so many thoughts

merry christmas!! we have just a few days left in 2008, and i thought now was a good time to think back to what this past year has brought us. things im thankful for, things i lost, things that inspire me, things i fell in love with...

*family. without you all, i have no idea where i would be. it is thanks to you all (haha, and, well, i guess ill give myself a little credit!!) that i have the energy and confidence to pave my life. to take chances. to take risks. to be rejected, accepted, right and wrong.

*laughter. without it, i would not be a kelley. ha! through so much hurt, i have laughed. it is contageous and has helped others. it has helped me. it is truly the best medicine...even when it seems impossible to find the good in something.

*memories. they can bring on tears, but also they have helped me heal. there are so many times when i feel so fragile, i will look through my journals, pictures, writings, and emails and see just how interesting life is...what i have seen, thought, felt, said, experienced, and believed. i have been through so much in my life...seen so many things, smelled so many things, heard so many things...good, bad and indifferent. what is so magical about life is that at any given moment i can remember events that have helped shape my life. that is truly priceless.

*me. as i get older i am finding out so much about myself. i am learning to be proud of myself. to assert myself. i feel that self-esteem is earned and i work on mine everyday. i am strong. i am confident. i am ambitious. i am my best ally...and toughest critic. but i wouldnt want it any other way. i know how to push myself...and when to back away. i had my first sorta-love-sorta-infatuation this year. i "love" a lot of guys...i mean, i am truly boy crazy...but one came in my life this year that has meant more to me than i ever thought id let. he came into my life in february...our story really began then. whatever happens in the future...i thank him for so much. which leads me to...

*aaron. i know it seems crazy to be thankful for a boy. well, you know what, no it doesnt. cause i truly am thankful for him. he visited lancaster (me) in february (about 2 weeks after dad). he was in town for a few days...we caught up, hung out, etc. it was nothing serious...i mean we talked all night, etc. but there wasnt anything "boyfriendy"...he just hung out. in retrospect, that whole time is a blur...i mean 2 weeks after dad...dear god, im surprised i knew to put on pants to go out! haha. long story short, i feel like he and i have had the closest thing i have ever had to a really serious relationship. these past 10 months have been really fun...visiting LA for him, him coming here countless times, him surprising me for my meeting up in NYC...etc. its been such a trip. so many people have told me how great we are together. strangers call us barbie and ken. weve been called boyfriend and girlfriend by many hotel lobbies. his family loves me. mine loves him. so, if nothing else, i have had a blast meeting a guy i hope is always in my life. my wish for the new year is more of this. i really like this one ;)

*music, movies, this blog, and other forms of entertainment. i mean, sometimes its great to just zone out!! there have been countless times when whatever im doing, puting on a song can change the mood...a fun song if im sad, a cute song if i want to think of dad, etc. movies are the greatest way to leave reality for a few hours. my blog is free therapy. i sent a few entries to a publishing company and got a book offer. while it didnt pan out to what i thought it should, it was kinda cool. so keep you eyes peeled for me to top the bestseller list one day!!

of course i am thankful for many more things. happiness, health, friends, my car, my kitties, love, a job, etc. but i think they were all (even if indirectly) included in my above bullet points. life is pretty damn great. even when its not. i want to thank all my family and friends for just being in my life. you help define my life. i am so proud of us all...everyday. xoxo