Thursday, October 1, 2009

happy october!

woke up this morning and realized its october 1st. wow. what the hell happened to summer?
y'all are going to think im nuts for saying this, but hear with me. ive dealt with ridiculous heat since i have been here (mom will attest), and its FINALLY cooling a bit at night. its not cold. duh. not even remotely considered fall (to anyone that has ever lived through a real fall day), but i can finally sit in my apartment and not feel like im going to pass the fuck out. there are even times during the night that i pull the covers on. yea! i know! its exciting!

im still not totally used to the fact that i call LA home. its so weird when i write check or letters and write my return address. im like, what?! feels ok though...knowing a lot of people i look up to and love have lived in LA and have been very successful. yea...thats the path i want to be on. or am on. i dont know yet.

what sometimes helps me get back into a feel good head space is listening to a song that brings me back to a certain memory, or just one that i really like. pictures are always fun to look through (even when they can be very, very sad). blogging. that always clears up some head space. zoning out to TV. even bad TV. daydreaming of my future business plan with mom :)

im pretty good at keeping my head above water. not to say that im not super sad at times. i am. but sometimes i dont have the luxury to cry or hurt. and i figure my energy is better put toward remembering dad and his life, mom and our hourly hilarity, and so much more. theres so much to be happy about...and i want to spend more time on that. there is always going to be a part of me that is pissed off about losing something more precious than my own life. im always going to be pissed that we were robbed. and dammit, im going to be pissed that i cant hug, kiss, laugh with, shop for, email to, call, text, and run with the most amazing man i ever knew. we will be reunited one day. and until then, mom, you and i need to do IT! it. business. life. all of it.

team kelley. i am more proud of my name than anything else. and thats something noone can ever take away.

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