Skip to main content

it all (really) started 2 years ago...

today, february 2nd, marks the anniversary of my dads cjd diagnosis (in 2007). 2 years ago today we were told the most devastating news i could have ever imagined. only 3 months into my new job in philadelphia at urban outfitters, i felt like my life was over. being away from my dad felt stupid...so back to lanc i came. these past two years have been the most sickening, hurtful, humorous, enlightening, and all-around surreal years. we experience things in our lives that color our journey. i know i am stronger and more resilient than i ever knew. i have seen love in ways i never knew were possible. i have seen and felt tears and laughter that fill my heart. i have so many people that hep me through life...i hope i do the same for them.
i find myself thinking of my dad all the time. sometimes i find it too difficult to glance at the pictures i have in my apt or on my fridge...sometimes his beaming face is just too much. i did, however, bring a few pictures to work with me today to keep my by my side. i spent the morning looking at pictures...i felt it was a good way to ease the enormity of the day.

i love being a daughter. being a sister is amazing too (especially with you DRE DAWG!!!), but i miss being the daughter to my dad. most of all i miss the future for him (and me). i miss all the things we would have done, what we would see each other accomplish. i miss his spirit, his strength, his ambition, his humor, his heart. i miss him. i dont want to simply list his qualities...he was/is more than that...but those are just a few of the things that made him my dad.

i still cant believe any of these past two years happened. bereavment is a bitch. total bitch. grieving a loss is shitty. but i do believe that the reason it hurts so bad is because we had it so good. thank you for everything dad, i love you. xoxo

Comments

Drew said…
I can't believe it's been a year since Dad died...time has flown. A lot has happened. It will be good to reflect on everything this weekend. Can't wait to see you.

Popular posts from this blog

summer OUT / fall IN

And just like that, summer sixteen is over. Hello fall! While I love nothing more than heading out for some miles in the kind of weather that makes it hard to breathe, makes you sweat more than you thought was humanly possible and leaves you a bit red in the face, I equally love the crispness of fall mornings, the smell of fall in the air and apple picking!
Ok, I’ve never actually gone apple picking. I’ve dreamed about it. Glanced at pictures of it. Hoped I would do it. Friends never seemed to want to go – and the boyfriend thing has been a fleeting item on the to-do list. Well, its happening this weekend! Sunday. Sinuses, weather, and whatever else, keep it together. This girl wants to go apple picking! 
Fall sixteen has already gotten off to a busy – and celebratory – start. Mom and bill got married (!!!) which made me really emotional and nostalgic. It was a beautiful weekend and definitely cemented how much I want a love of my own. Been a tough go though – I mean, its supposed to …

2013: a year in review. so far

today is february 22nd.we are already almost 2/12 of the way through 2013. i realize that line may sound uber cheesy, but seriously, time fucking flies.


2013 has definitely been a cool year. hard, confusing, sad and stressful, but certainly cool. parts of it have also been special, funny, amazing and sweet. all of that emotion in 2 months? hey man, im a girl. were dramtaic.



ive got high hopes for the rest of the year. there are a few running races in the books, with more to be added im sure. there will be some travel...im heading to see my besties in chicago and boston and bro in NC to name a few. im hoping there is a trip to somewhere warm in the near future...i have no interest in resembling a vampire...that shit has been overexposed already.

the moment hasnt happened to me yet where i go to my bank account and theres an accidental million dollars. regardless i take my dads advice to heart..."hil, never miss an opportunity you really want simply because of money". look, i…

break a sweat - even when youd rather do ANYTHING but.

there is only one way to begin the difficult journey of the holiday sugar detox: break a sweat. 

miraculously i didnt miss a day over the holidays to break a sweat -- but that really just means i got up extra early or ran when people were napping (i.e. full and feeling gross) so not all of my holiday miles or squats were pretty. or felt particular good.

BUT, i laced up and got out there -- or followed along to a dailyburn workout. i kept telling myself i could slow down or take it easier, but shit, im doing a workout.

so basically, what they say is true. no matter how slow you go, youre still lapping everyone on the couch. go get in a good sweat, then reward yourself with some couch time :)