Skip to main content

whoa.

i felt it starting around 4:30pm. that familiar feeling that tears are just a moment away. i kept my focus at work, but it weakened a bit on the train. i pressed the + key on my ipod to increase the volume so that my head could focus on something else.

then, as i got off the train, it happened. i teared up. a phone call to mom was all i needed. i was in the grocery store loading up on candy and dinner for later, but she talked to me until i got home.

there are times where i just cant be strong. with dads birthday a week away, im feeling particularly vulnerable. i fear the hole that is left will never be filled...even in a small way, by a love of my own.

im scared for that. its funny, after my previous post about how magical some moments have been, im still human, and still fear im not enough for someone. i might not be pretty enough. or rich enough. or thin enough. or popular enough. i dont have my dad to tease me about my boy nonsense...haha, im sure hes up there with his head in his hands, being like "god, i just gotta tell her to relax"...

dad, i know what youd tell me. and i want to believe it, i do. mom says it too. (and we all know shes always right)...i just am not convinced. but, mom knows best so ill trust her on this one :)

thanks for getting me through today mom. its me and you on this journey and im really lucky you let me be me and are there for me. its pretty cool how were weak and strong at exact opposite times.

ohh life, you are so hard and complicated, sad and cruel sometimes. but dad, i know youre up there looking down. and i know we will be ok. right?! a sign would be nice :) haha. im overdue for one of those.

night all.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

summer OUT / fall IN

And just like that, summer sixteen is over. Hello fall! While I love nothing more than heading out for some miles in the kind of weather that makes it hard to breathe, makes you sweat more than you thought was humanly possible and leaves you a bit red in the face, I equally love the crispness of fall mornings, the smell of fall in the air and apple picking!
Ok, I’ve never actually gone apple picking. I’ve dreamed about it. Glanced at pictures of it. Hoped I would do it. Friends never seemed to want to go – and the boyfriend thing has been a fleeting item on the to-do list. Well, its happening this weekend! Sunday. Sinuses, weather, and whatever else, keep it together. This girl wants to go apple picking! 
Fall sixteen has already gotten off to a busy – and celebratory – start. Mom and bill got married (!!!) which made me really emotional and nostalgic. It was a beautiful weekend and definitely cemented how much I want a love of my own. Been a tough go though – I mean, its supposed to …

2013: a year in review. so far

today is february 22nd.we are already almost 2/12 of the way through 2013. i realize that line may sound uber cheesy, but seriously, time fucking flies.


2013 has definitely been a cool year. hard, confusing, sad and stressful, but certainly cool. parts of it have also been special, funny, amazing and sweet. all of that emotion in 2 months? hey man, im a girl. were dramtaic.



ive got high hopes for the rest of the year. there are a few running races in the books, with more to be added im sure. there will be some travel...im heading to see my besties in chicago and boston and bro in NC to name a few. im hoping there is a trip to somewhere warm in the near future...i have no interest in resembling a vampire...that shit has been overexposed already.

the moment hasnt happened to me yet where i go to my bank account and theres an accidental million dollars. regardless i take my dads advice to heart..."hil, never miss an opportunity you really want simply because of money". look, i…