we lost another great one today.
aunt brendas dad lost his fight with cancer this morning at 9:30 EST. even though he had been pretty sick for a while, its never easy.
i found myself asking "why??" a lot today. why him. why my dad. throughtout my dads illness i didnt think like that. i stayed strong so that my dad knew he was safe. if we were mad or sad or scared, it made him uneasy. as he lost his own abilities (to walk, talk, express outword thought, write, run, etc), he looked to us for how he should feel. if we laughed, he did. and so on.
however, with the loss of tom, i find that so many things in life just arent fair. im at a weakened point in my life as i transition 3000 miles away from everything that i know, and find that sometimes i get sad thinking about who and what weve lost. for a while there i was doing great. i channeled dad when i needed him...the race, the move, the job hunt, and the apt hunt. i channel him quite frequently and talk to him as well. if i really need strength i kiss my "celebrate john kelley" bracelet. its helps me :)
but i have moments where i feel lonely. i cant help but sometimes feel like i have no direction and no friends and no home base. no center. i dont know where that comes from, as i know i have all those things. but deep down im scared i dont. i have some irrational fears...just ask my mom. haha...right mom???!!
i want to wish tom a pleasant journey to heaven...and hope he is playing with my dad. (show him the ropes dad!!!).
i love my family, and look forward to remembering all the greats in our lives over shared stories, ice cream, family reunions, walks, dancing and all the other crazy things we like to do. XOXO