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couldnt have said it better myself

since i started my blog, i have come across a ton that i love and regularly follow. one of my favorites,, posted this the other day:

"I don’t discuss it much on the blog, but the last 6 months have been rough for me. Some days all I want to do is come home, have a good cry, and watch a Hannah Montana movie. Sometimes that makes me feel better, but other times I know that running is the answer. I was in quite the funk yesterday afternoon, but I still followed through with my plan to do a speed workout on the treadmill.  And I’m so glad I did. For 60 minutes, I wasn’t sad or upset – I was completely focused on the numbers: the length of my intervals, the pace I needed to run, and the miles piling it up. For the past 10 years, running has helped me feel accomplished when nothing else seemed to be going right. It’s given me an outlet for stress and time to think and reflect. Sometimes I really do believe that sweat and tears are the cure for everything".

OMG! this is exactly how i feel. its like i wrote this post (...minus the hanna montana movie...haha!). its true, though. these last 6 months have been really heavy, crazy, stressful, sad, yet fabulous all at once. i moved 3000 miles away from home...with just my one suitcase and no plan. i got myself a job and an apartment. i support myself with a very measly income. i miss my dad. i think its ever daughters right to need her dad for advice, reason and a little indulgence. sometimes i just want him to call and tell me he loves me. tell me it will all be ok. tell me that i am worth it, and that i am good enough. i want to tell him the same. i want to meet up and go running with him. i want to go see a movie with him, and stay up late eating ice cream. i want him to tell me im nuts when i discuss boys. more than anything, i want to tell him how much i love him, and i want to hear how much he loves me. because at the end of the day, he really was proud of me. and i dont think i can ever be as good, strong or confident as i was with him here. i dont feel as though i am a complete person without my dad. its hard to fight the thinking that there isnt a point to any of it (not in a suicidal way...i mean, im crazy, but lets keep it real here...)....haha. i worry that i wont find my "john kelley". i worry that noone will want me. i feel that noone will make me feel the same way my dad did. i will be honest, its really hard being 26 years old and trying to be super strong. its exhausting. as annoying as it sounds, sometimes i really just need my dad to tell me that i am enough. mistakes and all. god dammit. my solution is for my momma to move out here and work (in some capacity) with her. all in all, i am definitely going through a period right now of the blahs...and if my shout out to one of my fave blogs is any indication, im not the only one.

hi JK! i miss you daddio :)


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