where in the world in hilary kelley?!

back to blogging! its been like 5 years, no?!

ive been happily living in brooklyn for 4 months now. WOW! its amazing how fast it goes. winter has proven itself to be pretty insane in the city, but i really am loving it. even being without heat for 4 days (still not sure what happened) or so cold i want to scream, or having to walk through 6 feet of snow because noone was able to come out and plow, or deal with the 6 weeks of trash buildup out front of my apartment cause trash couldnt get by....all these things make me adaptable. and laugh at the craziness of ny life.

aside from that, being shoved around subways every morning as i transfer trains, learning what it really means to have NO personal space....EVER, and becoming a solid  new yorker with the walking speed of 5555 miles per hour are all becoming part of my daily life.

there are moments at the end of a long days work (work! more on that later!!) when all i want to do is head home and relax. just eat dinner and watch tv...send personal emails. make personal calls. no drinks, no bars, no crowds. sometimes not. the thing with new york is, whatever you want, you can find it. if you want to find peace...you will. for me, its with friends, and at home. or with ali, peter, ryan, chips and guac, and craig ferguson.

im pretty excited for spring and summer in the city. new york is definitely not for everyone. its a pretty intense city...i, for one, cant imagine raising kids here. i need the 'burbs! but, for a single 27 year-old girl, its perfect. i feel myself feeding off the energy here, which i think is fantastic. i catch myself still yearning for those phone calls with dad about what im up to, his amazing business deals, my boy issues, life issues, money issues, or just stupid jokes i heard. i yearn to tell him about the boy i went on a date with, the homeless dude who asked for money to buy booze ("hey, at least im not lying")...or the hilarity of me running after a goddamn subway. me falling down icy stairs, going on countless interviews, my tears, my laughter, my finally getting a job,etc. i want to share it all!! he would be so excited to hear all about it. i want to plan trips so he can come visit, help make my apartment better, hang out with my friends, and shop with me. (ok, ok, or go to central park).

im scared i wont ever feel the way i did before my dad passed away. im scared noone will be able to fill even a teensy part of the void i feel for him. im scared i wont ultimately find a decent boy who will love me (im not sure its possible. im really not). im scared to not have him in my life. he made me better, smarter, more successful and happier. he made me more confident and more special. he just always believed in me. i guess, after three years, im still just not sure. im still numb, and hopeful that losing my dad is something i can figure out.

however, switching gears, i did get a job in this insane city!!! (and shitttttty economy). i am currently the admin assistant to the VP of business development/sales assistant to integrated sales team/promotions coordniator assistant/and all around helper at readers digest. basically, if someone needs something i do it. mainly though, i run the calendar/life of our VP. anytime someone needs her they contact me (unless, of course, its the president. in that case, she calls her directly). upon interviewing i was told it was a temp gig, so im basically just trying really hard to work well with everyone, do a good job, meet lots of people and do my best until they tell me its over. if it turn permanent? ill pee my pants. if its temp, well, this is a great opportunity. im basically just going with the flow...im doing what i need to do, and life will direct the rest. in any case, its a great resume builder, and great life/work experience. cant complain. but, i suggest you go out and buy an everyday with rachael ray mag, a taste of home mag, and a readers digest mag...scroll the list of contacts in the first few pages...those are my colleagues! soo fun! that, and id like to say i helped market the mag by blogging about it. haha. just trying to do my part.

so what else has been going on? i got some awesome valentines day gifts some from amazing guy friends. one noteworthy addition to my apartment is a teddy bear that is HUUUUUUUUUUUUGE! hes adorable.

ive been chatting with a few boys i met on an online dating website. a good girlfriend of mine joined and forced me. yes she did. peer pressure. i was forced. soooo, in being a good sport....i saw no harm in simply chatting. this has turned into phone chatting with some uber cute boys. meet ups to follow (amybe?). one even went to ASU (yes, we jokingly fight about it). im still pretty confident in my love for older friends...i DO NOT do blind dates. r-e-f-u-s-e. this city has got more crazies than an asylum, so this chicky knows to be careful.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand i think thats enough for now. ill be updating more later.

id like to make note that this past feb 8th (dad anniv) is when i got my RD job. also, the night prior we lost eleanore. and moms herley stocks magically became useful (after 3 years, and a day prior to being trashed). basically, it was the craziest, weirdest day(s). it made me think dad was around....so, HI DAD! woooo.