that much worse! haha :)

mom and i are besties, and i heart her more than anything.
i need a mom hug and kiss and movie date and dinner and ice cream and presents and bestie time!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

i love you mom!!

i have been having a rather hard/exhausting/chaotic/ridiculous week (waa waa, yea i know dad!), but it was really starting to get me down. if you know anything about me, you know how hard i am on myself...i want to get it all done, do it well, feel great, be happy and enjoy my night. i have been having trouble relaxing. now, if there is another think you know about me its that i am moody. born that way. cant help it. we have the most hilarious home videos documenting this (quite literally, movie magic!).

that said, i called my mom on way home from work yesterday, as i always do. i told her how i was feeling, and how i blamed being born moody. her response?! "hilary, you were born perfect"
(whats that i hear? angels singing?!)

i mean, what?! is that not the most adorable/perfect/sincere/amazing response ever! i mean really. ok, now please bear with me. i am posting that solely for the purpose of emphasizing how amazing my mom is...not highlighting the fact that she thinks im perfect (but, hey, toot toot).

basically, one week from now i will be driving to LAX to board my red eye. i am super excited for it. i think the red eye is am amazing invention. hear me out...flying across the country leaves any traveler tired, annoyed, bleary-eyed and smelling bad. why waste an entire day of sunlight while youre at it?! i will arrive at 10am on christmas day with all those symptoms, minus the wasting of precious day light.

i love you mom. thanks for being my pillow to punch as i get through this week. and, well, life. kelley girls week :) xoxo

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

on the 10th day before christmas... head was racing! i was working! it was tuesday!
it is december 15th already. so insane!
this is actually annoying, but already this morning i was thinking that in 2 weeks i will be back at work after my trip home. haha, i know, my brain is annoying. i told you! i just cant seem to shut it off!

in ten days mom and i will be BESTIES REUNITED. a weekend spent watching tv, movies, sleeping, or out shopping, checking out clooneys new movie (date night!!), or cooking. its going to be the greatest 3 days of my life. i cant believe it will have been 6 months since i have been home. thats sick. i cant wait to see and play with the kitties!!!!! i miss those guys :)

been thinking about dad a lot. i think i always will. but i really feel like im in a good place. granted that feeling comes and goes, and always will. good days and bad days are par for the course of life :) you can quote me on that.

so as i trek my way through it, i channel those i love, those i aspire to please and make proud, and those that make me laugh, cry and wobble. im a tough chick.

Friday, December 11, 2009

whats your style?

ok, so this time of year you hear it everywhere. you think about it all the time. you stress about it. you compare how you do it to others. you hope you think of all the best ideas, get all the perfect ones. every other magazine ad, tv ad and radio commercial is about it. what, exactly, am i talking about??

none other than christmas shopping!!!!!

are you one of those people, like my grandmother, who christmas shop a whole year ahead. no, i am not kidding. her presents are already being bought for christmas 2010. yea. i never understood it either. in fact, its a cute way we tease her, because quite frankly, i dont want a 2009 shirt in 2010. why cant we just get it now?! haha.

then there are my best friends and brother who are out on christmas eve just hoping to get a decent something-or-other. christmas 2 years ago was hilarious when drew and i went to park city on christmas eve to get presents. the fun part is that my family is SUPER low maintenance so it works. we arent fussy, and my dad was actually super happy with chocolate and his fave treats (albeit he was very ill at this point, but it reminded us just how special playing board games and getting simple treasures beats anything). its more about who you are with, than what you get. i really do mean that. aside from a few treasures i have my eye on, i really do love giving more than receiving.

i send out christmas cards every year. i love to write, and knowing that my loved ones get to open a christmas card from me makes me happy. i know how special i feel when i get mail so i like to constantly write letters to people. sometimes a really simple note or letter, no matter how short it is, can make someones day.

me? well, im spending christmas this year with my mom. just us. in lancaster. its going to be perfect. she and i might venture out to do a little shopping together on saturday, and we will buy each other stuff then. no fuss. no mess. no stress. just best friends doing what they do. just being with her this christmas is my present. truly. i really cant wait!! i cant wait to step off the plane and HUG HER IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mom..........only 13 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! well, technically, my red eye is in 13 days...i will get to hug her at 10am on friday, christmas day. best way to start out christmas, no?!

fa la la la la...

dreary days make me crave warmth. happy. pretty. so, since im at work and cant really do too much with all of that, heres a cute pic i came across. enjoy. and, hopefully, itll buy you one minute of un-boredom on this crazy long work day.

only 2 weeks until christmas!

i am counting down the days until i catch my red eye christmas eve night, and get to hug my mom as soon as i get off the plane!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

we are gearing up to just play all weekend!! i cant freakin wait.

its hard to believe that i havent been back east since i flew out to SF to run this summer.
it will have been 5 months when i get home. man oh man. time flies.

my mom is already warning me about how cold it is! its actually chilly here too, so im already quite acclimated. not quite the same, i know, but close enough. we dont have heat at work, so i kinda get it.

i am happy its friday. it has been a pretty long, tiring week. i think the added coldness, dreariness and uck that is rainy winter weather mixed with the sheer excitement of going home have all added to it. my mom and i get to have a 2-day slumber party! oh dear god, i just cant wait!!

so, this post is a little erratic, and wordy and spastic. yes. i know. but its friday, im on edge getting amped to see my mom and i just cant focus. ehh, it happens. woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

only 2 weeks until christmas!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

26 going on 18...

as i adjust to life here in California, and learn to really "get" that i live here, i am really starting to feel more and more like i am back in college. let’s go through the checklist, shall we?

im far away from home
i dont get nearly enough sleep

i have the most awesome guy friends and hang
with them all the time

my typical uniform is hoodies, thermals and roos (a la american apparel, urban, etc)

i search for any spare change under my car seats to pay for soda

i use my apartment complex washer and dryer, and get super excited when its
available when i need it to be

im broke 98% of the time (no, not really. i just wish i had money like my dad)

i take a lot of shots. sure, theres wine with dinner, but more often than not
we arent classy drinkers

there are so many more things too. just cracks me up. i love the little life i have created out here. special shout out to ben and craig. the two loves of my life. without you guys, well, lets just not even go there :)

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Joy to the World


i know i know i already covered that.
but, you see, its my blog, and i can repeat myself as often as i see fit ;) hehe.

plus, this time of year just gets me. i blame the music, the lights, the candy canes, movies, the hot chocolate, the love in the air, my ungodly out-of-control boy craziness and all things cozy.

i mean its christmas time people! loosen up! love it! it will be gone again before you know it and you can take the other 11 months of the year to piss around. right now, im obsessed with all things happy. too many people out and about? yes...there are. but its fun. traffic really sucks?? does. for the guy ahead of you too. and the mom behind you. we all hate traffic and are annoyed. not just you :) pump up the tunes, hit the heater button and relax! and make some phone calls. or just groove and sing along. itll be ok i swear.

i have my scrooge moments too. not mad or mean ones, but those of sadness and longing for my dad :) i miss him dearly. daily. however, it never ceases to amaze me the absolute strength i get from talking to my dads sisters. i hope to get up north and see aunt martha soon. i will definitely do it as soon as i get a long weekend. i may even trek up there for the weekend of new years...hmmm. i kind of like that idea.

anyway, life is precious and special and amazing. its hard and challenging and sad. its funny, cold, simple, and long. its hilarious and warm, complicated and ironic. its all these things. life is all of them. sometimes all at once.

so there you have it. a little bit of my thoughts today. little preachy, little hokey, little random, all hilary. i have a crazy brain. i absolutely love this blog, and will come back tomorrow to share more of my december thoughts. in the meantime, stay warm, and turn up the christmas tunes. i swear...youll melt.

hey, its ok! be irationally annoyed when no one compliments your brand new dress order your favorite take out over and over. if it aint broke, why fix it? be weirdly obsessed with miniature shampoos, fun-sized chocolate bars, mini mascaras, etc. have a "to hell with it" moment and leave your car in an inner-city park overnight be outraged when a friend "steals" your favorite baby name. you claimed that one when you were 12, dammit tell your mobile phone company youre thinking of leaving, when you have no intention of doing so. gets results!

...if you "forgot" to reply to boring texts that simply ask, "how are you?" have santa baby or all i want for christmas is you on your ipod. all those scrooges out there, two words: lighten up!