Monday, February 2, 2009

it all (really) started 2 years ago...

today, february 2nd, marks the anniversary of my dads cjd diagnosis (in 2007). 2 years ago today we were told the most devastating news i could have ever imagined. only 3 months into my new job in philadelphia at urban outfitters, i felt like my life was over. being away from my dad felt back to lanc i came. these past two years have been the most sickening, hurtful, humorous, enlightening, and all-around surreal years. we experience things in our lives that color our journey. i know i am stronger and more resilient than i ever knew. i have seen love in ways i never knew were possible. i have seen and felt tears and laughter that fill my heart. i have so many people that hep me through life...i hope i do the same for them.
i find myself thinking of my dad all the time. sometimes i find it too difficult to glance at the pictures i have in my apt or on my fridge...sometimes his beaming face is just too much. i did, however, bring a few pictures to work with me today to keep my by my side. i spent the morning looking at pictures...i felt it was a good way to ease the enormity of the day.

i love being a daughter. being a sister is amazing too (especially with you DRE DAWG!!!), but i miss being the daughter to my dad. most of all i miss the future for him (and me). i miss all the things we would have done, what we would see each other accomplish. i miss his spirit, his strength, his ambition, his humor, his heart. i miss him. i dont want to simply list his qualities...he was/is more than that...but those are just a few of the things that made him my dad.

i still cant believe any of these past two years happened. bereavment is a bitch. total bitch. grieving a loss is shitty. but i do believe that the reason it hurts so bad is because we had it so good. thank you for everything dad, i love you. xoxo

1 comment:

Drew said...

I can't believe it's been a year since Dad died...time has flown. A lot has happened. It will be good to reflect on everything this weekend. Can't wait to see you.