wow. didnt see that coming

mom, gamma and i road-tripped it out to see the new hospice facility today. they were having an outdoor ceremony to honor those who have been lost this year, as well as let us all know that the bricks that have been bought within the year are now done, and ready. aunt martha, gamma jane, and aunt cori had one made, so we wanted to see it (pics to come later....)

we were told he was brick #243, so we walked over to it. as soon as i saw his name i lost it. honestly, it was a beautiful day, i was with family and we were all having a great day. i really didnt anticipate getting emotional like that. mom and i both broke down in tears.

something about seeing his name makes it so powerful and real. i managed to get myself into "hil-suck-it-up-and-be-strong" mode so that mom could be ok. why? i mean, really....why? why is he gone? none of it makes sense. but i do realize that as we have been grieving, we have done it really well. noone went off the rails...and i will say, in all honesty, it does happen. i can see how you could lose it. dad would never, NEVER want that for us, so we wont.

as we sat on the bench and mom and i were talking, i felt such a sense of pride. i am so proud of her, of me, of us. i am so proud to be who i am, and am so lucky i surround myself with people that allow me to be me. i am enough. none of us are perfect, but we are a team. i am so close with my mom, but in honor of my dad - i will say this. there will never be anyone like him. he had sparkle. i live it everyday, and make sure i have it in my heart. even now, im getting teary.

cheers dad. you are one in a million. i hope you are having a hot dog and beer today, in this warm weather! i hope you are laughing at mom and i, and all that we do. i hope you are proud. and i hope that i become even a small fraction of what you were. i got the greatest compliment the other day. a women that knew you, but not me really, said "omg! you look just like your dad. just like him" OH HOT DAMN!!!!!!!!!! YESSSSSSSS! i practically squealed in delight. i am most definitely your daughter....SAAAWEEET!