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i thought

i thought moving to LA was going to clear my head a little. i thought it was going to help me to understand why certain things happen sometimes, and that my life will work out. i thought i was going to find a great apartment, find a job, and hopefully hang with some good friends. i thought a change of pace, scenery, state, and routine was going to make me feel like i was bettering myself.

did i think wrong?

i find that i am missing all the things that make me happy. i miss my mom. i miss gamma. i miss going for walks, going to movies, and girl-chat drives to king of prussia talking about our lives. i miss laughing with besties, and watching the leaves change. i hate being cold, but the east coast is home to me, and i think i need to go back.

dont get me wrong...i have some great friends out here, have been doing some really fun things, and had a blast showing mom around (which, annoyingly cant happen nearly as often as i want. which would be, say, every day). ha, yea. its true. ive had a ball going out to clubs, dancing to super trashy music, and meeting some great people. and kissing a few (right mom!!!??).

but the things that make me super happy, and that im living the life i want with the people i love? yea, im not finding it so much. for me, a job is a job. my passions involve writing, modeling a bit (hehe), raising awareness and money for CJD, and blogging. i feel so strong about these things, and i want to do them. i want to make money being happy. i dont enojy sitting at a desk all day everyday feeling like im not doing anything. the bigger picture is pretty much that life is short, and if youre not doing something that you ultimately care about, why are you doing it.

granted, i have bills to pay. so until i figure out how to make money through the above avenues, im sadly stuck. why cant drew move out here?! haha....dmk, its not too late?? mom, you gotta come here too. ultimately, its not cali that matters. its WHO. i love so many people out just in a funk. ive been thinking about dad a lot lately, and what life means. ive been thinking of fun names for blog titles, articles, book titles and who knows what else.

lo and behold:
blog and jog
cjd took jmk. wtf.
single in the city
pa to la: and back again?

haha, ok just some titles im throwing around.

basically, mom, id like to work for you. with you. for you and cathy. for US. i think we have some brilliant ideas, and i am eager to work to make them a reality. really. its with you that i am most happy and most me. thats the key to life, no?? so, mommy, i neeeeeeeeeeeeed you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

as you all know, i think a lot of things. my brain is ADD all the time, and it runs wild all over the place. its why im better off doing a lot of things, as opposed to one thing...especially when it doesnt include any of the things i truly love. or those i love. mom, thats you. haha.

thats all my thoughts for now. my head hurts ;)
love you all: xoxo


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