signs it wasnt you - it was him

* having sunday lunch at your mothres house, when asked if he wanted custard or cream with his dessert, he threw his napkin in the air and cried, "i dont know! i have to make that sort of commitment now?! stop crowding me. i cant breathe. i cant breathe. GIVE ME AIR!"

* he changed his facebook status to single because the eggs you boiled for his breakfast-in-bed treat were too rubbery and the bacon wasnt crispy enough

* he forgot your birthday. even though its the same day as jesus's. which is christmas day. noone forgets.

* you bought his a mug with "hot stuff" on it. he bought you a mug with "mug" on it.

* you 'made love' to him. he 'nailed' you. (ha, gross).

* he used your new iphone as a coaster for his beer (um, idiot?!)

* he kept cracking "jokes" about threesomes when he first met your friends.


mind you, i find these utterly hilarious, and quite frankly, absurd. however, delightfully entertaining.

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