new york city

a lot of cool life moments have happened in new york, even before i started living here.
there is such a magic to this city...the lights, the pace, the energy.

with my dads 58th birthday upon us, i begin to take stock in my surroundings. id give anything, and i mean anything to have him back. even for one more day. i went back through herleys past headline news, and just relived some cool moments on behalf of my dad. he was a special dude. ill be completely honest with you bloggie, im not convinced i will find me one of those. whats scary is that i actually do want to to fall in love. for the first time, i actually think im ready for a real relationship. ive dated some amazing guys, no doubt, but in college i was playing around, and with aaron, well, my dad had just died and i couldnt completely focus on us when i was so newly grieving. ive met and dated a few boys in nyc, and its been fun. but i have yet to feel like i found "him"

the boy that i will end up with will be strong. he will be up for a fight, cause ill be honest, ill give him one (not even necessarily on purpose, mind you). he will know how to give me space, but also knock down my walls. he will be cute, of course, but in no specific way. i dont really have a type, i just know it when i know it.

i can count on one hand the number of times ive really, realllly liked a guy. i crush on everyone, but in this case, i mean like. the kind of like where you talk about the future, trips, moments and life. the kind of like where you introduce each other to friends and family. the kind of like where you attend personal ceremonies, family traditions and learn to have your own secret code. the kind of like where you no longer feel embarassed about things, but learn to love the imperfections that happen.

i wish i had met matt now. i loved him in college, but at 18, 19 and 20 i was not ready to hang with one guy. i went to school with 42,000 kids. all horny, and most hot. timing was just off. i still love him now, as he was my first love (sorry high school, you dont count), so he always has a piece of me. we still keep in touch, but we are sadly separated by 3000 miles.

a big part of my heart also belongs to aaron. what we share(d) (past, present and future) is something i really cherish. again, we both made mistakes, but were human. ive learned a lot since that relationship. our relationship spans cities states and time zones. i wouldnt deny a second shot with heart says its ok :)

in terms of peter. well, thats ones a question mark. we have chemistry, and hes totally adorable, hes just very gun shy. he apparently never goes after girls. thats tough, cause im not that shy, so i dont do well when the dude is shyer than me. we have a pretty drunk month of august planned, so im sure there will be updates.

aside from boys, im finding a good place within myself. i welcome junk food into my life, i enjoy cooking with friends, and i refuse to not eat something because it contains sugar, fat or a lot of calories. life tastes good, and it sure doesnt come weighing in at 80 pounds. i work out hard so i can think less about what i eat. hell, if my dad could eat M&Ms, ice cream, snickers and beef, and still have a six pack, im pretty sure i can too. and if a little sugar is going to help get me through a very stressful 12+ hour day, then so be it.

i like waking up without a plan. i like when brunch falls into place, when a movie date just presents itself or when a trip to the hamptons becomes totally necessary. i also love days when i have nothing to do but errands and a run. knowing i have a day to get shit done, run and get ready for a night out is bliss.

im psyched to move to hells kitchen. im psyched about my roomies and im psyched about double/triple dates. im excited about having people around...all.the.time. im excited to get ready to go out, to cook together and have slumber parties. woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

and hopefully throughout all of this, one of the 9.4 million people in this city will fall in love with me. i have my doubts, but its possible, right?! riiight?!?!

hopefully the rest of the work day will go by pretty uneventfully. sometimes you just need those kind of days.
especially since sara and i, once again, ate our way through duane reade's candy aisle. yum!