oh.my.god

my kitties are gone.
jackie came and picked them up tonight. oh my god, i teared up after she left. those boys were mine for the year and a half. what the freak?! oh my god. i will never see them again. i am so confused and scared and sad about so many things in life. i feel like i have no direction, no clue, no idea what i am doing. no idea. no god damn fucking idea.

my main issue...do i stay in lanc, or do i go to new york city. i am very skilled in playing devils advocate. i can tell you why lancaster rocks and new york would suck. i could do the exact opposite. so, where does that leave me. i have no fucking idea. NO FUCKING IDEA. i want a roommate, but i also like my schedule. i like space to work out, sleep and watch tv. but i like being around people. no wonder they say women are complicated.

the biggest issue for me is that the "so, what do you want to do" question is wayyyy too limiting. i want to be involved in marketing, advertising, maybe some modeling, ETC. just like when i was in college and every 5 seconds i got the "what do you want to study" question....there are limitless choices, so why are you making me choose. quite frankly, i think im damn talented enough to multi-task. that, and i have severe ADD, so i have to be doing 5 things anyway. find me a great company (about damn time, no?) haha, and i will fit right in.

so, id appreciate any and all advice. thaanks.

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